If one is not passible then isn’t it risky coming out due the possibility of violence that could have been avoided by not coming out?
Yes.
Everything we do is a risk. We step into the shower and we risk slipping and breaking our neck. We get into our car to run an errand and we risk getting into an accident. We can avoid these risks by staying home and committing to being unclean.
But there is a difference between smaller, less risky actions such as commuting to the grocery store and presenting in public as a gender that is not the same one you were assigned to at birth. And there’s also a difference when it comes to choices. We have little choice when it comes to providing basic necessities to ourselves. We NEED to eat so we MUST take the chance of driving to the store for groceries.
But some would argue that we don’t NEED to come out in the same sense that we NEED to eat and shower. If we don’t eat we will die. If we don’t allow ourselves to be honest with who we are, sure, we may not physically die, but it’s difficult to live in an authentic and fulfilling way.
Does passing play a factor? Maybe? But that brings in the topic of what is and what is not passing. If I was around five feet tall and had a petite body, would I pass? On one hand I would have a physical body that is more common among cisgender women, but on the other hand, well, I don’t. And I never will. No amount of estrogen or hormones can do that to a person. Besides, all women are different in height and body shape and facial structure. If we start setting standards for what we “need” to look like in order to “pass”, then it wouldn’t be a stretch to implement those same standards on cisgender women.
I mean, can you imagine telling tennis player Maria Sharapova, who is the same height as I am, that she is too tall to be femme?
I would love to look as feminine as her.
Being who we are is a lifetime of risks. Looking around the lingerie section of a store in male mode is a risk. Ordering a dress online is a risk. Posting a photo of ourselves en femme is a risk.
Can you avoid risks by not doing these things?. Absolutely. But I believe that every one of us wants to live authentically to some degree. It may not mean going out en femme, but I can’t imagine resisting every element that this side of us has.
I am reminded of a quote that is attributed to Aristotle. “To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”
In my experience, living my life and presenting as I please has given me moments of pleasure that exceed by far any unpleasant experiences. I have never felt that violence was imminent either, mainly because I avoid high-risk situations. I go to very public places, I rarely am out at night. Statistically there is a greater chance (regardless of how you are dressed) of an unpleasant incident happening in a dark alley at one in the morning compared to wandering a busy mall on a Saturday afternoon.
Wow, Aristotle and Maria Sharapova in the same post? This blog has everything.
Love, Hannah
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
Hannah McKnight 
Nothing ventured nothing gained!
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It’s not about passing for societies sake, it’s an inside job. Some of my best pictures are when I am feeling her and letting her shine through. And I completely agree with you Hannah that there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to any of us, CD and cisgender alike. I consider us as individual and unique as snow flakes ❄️. Jink!!
💜 Nadine
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Fear is a basic instinct, but throughout existence, organisms capable of experiencing fear have also had to overcome the sensation in order to survive. We evolved both to be wary of threats, assess the degree of risk and take precautions.
Each of us makes our own risk assessment and tolerance. For some of us, like myself, that means going out to busy places in the daylight hours (mostly) and avoiding bars and late nights.
The same applies to deciding who I come out to. I have been selective. Coming out to people that I know to be tolerant. In over a dozen years, I have had many positive, welcoming responses, but only one or two that were less so. Maybe I have been lucky or perhaps I have chosen well.
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There is a trans woman living in my area and she is at least 6’6” tall and very broad. She doesn’t pass in the slightest. But I’ve watched her out walking and nobody — and I mean nobody — takes any notice of her. This whole passing business is either worries of those who just started going out/want to go out or the egos of those who think they “pass” because nobody chased after them with a pitchfork. What we want is to be treated in a civil manner and you can get that by all the usual methods, no matter how you’re dressed.
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” Being who we are is a lifetime of risks. ”
“Ordering a dress online is a risk.”
” “To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, ”
“a greater chance (regardless of how you are dressed) of an unpleasant incident happening”
Yes I refrain from all your teaching .
V
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