Ask Hannah!

I’m in the Twin Cities and rocking a new wig… I want to make sure it’s well maintained, so I wanted to ask if you know of any trans friendly wig services (specifically for washing) in the area.

I can’t say enough good things about Creative Hair Design! The MN T-Girls visited there a few months ago and it’s where I bought my current ‘do.

They have two locations. One is appointment only, the other accepts walk-ins.

Have fun!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah I would love advice on how to deal with the guilt that dressing causes discomfort for your partner. I’m married and my wife has known about my dressing the duration of our relationship. We experimented briefly but she didn’t enjoy it so I have always dressed in private. 16 yrs later, I’ve come to realize I need to explore this side of me more (I’m not transitioning, just taking my dressing beyond hiding in our bedroom). She is standing with me and we are in couples therapy. I feel so grateful I am finally getting to explore my feminine side in ways I’ve dreamed about for years … but I feel terrible my exploration is putting her in a difficult position (having to work through the associated feelings etc). Any suggestions on how to work through this?

Crossdressing and guilt seems to go hand in hand. In a lot of different ways.

Some of us feel guilt when we crossdress because we are told it’s wrong and it’s against God or societal norms and that it’s a sin. Growing up Catholic I am very familiar with how easy it is to feel guilt when I am “sinning” although I never thought God cared about what I wore. I think God, and other deity, is beyond comprehension and human imposed societal gender norms aren’t anything that God pays any attention to.

I have felt guilty when it comes to my crossdressing for different reasons at different points in my life. The first girlfriend that I came out to wasn’t that enthusiastic about her boyfriend wearing panties. She asked for assurance that I had outgrown that “phase” and I promised I would stop. I tried to NEVER DO IT AGAIN but of course we all know how quitting crossdressing goes.

I failed spectacularly at quitting crossdressing.

In this case I felt a tremendous amount of guilt when I inevitably would wear panties. I felt I was going behind her back and I was breaking my promise to her. I mean, that’s exactly what was happening. I WAS going behind her back. I DID break my promise to her.

Fast forward to where I am today and I still feel guilt but in a different way. Generally speaking I feel I am a pretty selfless person but there are times when my femme life becomes… inconvenient.

Case in point, this upcoming weekend. I have a photo shoot booked to review a couple of items and, if I am being honest, to be a little self-indulgent. Photo shoots take a lot of coordination and planning. The studio, my photographer, my makeup artist, working with designers to schedule upcoming reviews…

This particular shoot has been in the works for almost a month. Whether it’s a shoot or a MN T-Girls event I always chat with my wife to make sure that the date doesn’t conflict with her plans.

Buuuut sometimes stuff happens. As I mentioned the other day we are in the process of moving and it is looking like we are having an open house on the day of the shoot. On one hand we both need to be out of the house anyway, but while I am getting my makeup done or modeling a dress my wife will be taking care of conversations with our realtor and doing any last minute touches on the house.

I will feel a tremendous amount of guilt that day.

It’s not as simple as canceling my shoot as this would impact a lot of people.

These are two examples of feeling guilty. Some of us feel guilt when we are going behind our partner’s back. In this case guilt comes from being dishonest. So, um, stop doing that. And yes, it’s not as simple as it sounds.

And I’ve been there in previous relationships.

Some of us feel guilt when we spend more money on clothes than we probably should. This is similar to going behind our partner’s back. Our significant others may know that we bought on a new pair of stilettos buuuuut maybe we told them they cost much less than they really were.

Again, don’t do this.

I don’t feel guilty about crossdressing anymore. I don’t think I am sinning and I am certainly not going behind my wife’s back.

But I do feel guilt when this side of me takes me away from my responsibilities as a spouse such as this upcoming photo shoot.

It sounds like you are being upfront and honest with your wife and your femme side. That’s good! From what you’re saying it doesn’t sound like you have a secret life. But this side of us does put our partners through a LOT.

Our partners will likely have a lot of feelings and fears when it comes to our gender identity and our wardrobe preferences. Like anything our significant others experience we need to be patient, caring, empathetic, and good listeners.

We also need to be worth it.

Keep being honest with her, take her feelings and fears seriously, and communicate, not only in therapy but in every room in your house.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

I Dreamed…

When I was in college I took a design class and we studied a lot of older advertisements. It was shocking at how casual some of the ads were when it came to things like smoking and how sexist some of them were, but one series that stood out to me was the Maidenform Bra ads.

These ads showed very happy women doing random things from shopping to putting out fires all while wearing the above mentioned bra.

You can see more of these bizarre ads here.

I can only speculate what the purpose of these ads were. My guess is that the Maidenform Bra fit perfectly and you could wear one all day long and never feel uncomfortable in it.

Of course, as a crossdresser, the ads took on a different meaning for me.

