Ice Cream Social Distancing

Yesterday was the monthly outing for The MN T-Girls. During the pandemic our events have been pretty small and low-key, and July’s event was very much in that spirit.

A small group of us met up for some ice cream at Nelson’s Ice Cream in Saint Paul because really, what’s better than ice cream on a hot summer night?

It was a lovely night and I am glad we have been finding small ways to stay connected.

Love, Hannah

This T-Girl’s on Fire

I’m tall. Tall enough where I am asked if I played basketball in high school.

I didn’t.

As advantageous as my height would have been when it came to passing a basketball, I always felt my height was a disadvantage when it came to “passing”.

I’m used to being tall. I mean, it happened so gradually. It’s not like I shot up four inches overnight and had to get accustomed to being a new height. Wearing heels, though, that was an adjustment. I never had difficulty walking in heels. It came very easy for me, probably because I really really really wanted to get good at it so I practiced a lot as soon as I had a pair of heels to call my own.

Wearing stilettos at home is one thing, but there is nothing like the sound of heels clicking on a sidewalk. It’s the beautiful everyday music, the soundtrack of femininity. It’s my favorite song. I had longed for years to leave the house en femme, but I always felt too tall to pass, too tall to be a girl.

And then one day I got tired of being in my own house, I was tired of telling myself what I couldn’t do, so I put on a cute black skirt, black stockings, a brightly colored top, a cardigan… and black heels. I clicked my way down sidewalks and the corridors of shopping malls and I haven’t stopped.

What changed? I mean, I was still tall, I was even taller in heels. But I realized there was no such thing a passing. I was never going to blend in, I was always going to stand out. realized that no matter how tall I was, no girl is too tall to be a girl. Not even you. Not even me. If I am going to be seen, then I may as well embrace it. I am going to wear that bright pink dress, the longest lashes, and yes, the tallest heels.

Because I dress for me. Not for anyone else.

I never feel taller in heels. I mean, I feel shorter when I take them off, but I don’t feel like I just stepped onto a ladder when I put them on. Yes, I have to crouch down a little when I look into certain mirrors, but it’s not like “wow, I’m tall”.

Until I put these heels on.

Ladies, feast your eyes on the Pleaser DELIGHT 6 inch Platform Rose Gold Stilettos with Lace Up Support from The Breast Form Store.

I opened the box like opening Christmas presents. I was entranced by the shoe, it’s beauty, it’s… majesty. This was unlike any heel I have ever worn before. I prayed to God they would fit. And thank God the fit and run true to size.

For the first time in my life, I stood up in a pair of heels and finally said “wow, I am really tall”. Six inch platforms will do that for you.

Of course, if you are looking at the picture you may wonder why in the world would need a heel like that. If you are wondering why anyone would need a heel like this, this heel is not for you.

But there are just as many thinking “OMG I need this”. If you think you need this, then you probably do need it. Well, maybe not need but you know what I mean.

How does the shoe feel? Well, it runs true to size, it’s properly balanced, the platform is smooth and it’s just as comfortable walking in them as it feels to stand in them.

But how does it feel to wear them? Honestly? I felt like a goddess. I felt powerful.

Some heels go with anything. Some inspire an outfit. These heels demand something daring, something provocative, something… sexy. God knows I love my leather (and fake leather) and it just seemed appropriate for thee heels. I almost went with fishnets stockings but I decided that the pattern would in a way complete with the criss-cross laces.

Will I wear these heels all the time? Of course not, they are probably the most impractical thing I own. But how they make me feel is indescribable. It is the truest way to embrace my height. If there is another pair of stilettos that screams confidence and demands heads to be turned better than these heels then I haven’t seen them.

These heels are not for the timid. They are not for the shy. They are not for those who want to blend in. This is for the girl who want to be seen, the girl who has confidence to burn.

Thank you to The Breast Form Store for helping me literally rise to new heights of confidence.

Love, Hannah

TransRefuge

We all need support and friendship, especially when it comes to this part of our lives. Let’s be clear, we need to talk about this side of us with others. It can be overwhelming and lonely to keep this a secret.

Unfortunately talking about this is not as simple as we would like it to be. Before we can talk about it, we have to come out to someone. And when we come out, we have to explain the unexplainable. It’s exhausting to come out to someone. I believe I would be out to more people if I didn’t have to dissect who I am in a million different ways to someone who doesn’t understand and can’t relate to identifying as anything other than cisgender.

