Pressing my Luck

I’ve been going out en femme for about fifteen years. I have been posting photos of myself for a little longer than that.

Every single thing that we do when it comes to our journey is a confident strut or a tentative baby step out of our comfort zone. Each thing we do requires us to either shake off our fear or just gently test the waters.

Our fears are fairly universal. We are afraid of being attacked, ridiculed, and recognized. These fears can fluctuate and change over time, and are often impacted by what we will be doing or where we will be going.

Even after all this time, I still have fears. But perhaps it’s more accurate to say I accept the risks involved with whatever I do. I think about how likely, and how realistic the risk is. Going to the mall a mile from my home presents a greater risk of being recognized by someone compared to a coffee shop an hour from my house.

It’s safe to say I have been very lucky in my adventures, both real world and virtual. I get a few nasty tweets each week and have had a few rude comments over the years, but really, nothing that would give me pause about what I do.

As… things get more and more technologically advanced and as things get more divisive, different risks emerge or become more frightening.

When I say things are getting more decisive, what I mean is that I don’t think that more people are falling into allies/hater sides. What I mean is that the hate that the haters feel will grow, not that more people will become haters. People tend to double down on what they feel, especially when what they feel is hurtful.

How this impacts us is that before a hater might look at me in a hateful way, but now they might take a photo and upload it to social media. Although I am all over my own website, Twitter, Bluesky, and Flickr, I am there by my own decision. I know that in this current age being out in public means that you unfortunately (and perhaps begrudgingly) accept that someone has the potential to film you without your consent and knowledge. And who knows what they will do with that video.

So, that sucks. We don’t think about the ethical aspect of technology, we only think about the technology CAN do. The only thing we can do is hope that the people using the technology are ethical. When something is easy, such as taking a video and a couple taps later it’s uploaded to the internet, we don’t usually think about the consequences.

And yes, that is a LOT to ask. It’s a LOT to expect. And it’s naive to think that everyone using a smartphone will use it respectfully. I know that’s not going to happen.

So far (and as far as I know) I have been lucky.

I could discuss what I am leery of in greater detail, but I know some of you rage-read my website. I am not going to say what I am aware of what COULD happen because someone might actually do it.

I hate that I have come so far when it comes to how I live my life but the things that are outside of my control (the actions of others) are increasing and potentially more and more frightening.

I do feel I am pressing my luck with everytime I go out into the real world and with every blog post and with every photo I tweet. I feel I should quit while I am ahead, if you will. Stop doing everything before something happens.

Do you know what I mean?

Love, Hannah