I also had dreams of wearing a bra while I went about my day. Of course, I would be underdressing but still, I could wear a gorgeous bra while I did mundane, everyday things.

My daydreaming went beyond a bra, however. In time I dreamed of going to the mall en femme. I dreamed of sleeping in a nightgown. I dreamed of makeovers. I dreamed of skyscraper stilettos.

If I had known that later in my life I would have the wardrobe that I have now or would have the adventures that I do, I wouldn’t have believed it.

Some dreams come true.

Love, Hannah

We Should Totally Be In The Pink Zone

Oh hi!

It’s Pride week here in Minneapolis/Saint Paul and the sparkly pink glitter really hits the fan with this weekend’s festival.

The MN T-Girls will be there on Saturday and we look forward to seeing you. We will be in space 078 (in the Orange Zone) and you can find us on the map:

We should totally be in the Pink Zone though.

Come by and see us unless you’re a creep.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I would love to get your expert opinion on something. I’m wondering if I should go to a crossdressing service for a makeover. My wife has known about my interests from early in our relationship. It has been a contentious topic at times (it’s something she doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to engage in) but we have settled with an understanding that I can dress whenever no one else is home.

I met my wife early after school and while she was ok with me doing it alone, she doesn’t want to be around it. As a result, I have some outfits but never do my make up or paint my nails or wear a wig because I’m too afraid I won’t take it all off before my family gets home. In therapy, I’ve come to the understanding that I want to be dressed like a girl with someone else (non sexual) but I am terrified of exposing that side of me to someone else. I am trying to work through this as I think about dressing pretty constantly and I know it’s not healthy (something needs to change). I live in an area with a service that offers crossdressing make overs … they do outfits, make up, nails, wig, everything. I feel like that would help fulfill my inner desire of both truly dressing head to toe like a girl and doing so with someone who would accept me. I brought it up with my wife and she is uneasy that it could leave me at risk for public exposure. She tries to be understanding of my desires but also wishes I could “just stop.” Would love your thoughts? Do you see a reason why going for a makeover would be a problem? Could it be helpful / beneficial? Thank you so much!

There’s really nothing like girl talk and being en femme from wig to heels is truly magical.

If you are fortunate enough to have a transformation salon in your area then I would absolutely encourage you to go…

IF (you knew there would be an if) your wife is onboard. Many of us have partners that we would, in your words, “just stop” but we all know that’s not going to happen. It sounds like your wife, although she doesn’t understand this side of you, understands that this is a part of you. So, you have that much. You have more than most of us.

As for any potential problems, there are some issues to consider. If you do this, do not go behind her back. Keep in mind that this side of us is not going away and can often lead to the Pink Fog. The Pink Fog can influence our decisions and can cause us to do things we PROBABLY shouldn’t. For me, I can’t resist a photo shoot for very long. If you go, I think you will have one of the best days of your life… and it won’t be long until you want to go again. BUT these services are expensive. Multiple visits may cause tension between you and your wife, but they may also impact your financially as well.

Listen to her. Listen to her what she says while you discuss this. Listen to what she doesn’t say. Notice her nonverbal communication, her body language. If you think this would be a very contentious decision, it may not be the wisest choice.

The biggest commitment we make in our lives is the one we make to our partners. We must respect them and their feelings.

I don’t want to be a wet blanket and I applaud your communication with her. Keep doing that. Keep living within any boundaries she’s requested. Keep going to therapy. Keep being honest.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Dragged Up Memories: A History of Twin Cities Drag

Minnesota Monthly has an article about the history of drag in the Twin Cities. I suppose the title of this blog entry kind of gave away what today’s post is about.

Although I am not a drag queen I am fascinated by how amazing some queens look. The makeup skill, the heels, and the clothes.

Fun fact! The queen in the picture is Julia Starr. Julia used to do makeovers for MAC when there was a store/salon in Uptown (a neighborhood in Minneapolis). I had my makeup done by Julia several times and my goodness I looked AMAZING. My cheekbones and contouring have never looked better.

Love, Hannah

New En Femme Blog!

My new blog for En Femme has been posted!

I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah

The Learning Center: Building a Better Wardrobe Part 2!

New in the Learning Center is Hannah McKnight’s latest article on Building a Better Wardrobe – Part 2. Hannah knows a thing or two about clothing and what she looks for to create a look for herself. But when just starting out, it’s nice to have some advice. Or you may be wanting to go beyond that first item you purchased and now you’d like to go a little further.  Hannah is here to help.

As always, Hannah imparts her wisdom in this first part of building a better wardrobe for yourself such as tops, skirts & dresses. Read it now>>

MN T-Girls Return to Pride!

After two years of COVID, I am happy to announce that the MN T-Girls will be making an appearance at the Twin Cities Pride Festival!

