He’s Wearing a Skirt…

Here comes Dick, he’s wearing a skirt
Here comes Jane, y’know she’s sporting a chain
Same hair, revolution
Same build, evolution
Tomorrow who’s gonna fuss?

-Paul Westerberg

I have been traveling a LOT for my job this year. Much more than normal.

And it’s been getting old and boring.

I love going WHERE I go, but without having access to a car, I am pretty limited in terms of what I can do when I am not working or staring at the hotel room ceiling. Sure, I could rent a car but that is expensive and Ubering isn’t affordable either.

There used to be a really amazing used book store within walking distance of my hotel which was always a highlight of my trip. It was also a nice way to kill an hour or so. The bookstore is now closed as it is being torn down. It will be replaced by a new artificial community.

You know what I am referring to. It’s a new apartment/shopping/office space complex that advertises itself as WORK/LIVE/SHOP and has weird AI generated artwork of people outside of a mall (that they also live in) and are sitting around a bonfire for some reason.

And of course, rent for the apartments start at around $2500 a month.

Anyway, enough cynicism.

OR IS IT??

When I travel I work more than I want to (even on the weekend) because I need to do SOMETHING and work keeps me busy. When I get back to my hotel room I have no plans. I’ll read for a bit or exercise using the thirty year old elliptical machine in the hotel “gym” but other than that, there’s not much to do.

But there IS a mall within walking distance.

I don’t go to malls very often in male mode but it’s a nice distraction from staring at another episode of a show where some middle aged guys with a map are convinced that they’ll uncover an ancient treasure buried on some random island.

When I go to the mall I look at clothes, of course. It’s not as much fun to look at dresses in male mode but I do it anyway. If I see something cute, I’ll try it on. I don’t really like trying on femme clothes in male mode for a couple of reasons. One reason is that I don’t have my femme figure. What I mean is that a dress fits and looks different with breast forms and a corset. It might be a cute dress, and it might be cute with curves, but it’s hard to see the vision and potential when the dressing room mirror shows a guy wearing it.

When you are in the process of changing your gender presentation, even if it’s just for a day, it can be an interesting transition. When I spend the day en femme and return home and change, the first thing I do is remove my wig. Suddenly my whole reflection changes. I see myself as a guy wearing a cute outfit and makeup.

When I try on femme clothes in male mode, I scrutinize my reflection in the changing room. I try hard to imagine what the outfit would look like if Hannah wore it.

But there’s also a moment where I wonder if I could wear what I am trying on in male mode.

I am non-binary and I think clothes are clothes, and I wear “girl clothes” even in male mode. Leggings and nighties and panties and femme t-shirts and jeans, for example.

This past weekend I tried on a couple outfits at two different stores and I wondered if I could wear a femme shirt that I tried on in boy mode and if I could wear a skirt I tried on in boy mode. I ended up buying two femme t-shirts but passed on the skirt.

I returned to my hotel and I wore one one of the shirts and a pair of leggings as I did some work on my laptop, just as I would do if I were working at home. Soon it was time to get some dinner and I wondered if my outfit was too femme for male mode. I mean, not in my own hotel room or in my home, but out in the real world.

I have absolutely no hesitation going out in the real world dolled up from head to toe, wig to stilettos, and everything in between. I also wear femme jeans in male mode (but honestly besides the teeny tiny pocket size they easily pass for “boy jeans”) but wearing obviously femme clothes in male mode outside of my home (or hotel room) is not something I do.

I got to thinking about nonbinary fashion for people who are AMAB. I spent the next hour or so (I told you I was bored) looking for ideas for nonbinary style and clothes. Essentially I wanted to see what appealed to me. I mean, clothes are clothes and I don’t care about what is stylish or fashionable, but I don’t want to look stupid, lol.

A button-up shirt and black leggings MIGHT look cute, but it depends on the shirt. A skirt and a boy t-shirt looks kinda cute, but I don’t like showing my legs without stockings or tights. So, a long maxi skirt maybe? How obvious do I want my clothes to LOOK like femme clothes? I have femme jeans that are very obviously femme and some not so much. Do I want to wear femme clothes that DO look femme or do I want to wear femme clothes that are a little more subtle?

The ideas that Google and Instagram provided were not super helpful. Most of the models were very androgynous and young and they really pulled off the look, such as a flowy skirt and a heavy metal band t-shirt.

But I am not young nor androgynous. The outfits would look a little young for me, I guess. Not something an almost fifty year old (regardless of gender identity or gender presentation) would likely wear as they ran errands.

Also, I don’t care what others might think about what I wear, no matter which gender I am presenting as, but I just don’t want to look stupid, lol. A pair of femme jeans torn in an artful way looks cute on someone who is half my age, but probably not me.

I’ve played around with pairing different items from both sides of my closet and I haven’t been toooo happy with what I’ve created mixing them.

But I have looked through Hannah’s side and I wonder if I could pull off these looks in male mode.

And yes, they are VERY femme, especially the first one, but still… maybe a maxi skirt might be a better option than the mini skirt? Maybe Doc Martens instead of knee high boots?

And skipping the heels, obviously.

The first time anyone wears anything new opens up the chance of feeling a little silly or, honestly, a little stupid. Wearing new clothes, different clothes, clothes designed for a different body type, clothes typically worn (from a societal perspective) by a different gender can be a humbling experience.

Buuuut you never know until you try. Discovering your look is done by trying. You learn by doing. I really won’t know if any of these looks would, well, look okay until I try them on. And yes, the guiding light in any journey is to do/wear what you like, but I also want to look put together and not out of place.

Discovering and creating my femme style was trial and error. And it was fun, albeit expensive. This is likely going to be a similar experience. 

Love, Hannah