T-girls need other t-girls. When I spend time with other girls like myself, we can talk about trans-related feelings and thoughts without having to explain every little nuance or aspect of our identity. We know. We can relate. We don’t have to say a word.

The more support and resources we have the better. I recently became aware of a new forum called TransRefuge. According to their site, TransRefuge is a social and support community for transgender and intersex people, and a resource center for those who support us. We exist to connect transgender people, intersex people, and allies with friends and resources.

The site offers a lot of resources, advice, and friendship for our community. If you are looking for a way to connect with girls like us, please visit TransRefuge.

Love, Hannah

Dot’s Adorable!

The very very first dress I remember wearing was a red dress with white polka dots. Of course, it belonged to my sister but I could never remember her wearing it.

Obviously I loved wearing the dress, and to this day polka dots instantly bring me back to that very special dress. The pattern represents femininity to me and there’s something classic and cute about them.

While I was doing my photo shoot for a shoe review for The Breast Form Store, I couldn’t help but get some glamour shots of this adorable dress. I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah

Totes Adorbs!

I’ve been keeping a blog for almost ten years now. It’s not always easy to find something to write about. Sure, I can post pictures from a photo shoot or a link to a relevant news story, but pieces that are more introspective or personal take a little work. Sometimes the writing needs a little coaxing, like trying to zip up a dress, other times the inspiration comes like a lightning bolt.

Putting together an outfit can be very much like writing. Sometimes a dress or a pair of heels will stay in my closet for months until I find the right occasion or accessory to wear it. But other times…

The Breast Form Store recently sent over several pairs of heels for me to review (you can read the first review here). Getting this giant box of stilettos was better than any birthday present. Each pair I opened was gorgeous and inspired me in different ways, and the Pleaser EVE 5 inch Wrap Around Sandals with Bow Accent was no exception.

As soon as I unwrapped these heels, I could envision not only the dress these shoes needed, but what I wanted to do in them. Some heels I want to wear to a club, some I want to wear for a photo shoot, and these heels I wanted to wear while running errands, hitting the mall, and enjoying a lazy Saturday.

Not that these heels are casual. Oh no, but because there’s nothing like wearing a cute dress and pairing it with a fun pair of heels. These heels are incredibly cute, and are even cuter with a dress that compliments them. Some heels help with glamming up an outfit, some are perfect for dressing an outfit down, but sometimes a dress and the shoes look like they were made for each other.

I knew exactly the kind of dress I needed for these beauties. Something retro, something flirty, something with a lot of small details. The pulled satin under the box and the fastener were small little rewards for an eye that lingered a little bit longer. I looked through my wardrobe and I eventually came across this adorable dress.

Is there any pattern flirtier than polka dot?

Is there anything cuter than this dress?

I love the bodice of the dress and the lace detail is just adorable. These little details compliment the small details of the heels perfectly. The waist is gathered and the skirt retains a bit of a-line when standing (but it still will easily blow in the breeze… trust me lol).

All day long I felt super cute and despite the five inch heel, my feet never got tired. I strutted and glided like never before. At first I was worried that they were too narrow and I was happy that they fit so well. The wraparound ankle strap is not only sexy but also kept everything in place.

I love these heels. I love this dress. I love how cute I felt that day. It’s tempting to look at these pictures and stop whatever I am doing and get dressed up and head to the mall or send the rest of the day wandering around the city. This dress, these heels, inspire me and isn’t that exactly what an outfit should do?

Thank you to the Breast Form Store for these adorable heels!

Love, Hannah

The Beauty and Power of Beige

Of course, the first pair of heels I purchased were black. What is more classic and sexier than black? I was probably twenty years old when a pair found their way into my closet… and then purged lest my girlfriend at the time found them. Thus began my ongoing obsession with heels.

After coming out to my wife while we were dating, this world continued to open up. The purging was behind me, and my wardrobe began to properly grow. Obviously this would include heels. And of course, the first pair to find a permanent home in my closet were a pair of black heels. This time they were patent stilettos, but still, they were black.

Creating a wardrobe is amazing and a lot of work, and it can also be overwhelming. Expanding my shoe collection wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Of course red heels, and heels that sparkled with gold and silver were added to my collection, but I wasn’t sure where to go next.

