Stumbling Towards Inclusivity

Creation and progress are messy and rarely without resistance or done so with a linear trajectory. If I am in an optimistic mood, I feel that we as humans will get to a place where gender identity and sexual identity and race are no longer, either consciously or otherwise, considered when it comes to how people are treated.

It will take longer than it should. It already has. It’s challenging to do the right thing when people are pushing back against it. What is especially frustrating is when that change is beneficial to everyone but is still facing opposition.

I have family members who require medical treatments or prescriptions and the like, and here in the United States, health care is a business. I have health insurance through my employer and every paycheck sees a deduction to pay for it. Of course, it doesn’t completely pay for my medical care. Out of pocket co-pays, prescriptions, certain procedures, and doctor appointments all cost more money. If you need an ambulance you’ll be paying thousands of dollars for it.

My brother lives in Canada, eh. He brags a bit about how amazing health care is in our northern neighbor. And it’s not bragging if it’s true, right?

We COULD have this. We SHOULD have this. But we don’t. We try, but it’s always shot down.

It’s maddening to me that people that I know, such as the aforementioned family members who rely on frequent doctor appointments and expensive medication, tell me that they are absolutely against universal healthcare. They feel that this is socialism but they will also grumble that they can’t afford a procedure that their doctor recommends.

It’s stupid, really. Why do they fight something that would benefit them? One family member told me that they vote against politicians that promote universal health care because they don’t want “certain” people to receive medical care. Because of this, they will gladly pay for something if it means that “certain” people will be denied basic care.

Let’s not gatekeep medical care, people.

…Where was I?

It doesn’t matter. Anyway, we will probably get to a point someday when we are enlightened enough to understand that everyone deserves to have access to healthcare. I also feel that we will, one day, get to the point where gender identity isn’t the polarizing issue that it is today. I hope that gender norms become irrelevant and that people stop insisting that “boys can’t wear girl clothes” and what genitals a girl has is no one’s business but her own.

This hope isn’t going to become reality anytime soon. Probably not in my lifetime and probably not in a thousand years, but a girl can dream, right?

You can be discouraged by this, or you can look for tiny steps of progress. There’s a lot to be said for people going in the right direction, even if it’s painfully slow. I bring this up because recently Victoria’s Secret held their fashion show which featured two transgender girls.

Although I buy almost all of my lingerie from Xdress and Allure these days, Victoria’s Secret was the pinnacle for femininity for most of my life. Whether it was just obsessing over their catalogs and yearning to be as beautiful as the models or popping into their store and just being surrounded by panties and bras and other beautiful things, VS represented SEXY and the feminine.

I have shopped there en femme and I’ve always been greeted and assisted with enthusiasm by the girls who worked there. I mean, I know that’s their job but it felt sincere and was a different level of customer service compared to the times I shopped there in male mode.

My positive opinion of VS changed abruptly in 2018 when an executive was asked about transwomen being a part of their fashion shows. His response:

Shouldn’t you have transsexuals in the show? No. No, I don’t think we should. Well, why not? Because the show is a fantasy.

These comments are just ignorant and inappropriate and hurtful.

Now, to be fair, was this the opinion of VS as a whole? Probably not. Every organization has some idiot who says stupid things which may not be the opinion of everyone else. But as far as I could tell, VS never addressed these comments. It would have been reassuring and validating if they issued a press release that stated that these comments were not reflective of the company and restated their commitment to gender diversity and inclusivity.

I paid attention to this for a while and it seemed that VS was just hoping that the backlash would just fade away. It did, but I remembered.

Now, I am not holding a grudge, but I feel that once a person or an organization reveals who they are, believe them. Again, as far as I know, VS never publicly addressed the aforementioned comments. Silence means approval, or at the very least, they are not going to condemn someone else’s actions.

Yes, the person who said these things apologized, but I was skeptical. Was he apologizing because he realized that what he said was ignorant? Was he apologizing with the intention of damage control?

It more or less reminded me of the term Schrodinger’s Douchebag. According to the Urban Dictionary, this is defined as someone who is a jerk and decides whether they were joking or not based on how people reacted.

Part of me wondered if what he said was really how he felt but once the backlash built, he decided it was in his best interests to backpedal.

And yes, I was overthinking some idiot’s comment, but since there was, as far as I know, no official reprimation or clarification or distancing from VS, I felt that maaaaaybe he was indeed voicing the opinion and culture of VS. Saying the quiet part loud, if you will.

So, I decided I wasn’t going to shop there anymore. There were, and there are, other places to buy panties that are very clear of their support for girls like us, such as ThirdLove.

I do want to be transparent and honest because I have returned to VS a couple of times since then, but only after the said executive was separated from the company. I felt like a hypocrite, though, on these occasions, so I stopped going there once again. I was no longer angry or hurt, and I felt like I was in a crusade that no one else cared about or remembered. 2018 is ancient history in some ways and no one cared what little old me thought or felt and it’s naive to think a billion dollar organization gives a damn about a small segment of the population.

Words can ring hollow and it’s action and inaction that reveals someone’s character. Since it seemed that VS was choosing to not address the comments, I felt that this inaction was very revealing.

But here we are, six years later, and two beautiful transwomen were part of their fashion show.

I can’t fathom how affirming this moment was for both Valentina Sampaio and Alex Consani. I imagine they experienced the same longing as I did growing up looking through a VS catalog and just wishing and daydreaming. And now their daydreams have come true.

I hope this inclusivity continues but we will see. It’s good that VS has (seemingly) pivoted but time will tell. I’m probably giving a corporation too much credit here and I am probably overthinking all of this, but I do feel that an influential brand that is inclusive to our community is a positive thing.

Love, Hannah