I have a new article for The Breast Form Store!
I have said many times that for a lot of relationships, it’s not the crossdressing itself that creates tension (putting it lightly) but rather it’s the behavior and actions and decisions of the crossdresser.
Specifically being untruthful.
Many of us are USED to lying about this side of us. And for some of us, it’s a hard habit to break and we continue lying out of habit. Or, we lie because we are downplaying how much this part of ourselves IS a part of ourselves.
I feel a little silly and perhaps a little embarrassed when my wife opens my closet and sees the growing stack of shoeboxes or sees the pile of my panties when we sort the laundry.
I am not embarrassed of who I am, and my wife doesn’t make me feel weird about any of this, but sometimes the scope of something can surprise people. On a related note, most people know I love to read, but they are often taken aback by just how many books I actually own.
And these are just the books that are shelved. Let’s not talk about the boxes of books I have in my crawlspace.
And the garage.
I suppose my point is that this side of me is a significant part of my life, and the volume and variety of clothes and shoes and panties reflects that. Sometimes this can be embarrassing, in a way, that I have accumulated so much, but I have no regrets, lol.
When the closet door is open and the dresser drawers are bursting with lingerie, there’s no point in downplaying any aspect of myself. Anyone could see the scope of who I am.
Anyway. My point is that for those who are out to their significant others, there is still the chance that we are still not being completely truthful to them. If your partner knows you wear panties (or whatever) or that you go out en femme or anything in between, but you are flat-out lying about what you are really doing, then problems will occur.
The problem isn’t about crossdressing itself, it’s the lying about crossdressing (or whatever).
If I told my wife I was going out for the day and going shopping BUT instead I was having lunch with someone, then we would have a problem about what I am doing when I am en femme and why I am lying about it.
My wife knows I order clothes (I mean, she can see the bank activity and sees the boxes being delivered), but if I told her I spent $50 on a pair of heels but they were actually $100, then we have a problem because I am lying about finances, and the finances are related to my shopping which is related to shopping for clothes.
When we start (or continue) to lie about aspects that are related to crossdressing (or again, whatever) then our partners will quickly associate (and rightly so) problems that are all related to who we are.
Again, our partners may not have an issue with what we wear, but they certainly may be upset about decisions we make or our behavior that are related to what we wear.
Relationships require work and patience and communication, and who we are probably doesn’t make them easier, and I feel it is up to us to take on the heavy lifting that is required for how who we are impacts our partners and the relationship.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
Thanks for writing about this… it is so important for married CDs to understand that for most partners IT IS ABOUT the lying, the secrecy & the half-truths associated with crossdressing, even more so if they continue after “they are out” to the partner
… it if they cannot be honest about changing into a skirt when the wife/partner leaves the house, how can we believe them when they say it’s just about how the clothes make him/her feel… (I have been told that this example is ridiculous because it oversimplifies the situation, but as a CD partner I believe it is straight to the point)
So much would and could be avoided with honesty and truthful communication. 🙂
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If your wife is truly on board with your dressing, then I say you are one lucky guy! We would all love to be in your position, in regard to our significant other!
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Well said Hannah. What you are describing is obviously not unique to crossdressers. There are many marriages that suffer from varying degrees of dishonesty which isn’t healthy in any relationship.
Although we don’t have the market cornered on this, there is an aspect for some in our community where actions go well beyond dressing. This is self evident with many that are online who are living out a secret virtual life. This becomes very self evident when seeking out friends online. Often times individuals masquerade as straight crossdressers who after a few friendly exchanges start to reveal there true motives.
The damage that any of us do when being dishonest with our significant others not only impacts trust, but also can drive a wedge in our relationships that is unfair to the partners we are with.
Hopefully your group truly supports each other as this is what many of us want and need, friends.
Nadine
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Oh I absolutely recognise parts of this Hannah. Especially the overflowing closet and drawers of ‘her’ clothes, and the equally overflowing shelves and piles of books everywhere in the house (though not yet as far as the garage). In my case, though, it’s only the latter part we can share. My partner probably has as many books as me but doesn’t want any part of the trans side of me. While we never lie to each other, domestic harmony (at least as far as that aspect is concerned) is maintained by a policy of ” I won’t ask if you don’t tell”
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My wife knows, but she has never approved of my feminine side. I will not lie to her anymore. I do not volunteer information either. My time presenting as female is my private time. I think everyone need time to themselves, so this makes up my private time.
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