My wife said that I needed a pair of beige heels. And I thought nothing could be more boring than heels that more or less matched my skin color. When I wore black or red heels, they really stood out. The screamed for attention, which I absolutely wanted (and needed in the early days). I didn’t see the point in beige heels, but I soon added them to my closet. My wife is amazing at putting together an outfit and matching accessories, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

And she was right. I found myself wearing my beige heels more often than I expected. I found they were a perfect match for beautiful, spring outfits. They paired perfectly with a yellow dress.

It wasn’t long before my beige heels became my go-to for an outfit if I wasn’t sure which shoes went best with it. They were subtle, they helped dress down a dress in a way, and did the opposite that my red patent heels did: they didn’t scream for attention. The heels didn’t compete with my outfit. They complimented it. Yes, at first glance they weren’t as eye-catching, but this is not a girl who wears flats, so beige allowed me to wear heels but not draw attention from my usually bright, summery dress.

To me, there is nothing beautiful than small attentions to detail. Something that isn’t noticeable at first, but a second glance or looking for a couple moments longer and seeing a really beautiful accessory or an intricate dress pattern is really sexy. A small, subtle thing to reward the person who pays attention to an outfit is one of my favorite things.

And this is exactly what these heels from The Breast Form Store do. Described on their website as perfect for dressing up or down, I cannot recommend enough having a pair of Pleaser Dream 4 inch Criss-Cross d’Orsay High Heel Pumps in your closet.

They come in a variety of colors, but these heels in beige are exactly what my wardrobe needed.

The best heels inspire an outfit. Many times when I pick out my dress for the occasion I start with the heels I want to wear and I go from the there. When I opened the book and saw the shine from the patent leather, my mind raced. The elaborate criss-crossing is simple but sexy. This is not a pair of heels you simply slip into, they require a commitment, the strap belies a sexiness that rewards the person who catches a glimpse of these seemingly innocent and subtle.

I knew exactly what dress to match these gorgeous heels with… and inspiration like that only comes from the best accessories. I paired these heels with an animal print, low-cut dress with thin straps. I’ve had this dress in my closet for a couple of months waiting for the right moment (and perfect heels) to wear it.

This is a dress that screams confidence, especially for me. I have always, always felt conscious about my shoulders. I have always felt they were too… manly. Wearing a dress with thin straps like this shows them off in a way I have never done before, and the pattern of the dress just… demands to be acknowledged. I myself am not going to turn any heads, but my god, this dress will. This dress will not be ignored.

The heels are not trying to take away one’s attention. The dress is not subtle. The heels are not competing, so to speak, for someone’s eye. But these heels do exactly what I want them to do… they compliment the dress. Yes, the dress is hard to miss, but if you happen to glance down and see my heels, you’ll see a beautiful shine, you’ll see small details, you’ll see a sexy strap wrapped around my ankle. A perfect heel, a subtle stiletto that rewards a careful look.

The heels themselves are gorgeous. They shine, literally. They run true to size, and sizing is always hit or miss when to comes to shoes. The strap is long enough and has enough notches to fasten comfortably without pinching or digging into my skin with each stride. The heel itself is centered perfectly and I never felt unbalanced regardless whether I was standing or strutting.

Simply put, beige heels are a must for my wardrobe, and these heels are exactly what I need. An overlooked color, but an essential one. The criss-cross strap works in beautiful, perfect contrast to such an understated color. And the shine!

Thank you to the Breast Form Store for these absolutely gorgeous heels.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah! I have two, pretty different questions… I’ll ask the light one first, and then the deep one second:

  1. Have you ever thought of attending a Trans conference or gathering (like Diva Las Vegas) before? I’m hoping to go to one after all of this COVID stuff is done.
  2. What are your thoughts on the term “genderfluid” (specifically, does identifying as Bigender differ from Genderfluid)? You’ve mentioned being bigender before, so I wonder how, in your opinion, that would differ from being genderfluid. I hope that question made sense.

I would love to attend a conference! It would be a opportunity to finally fly pretty, one of my goals. I travel (or used to) a lot for my job, and every time I am at an airport I think about how much more fun it would be to do so en femme. Besides Diva Las Vegas, there are quite a few of conferences out there, I just need to decide which one to attend. As you mentioned, COVID-19 is impacting everything, so I suppose if/when I go, it would be next year at the soonest.

