Patterns

When I was growing up, I was fascinated and intrigued by the vast options of girl clothes. It was all so exciting compared to the clothes that were in my closet and dresser. It seemed like there was an endless variety of shoes. Girls could wear Mary Janes, saddle shoes, pumps, heels, ballet flats, wedges, and of course, stilettos. Girls could wear thongs, tangas, boyshorts, bikinis… the list goes ever on.

I was stuck with such boring clothes. Many of us wonder why we are who we are, and although this isn’t a question that can really be answered I suspect this has a lot to do with who I am.

Patterns were another fascination to me. I had striped shirts… and that was about it. I always loved hounds tooth, polka dots, and gingham patterns. They have always seemed to feminine to me. For my last photo shoot I wore a super cute red gingham pattern dress that I absolutely love and I hope you like it too!

Love, Hannah

That Friday Feeling

When COVID-19 started to really make an impact on our daily lives, it felt as if structure and routine completely turned inside-out. Many of us are working from home, we are limiting ourselves to activities and social visits, as well as countless other small and big things.

It feels like the months are either whizzing by or just dragging along. August feels like April and 2020 has been the longest year in history.

Even though it feels as if the days of the week are all blurring together, Friday still feels like an accomplishment. We made it through another week. And in 2020 making it to Friday is something to be proud of. It’s a small milestone but we should celebrate what we have when we can.

I was thinking about this today and how our lives are filled with small but enormous victories. Yes, they seem small from a global perspective, but they are huge steps for us. I look back on my (ugh) journey and I remember the first time I wore heels, the first time I wore a bra, the first time I saw my reflection en femme. Those moments all made me who I am today. They represented my acceptance of who I am. They were moments of me embracing who I am.

And these moments continue even today. I suspect (and I hope) I will have more small but gigantic victories. I recently embraced my shoulders after years of trying to hide them. Yes, this is not the same as finding a cure to cancer, but I think you know what I mean.

What victories have you had lately? What are your seemingly small and significant obstacles have you overcome? Please comment below, I would love to spend my Friday reading them. ๐Ÿ™‚

Love, Hannah

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love my Body

Once I stopped fretting about my shoulders, I happily went shopping for a few dresses that I had always wanted to wear but never had the courage to do so. I took my new dresses and confidence to my photo shoot from July and had an amazing day.

I love this dress, and I love these photos, but I am wondering if this girl needs some cleavage? ๐Ÿ˜‰ I wear forms and I like the shape they give me but it might be fun to have a little more… oomph ๐Ÿ™‚

Love, Hannah

From Concealing to Revealing

When I first started to fully dress I looked for clothes that would minimize some of my features. I found a new appreciation for layering and how contouring could downplay some of my more masculine facial features. When I started to go out of the house, I did my best to blend in instead of standing out.

But somewhere along the way in my (sigh) journey I stopped caring. I cared less about blending in and embraced my height and the fact that I am transgender and everyone who sees me or interacts with me knows I am transgender. I am going to stand out, so I may as well wear the stilettos and the bright pink dress.

But as confident as I was, I still avoided certain styles, namely dresses that revealed more of my shoulders than I was comfortable with. Spaghetti straps were a no-no. But a few months ago I had an epiphany. Global pandemics can do that to you. I decided that I was holding myself back, and I was tired of it.

So I bought the dresses I wanted to wear and I have never looked back. I wore the dress that kind of inspired this whole new way of thinking for a photo shoot in June and I wore several more of them for a shoot last month.

I have been doing more shopping online than I normally do. Again, a global pandemic can do that to you, but a dress kept popping up as a suggestion. I thought the dress was super cute but I thought I couldn’t pull it off as it was a little more revealing than what I normally wore.

But then I thought the hell with it and clicked “add to cart”.

A couple weeks later I wore it for a photo shoot and I would love to share some of the photos from that day. I hope you like them and I hope we all can overcome these invisible barriers in our lives.

