Ask Hannah!

I found your website and I just wanted to say hello and thank you. I’m a beginning crossdresser and honestly feel a little lost. Your piece about shopping, makeup, and shaving made me feel such relief and gave me so many good, practical ideas. I especially like what you say about “passing.” I really just want to be me, you know, but I’m pretty scared as I move forward with my journey to find out who that is. Anyway, thanks!I

t’s normal to feel overwhelmed and aimless when it comes to who we are. 

I feel there are three phases to all of this and it starts with acknowledging that there is something special about us that differentiates us from other masculine presenting people.  Then we move to accepting that this is who we are and it’s not a phase or something we can repress.  Finally there is the best phase, embracing who we are. 

This is when we celebrate our gender identity.  This side of us makes us happy so why not, well, BE happy?  Wear the panties, buy the dress, strut in stilettos, paint your nails, do anything and everything.A lot of this is more or less going off of vibes and trying different things that appeal to you. 

It’s not unlike going to a buffet. There are a LOT of clothes, styles, and looks to explore.  You really don’t know what is authentically YOU until you try.  You may love pencil skirts and glittery dresses but you won’t know until you try.

This part can be super fun (and expensive, so ease into this) but there’s also the part of our mind that is loving all the pretty things but we are also wondering where all of this is going and what all of this means.

For many of us we see transitioning as inevitable but it isn’t for all of us.  We think that’s what will happen based on sheer momentum.  I mean, we start small, right?  Maybe we tried on our sister’s clothes, or plucked up the courage to buy a pair of panties.  Over time we bought our own dress or a bra to pair with the panty.  We may progress to painting our nails and watching makeup tutorials.  We may suddenly have a wig.  The point is that we keep going forward.  We keep building on what makes us happy.  We went from a pair of panties to seeing our reflection in a mirror at the mall while we shopped for a skirt.The logical next step, if you will, is transitioning.  BUT it’s not.  Not for all of us.  It’s natural to think that because we keep progressing in our femme presentation.  Transitioning is a significant, life-changing decision that will impact not only you but everyone else in your life.  This is why the very thought of it is terrifying to us.  Turning your entire world upside-down, whether you are transitioning or moving to another country for a job, is scary.Transitioning, I feel, isn’t only about presenting as femme full-time. 

Transitioning was never the right decision for me.  I think in order for me to transition I would need to feel unhappy when I am in male mode and feel that there was something wrong when I use male pronouns.  I don’t feel these things.  I like my male life, I feel comfortable when I am in male mode.  Being femme makes me very happy, but I don’t feel that either gender presentation/identity is my real self.  I like options. 

And I have them.You may feel the same.  You may not.  You won’t know until you know.  

My suggestion is to lean into this, continue to embrace who you are. 

Enjoy the journey.  You’ll know when you arrive at your destination and you’ll know if you need to keep going.

Love, Hannah

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