There are a lot of ways non-cis individual can identify. There are many different interpretations of what transgender and crossdresser actually mean, and I have my own perspectives on these terms. Falling under the transgender term are bi-gender and genderfluid. I don’t think that we as a community will ever 100% agree on the definitive definition of the meaning of many of these terms, so please don’t take my perspective as anything than my opinion.

I identify as transgender, basically because it covers a lot of territory. But to put a finer point on it, I suppose bi-gender fits me best. When I am out in the real world, I am (in the binary sense) either a boy or a girl. There’s really no gray area when it comes to my gender presentation. I am either in a dress or… um, something less fun. Hannah’s life, and my male life are about as divided as my closet.

Genderfluid is a little different. I interpret this as one combining clothes and physical attributes that are normally associated with the gender binary. Think facial hair and lipstick. A necktie and heels. Of course, I am not saying that girl can’t wear a necktie or have facial hair, but I think you know where I am coming from.

But like clothes, my gender identity can also change a bit. For example, I woke up in a nightgown, and I am currently writing this wearing a boy t-shirt and girl leggings. By my definition I am genderfluid at this moment.

I do love the idea that gender is so much more than boy or girl. As wonderful as it is to find a term that anyone can identify with, in some ways, it also shows how pointless it is to think of gender as either THIS or THAT. I hate that wearing leggings in boy mode means that society has to slap a definition on me.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

New En Femme Blog!

My new article for En Femme has been posted!

The latest article with blogger, trans-activist and fashionista, Hannah McKnight is now available on our Learning Center! Hannah’s blog discusses more in-depth her life as a self-described T-girl.

In recent articles for our Learning Center, Hannah has shared her advice for coping with the difficulties many of us have been experiencing as we practice social distancing and about the need to protect ourselves online, especially in this moment. In her latest article, “Strutting Away From Shame,” Hannah talks about overcoming our fears and feeling empowered as we accept and embrace ourselves for who we are.  Read it now>>

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I want to ask how I can tell my wife that I’m a cross dresser, I have been this way my whole life I’ve always known, I have tried to keep my desire a secret but the older I get it get harder to hide this .  I tried to come out to my wife 3 years ago , I got myself worked up to tell her and I even said the words but it didn’t go well and after talking for 3 hours I basically back tracked and said it was just a phase I went through as a teen and hadn’t done it since which was a lie and after all that and her questions the next day it was ignored and we haven’t mentioned it since and I just want her to say something again but she hasn’t.  Should I push the issue again?

I wouldn’t push the issue but that is different than bringing it up again.

Since you attempted to discuss it previously, you should know how she responded the first time.  You said it didn’t go well, but this revelation rarely does.  Why didn’t it go well?  What were her concerns?  Was she afraid you were gay?  That you wanted to transition?

If you do decide to bring the topic up again, be prepared to discuss what her concerns were that she raised the first time you came out.

And although she hasn’t brought it up since you had the talk, rest assured she probably thinks about it everyday.

Keep in mind that we shouldn’t come out with the hope or expectation that our partners will “let” us wear panties or paint our nails or however we wish to express our gender identity.  We should be open with our partners because it is the right thing to do, regardless of what we need to be open about.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Playing Dress Up

paper doll

As shelter-in-place restrictions are eased, we are able to slowly and gradually return to parts of our lives that have been off-limits for a while.  I am excited for this for a number of reasons.  One would think these restrictions are being phased out because the curve is flattening but that doesn’t seem to be the case, unfortunately.  That would be the reason I would be most excited about, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Regardless, I am excited to go out en femme and resume MN T-Girls events and photo shoots.  I have a shoot in June for En Femme and another shoot for some amazing stilettos I was sent to review.

Part of my review for the heels will be about matching the shoes with an appropriate outfit.  Which mini-dress looks best with a pair of sky-high stilettos, for example.  Sometimes the answer is obvious, sometimes this decisions keeps me up at night (not really.  Okay, maybe a little).

This side of me has an amazing wardrobe with a zillion different possibilities.  On one hand this is wonderful, on the other hand, it can be quite intimidating.  Putting together an outfit with everything from earrings to stockings to shoes to a top and making sure it all goes together is a learning curve.  I still have a hard time matching a skirt to a top which is one of the reasons I mostly wear dresses.

I’ve been thinking about which dresses I will wear for the shoes over the last few days and I think I have decided on two out of the three, but still considering the final pair.  Putting together an outfit is not unlike playing dress up with paper dolls.

Have you found putting together outfits easy?  What are some of your fashion rules?
Love, Hannah