Love, Hannah

Happy National Underwear Day!

Apparently today is National Underwear Day, so, uh, happy National Underwear Day for those who celebrate.

On one hand, I look at clothes as fabric that cover our bodies and there’s really no logical reason to genderize them in any way. On the other hand…. OMG, is there anything more feminine than panties?

I’d be lying if I said that selecting my panties for the day wasn’t one of my favorite moments. I love doing this because it represents me being comfortable with my gender identity. For too long I was afraid of wearing what I wanted to wear.

I would like to take a moment to recognize some of my favorite places to buy panties and lingerie. I support these business and I hope you do too!

Let me know if I am missing anyone!

Lingerie for Girls Like Us

The Breast Form Store

En Femme

Homme Mystere

Glamour Boutique

Xdress

Allies

Allure Lingerie

Glamorous Corset

Third Love

Love, Hannah

Impossible Things

โ€œWhy, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.โ€ย 

Lewis Carroll

When the pandemic hit and the little things and the big things were impacted, I looked at a lot of aspects to my life. I was reminded how important it as to support small, independent businesses that were affected by the shutdown. I realized I took meeting friends for dinner for granted. And of course, I realized just how important Hannah is to me.

I mean, I AM Hannah, and obviously we should be important to ourselves, but without having the option to get a makeover and spending the day en femme I was reminded how crucial it is to be me, to be all of me.

Being alive, being who we are, is a reason to celebrate. If you have accepted and embraced your gender identity you have accomplished something incredibly significant and special.

As restrictions started to lift and it was possible (and just a little safer) to get a makeover, I reevaluated my life. Both of my lives. We only live once, and life is too short not to wear that dress.

Yesterday I had a photo shoot with my friend and photographer of five years Shannonlee. There was no reason for the shoot. It wasn’t to review a dress or a shoe, it wasn’t for En Femme, it was just for fun (not to say shoots for reviews or for En Femme aren’t fun, they are, but you know what I mean). The theme of the shoot, if you will, was to wear a few dresses I have always wanted to wear. The location was the Stone Arch Bridge, one of my favorite places in the world.

I think many of us have at least one thing about their body they wish they could change. For me, I wish I didn’t have such broad and muscular (i.e. masculine) shoulders. But I had a moment of clarity earlier this year and I decided to just wear whatever I wanted, shoulders be damned.

So I did.

Yesterday’s shoot featured several dresses that I never thought I would wear. Two of them had halter straps and one had straps about as thin as dental floss. The point is that my shoulders were as exposed as they could possibly be. A year ago I would have thought this would be impossible.

And I never felt more beautiful, confident, and powerful.

Here’s a bit of a preview of yesterday’s shoot. I hope you like them and I hope you all cast away your doubts and fears about what holds you back, in all aspects of your lives.

Love, Hannah

Mixed Feelings

I think I am fairly prolific. I mean, God knows I tirelessly promote myself and I have no restraint when it comes to posting on social media. But aside from that, I have been running a website for almost ten years and the MN T-Girls is coming up on seven years. I’ve written for En Femme, Frock, and Xdress, modeled for Glamour Boutique, and have done reviews for The Breast Form Store. This girl works.

I know, I get a little tired of myself as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

Over the years I have received a lot of nice emails and messages. I have had my fair share of creepy and gross ones, too. I get asked questions and I do my best to answer them based on my experiences and thoughts. I don’t pretend I know everything. Some days I don’t feel I know anything at all.

The most terrifying thing someone can say to me is “I took your advice and I…”. This scares me like nothing else. If the advice is simply a recommendation on where to get a cute pair of heels that’s one thing, but almost anything else puts me on edge.

I get many emails about going out en femme and about relationships. Like I said, I do my best to chat about these things based on my experiences and I have rarely had a negative experience when going out. Based on my adventures and my observations, no one really cares. Yes, I’ve had stares and rude comments but these are rare and few and far between compared to the wonderful and mundane interactions I’ve had.

