This is not meant to be a political post so please keep that in mind.
The queer community (and yes, that includes us) is used to things going kinda well for a bit and then things take a huge step backwards. Maybe things get better again, maybe not.
Although there is relief that the Supreme Court has decided against hearing a case that could have opened the door to repealing marriage equality, it’s unnerving that such a thing was even being considered.
Any right that the queer community loses (or is proposed to lose) should be concerning for all of us. It’s kind of a bellwether, in a way. A country that doesn’t think that people should be able to marry the person they want to probably isn’t too crazy about people being able to choose their gender identity.
It’s been an exhausting year. Last November there was a lot of justified fear from the transgender community. We are seeing the president attempting to put an end to medical care for transgender youth, the military denying some retirement benefits for transgender service members, and discrimination towards transgender Olympic athletes, among others.
It’s pretty clear what the commonality is here.
You may not think that these things don’t impact you if you are not a minor, a service member, or an athlete, but all of these are testing the waters, so to speak. All of these things are just the beginning. They are not going to stop with minors, service members, or athletes.
And I think we all know this. We may not be discussing this, and perhaps it’s a coincidence, but I am seeing, well, evidence that this fear mongering and legislation are working.
The MN T-Girls get together every month for, well, whatever it is that we do. Our goals include creating awareness of non-binary and gender non-conforming and transgender people in Minnesota. We are here to show the world that we EXIST. That we are REAL people who live wonderful lives as more than one gender.
Many of our events are out in the real world, as opposed to being exclusively at businesses that specifically welcome the LGBTQ+ community. It’s not uncommon for a girl like me to feel safer at a gay bar compared to a Starbucks or whatever.
As we get to the end of 2025, I am thinking about events for the upcoming year. I look back on what events were popular and what events were, well, not so much. The pattern I am seeing (and again, this could be coincidence or influenced by other factors) is that most of our events have had lower attendance than I was expecting. Maybe the event wasn’t appealing, maybe the timing didn’t work out, maybe the cost was out of someone’s budget, or maybe there is something else happening.
I do my best to balance events that are free or minimal costs (like going for coffee) with other events that have a fee (such as photoshoots or plays). I also try to balance where we go. Again, many of us feel safer at a gay bar compared to, well, a non-gay bar.
Essentially, I try my best (and I fail as well) to plan events throughout the year that hopefully offer something for everyone. Our annual holiday party is in a few weeks and RSVPs to even this fairly safe event is relatively low.
Fear is something that has held us back from going out en femme, and it still does from time to time. I suppose what I am wondering is if I am imagining this. Are you more nervous and afraid than you were a year ago when it comes to going out en femme and/or identifying as something other than cisgender?
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
Hi – I think it can be an extra layer of worry, but if one can pass then going out feels relatively safe. But as a specific category, cross-dressing has been rather sidelined compared to more extreme trans issues, I feel, even within LGBT discussions.
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Hi Hannah! I am President of a prominent Trans Social club in Seattle and am experiencing these exact same challenges. I would love to brainstorm with you on how to deal with this new reality. Thanks!
Maille McDonald, President The Emerald City Social Club
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If anything, I am more confident and more excited about going out than ever before. I certainly still have fears, anxiety, nerves, whatever you want to call it. But joining the group and getting out and having universally positive experiences has been a breath of fresh air for me. And when those fears, anxiety, nerves, whatever start to build up, I now have a history of positive experiences to look back on to remind myself that this is something that I want to do, and that gives me joy.
As to your more broad concern about why attendance is dropping, it could be because of the challenging socio-political climate going on right now. But, if I want to be optimistic (and I try to be as often as possible), it could also be that our culture is more open and accepting than it ever has been before. Maybe more trans women are feeling like it’s safe to be themselves. Maybe that means they don’t feel like they need the protection and safety of a group. Maybe one of the consequences of our wins is that support groups see a decline in members. Maybe this is a good thing?
Or maybe this is one of those times where being optimistic isn’t helping.
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Hello Hannah, I believe the political landscape is what is causing a lot of it. Money is tight these days so outings that are expensive may cause people to have second thoughts. For me it is logistics. I had a nice stop at Queermunity in Minneapolis which maybe a nice place to get together sometime.
its hard to make everyone happy. Maybe asking the girls things they would like to do.
Monica
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Thoughtful concepts to consider to try and find the rationale for the chasm between self confidence and public fear. i am always conscious of being clocked, both literally and figuratively. Three decades being out, i aged my surroundings has shifted from going out weekly with my other queer friends our 20s, slightly fearful and ptsd’d in the 30s for being swung at twice at concerts when my personal space was intruded by grabby hands and when the person knew I was trans his rage set in, and now with “be-violently-angry-at-the-latest-scapegoat” commonplace as it seems i struggle going to new places where i don’t know if allies are there. i contrast the public discourse to the Joe Rogan factor; that is, he was young, cute, helpful and chill in Newsradio to now being insufferably anti-trans and a bore. i pine for the times of going to the Nankin, a concert (classical or modern) and ending my night with a movie at St. Anthony, Uptown or the Roseville. And even the opinions of my closest cis-friends have changed from “whatever-floats-your-boat” to “don’t come around here no more” within the past decade. But being the rebellious type, i just give a lot more two-armed hugs than handshakes. That way, i can’t be hit in the face.
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One of the challenges we’ve run into is not just attendance, which has generally been down, but also finding venues. There’s a long running event in the Philly area called Angela’s Laptop Lounge, and Angela has lost several venues over the years, but lately finding an affordable venue that’s centrally located and willing to host a closed party on a Saturday night is tough.
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