Ask Hannah!

I have a question, but I wanted to say thank you first. I wrote about a year ago, and I was really happy because I wore girl jeans to work and nobody cared. Fast forward to today, and the only male clothing I have left is the errant shirt or two in the back of my closet. My only regret is the loss of pocket space. I am doing very well and extremely grateful for many things, including the advice on your blog. I think something that gets lost is that you can just be happy with who you are and live in the moment.

I am set to attend my first trans/CD meetup girls night out (a classy event, not a kinky one), and I was hoping you could offer advice on what to expect. It’s almost silly, as I’ve grown very comfortable with not judging myself, and I am suddenly low key anxious that I am going to be judged by complete strangers. Is this normal? Is there a preferred “first time” outfit thar you recommend for events? I’ve never concerned myself with the passing dilemma and dress mostly androgynous (women’s clothing, but typically pants, tops, and shoes in lieu of the more adventurous fanfare that I save for my girlfriend)…do you consider it a breach of decorum to ask the hosts what proper casual attire is? I think fabulous me is more of a 3rd or 4th appearance with a group of strangers, but I dont want to come off as an interloper by wearing a cami and jeans instead of a dress. If anything I am mostly just excited and jittery about nothing in particular and needed to express it to someone that has been there in one way, shape, or form.

Hi!

After years and years of organizing MN T-Girls events I will say that it’s normal to ask the hostess about the dress code. No one likes feeling overdressed or underdressed. Of course, it’s impossible to predict what everyone else will wear, and really, one needs to dress for themselves.

So, two things to keep in mind:

-Wear something appropriate for the event itself. There is a world of difference between events that are appropriate to wear jeans and a cute top and a floor length ballgown.

-Wear something you feel cute and comfortable in. This is the most important one.

All of us know that our clothes and our presentation are personal to us, and we wear what makes us feel beautiful and at peace, no matter what that outfit is. I can’t promise it won’t happen, but I don’t think the other girls there will be judgemental or catty towards you based on your outfit. Although it’s fun to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race and a guilty pleasure to see the girls be a little bitchy towards each other, in my experience that is not reality.

And passing isn’t real. Who is to say what a girl is “supposed” to look like?

If a cute cami and a cute pair of jeans is what makes you feel cute, then wear that outfit. Your energy and vibe is going to come from whether or not you feel comfortable, and I think one’s outfit is a big part of that.

Have fun and let us know how it goes!

Love, Hannah

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