When I am asked about going out, for the most part I recommend it. Again, this is based on my experiences of no one seemingly caring and my ability to ignore everyone around me. Of course, it’s not as simple as getting dolled out and strutting to the mall. I know there are risks. I know we must be cautious for a number of reasons. Going out the first time or the fiftieth time takes planning and preparation.

That being said, it would crush me if anyone ever stepped out of the house based on my encouragement and had a really really bad and frightening experience. I don’t think I could ever get past that guilt.

This same fear comes along with relationship. In my heart of hearts, I believe we need to be honest with ourselves and with our significant others. I fully believe that coming out is the fair and moral decision.

However.

I know that every relationship is different and unique. I know that this revelation could, and has, ended relationships. Whether it is the crossdressing itself, or a partner feeling they were lied to or deceived, being honest about one’s gender identity will significantly impact things.

I know many of us are on a (ugh) journey. We are all in different places with this compared to where we were three years ago. Even if our wardrobe hasn’t changed, our feelings and perspectives have. At the same time, our journey will lead us to new places in the future. For some of us, it is simply a new and enormous wardrobe. For some, it is stepping out for the first time. For others, it is hormones and living full time.

I have received emails from other girls thanking me or inspiring them to be honest with themselves and/or their partners. Although I am happy that more of us are living life how we wish (or getting closer), I can’t help but feel responsible for any sort of distress, anxiety, or worse when it comes to this revelation on the partners and families of girls like us. I know it is not easy to be in a relationship with someone who is not 100% cis-gender. As confusing as this side of us is for us, it’s even more so for the people in our lives.

I am always happy to listen and to share my perspective, opinion, and experiences with anyone who asks for it, but I am always terrified to do so. Being who we are is a reason to celebrate. I love love love love being bi-gender. I love being a t-girl. I am proud to be trans. But part of my experiences include difficult conversations with my wife and stress and confusion that came with who I am.

We all share victories. No one is more excited when a t-girl buys a new dress or leaves the house for the first time than another girl like us. We also all share your stress, frustrations, heartache, and sadness when it comes to this side of us.

Living our truths and being honest with ourselves and others is not always easy. This revelation will always come with a price. Of course, if you want your life to change you have to accept that the rest of your world will be impacted by the change. Sometimes this change can lead to a fabulous stiletto collection, sometimes it can lead to a significant change in your relationships.

I think what I am trying to say is that if your life or relationships have been made worse because of any advice or inspiration you have taken from me then I am truly sorry. I know what who we are is not easy. I honestly agonize for days when it comes to answering an Ask Hannah question or responding to an email. I try not to give completely direct advice, but instead offer some things to consider or be mindful of when it comes to this side of us.

I do think I am prolific, and I am honored and blessed to be a voice in our community. I take my role seriously and I do not take your trust lightly.

Love, Hannah

Dressed to Kill

I did a lot of shopping under quarantine. I thought a lot about what I was going to do, and what I was going to wear once things returned back to normal. Of course, things haven’t returned back to normal and if they do, it probably won’t be for a long time.

One of the dresses I bought I thought of as my “out of lockdown” dress. Something that screamed dressed to kill and I found it at En Femme.

I didn’t wear this dress the first time I went out once many of the restrictions were lifted, but I did wear it for a photo shoot I did to review a pair of stilettos from The Breast Form Store.

Shannonlee shot some fabulous pictures of the dress and I wanted to show them off (big surprise). I hope you like them!

Love, Hannah

Ice Cream Social Distancing

Yesterday was the monthly outing for The MN T-Girls. During the pandemic our events have been pretty small and low-key, and July’s event was very much in that spirit.

A small group of us met up for some ice cream at Nelson’s Ice Cream in Saint Paul because really, what’s better than ice cream on a hot summer night?

It was a lovely night and I am glad we have been finding small ways to stay connected.

Love, Hannah