As of this writing the festival organizers haven’t finalized their map as to where different booths will be placed, so please keep an eye on their website if you are interested in dropping by!

I would love to meet you!

Love, Hannah

I Get By With a Little Help From My Forms

My most recent photo shoot had a couple of dresses that I had to look DEEP into my closet to find. I have been meaning to wear this particular one for years and years but for some reason or another just never followed through with it. I would plan a day out en femme and sometimes I would end up getting a NEW dress and wanted to wear that one instead or the weather wasn’t going to cooperate and I would need to wear something else.

But I suppose those were just excuses. The reason I didn’t wear it was because I didn’t feel cute in it. I found the dress on Amazon and thought it looked pretty and it fit like a dream but I just felt a little… frumpy? Like it didn’t fall right? Because of this I just didn’t feel a lot of affection towards it.

So, what changed?
My body didn’t, the dress didn’t, all I needed was to add my forms and a corset.

A dress can FIT, but it doesn’t mean it fits in the right places. Sometimes a pretty dress doesn’t compliment you.

Femme clothes are, for the most part, designed for the cis gender female body. This means a bust and hips. My body is pretty rectangular and sometimes the most gorgeous gown fits like a pillowcase.

I packed this dress into my suitcase for the shoot and honestly? I just hoped for the best. The shoot started and as the afternoon progressed the outfits I brought were worn, photographed, and then (carelessly) tossed back into my suitcase.

There was time left for one more outfit, and this dress was the last one left. I shrugged and changed.

This was the first time I had worn the dress with my breast forms and corset. My body was completely different compared to the other times I tried on the dress.

It fell where it should. The dress fit the body it was designed for. I had the body (courtesy of my corset and forms) that it was designed for.

I am not saying that you need a certain figure or $400 breast forms to look cute in a dress. This is a reminder that clothes sometimes need a little help.

Love, Hannah

I Can Resist Anything Except Temptation

Well temptation and leather. I can’t resist leather. I just can’t.

And it’s silly. But it is what it is. But isn’t all of *this* is what it is?

When I am en femme I feel confident and brave and powerful. It’s not necessarily because of what I am wearing but it’s more of a result of all the mental barriers and fears and insecurities and dysphoria I had to conquer before I could leave the house, before I stopped caring about being read, after I realized there was no such thing as passing, before I stopped trying to blend in.

Not caring is one of the most freeing things one can experience.

Of course, not caring is not the same thing as not being compassionate, kind, or considerate, but you know what I mean.

Sometimes I think I have enough LBDs. or enough bodycon dresses with pretty floral patterns on them, but then you see IT. A dress that you KNOW you don’t NEED but you can’t imagine living another minute without it.

So you buy it and the feeling dissipates… until it happens again.

And it will. And I love that. I love finding a dress that I can’t say no to.

A few months ago I was at a second-hand boutique and I saw a dress. It was my size, it was leather, and I mean, I HAD to get it. And really, it wasn’t that different than the other leather dresses I have, but really, when has logic and reason had a chance against a WANT?

I used to save leather for nights out but I rarely am out late these days. Late nights and bold outfits tend to go together but… well, I don’t care about blending in anymore. Well, I do to a degree, there are some limits to what I will wear when I am out. I might love my thigh-high boots and pink PVC dress but I won’t wear that outfit to the mall.

Speaking of shoes, let’s talk MORE about shoes I wore with this dress.

I didn’t MEAN to buy them. I had no choice.

I mean, yes I had a choice, but I didn’t feel I had a lot of options on the day that I bought them. I was out en femme a year or so ago when the fastener on my heels stopped cooperating. Girls like us don’t have the luxury of popping into Target in a pinch and picking out a pair of heels that fit. I also “needed” black heels to go with the outfit I was wearing. I knew I had only a few places I could go that would almost guarantee where I could find a pair of black heels that would fit so off I went.

There is a chain of shops called Fantasy Gifts in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area (and New Jersey) and they sell lingerie and um, other accessories of a sexual nature. They also, thank heavens, sell heels for people with my shoe size.

Their selection tends to be on the more fetishy side with towering platforms and six inch stilettos. Obviously I heart heels like this buuuut for the day I had planned I was hoping to find something a LITTLE more modest.

Depending on how you look at it, luck was either against me or it was running in my favor because the only option where these heels:

My heart skipped a beat and felt a combination of OMG I HEART THEM and I can’t possibly wear them while I run errands.

But guess what! I could and I did:

I am used to being the tallest girl in town but my goodness I towered over everyone. It was… an experience. A sexy experience.

Like a few other pairs of shoes I own, I couldn’t imagine wearing them in the real world so when it was time to plan my outfits for my most recent photo shoot I thought they would perfect for my newly acquired leather dress.

I love how these photos turned out. I think it’s obvious how the stilettos and the leather just… awakens something in me.

Love, Hannah