I think many of us fear being caught.
I have been wearing heels, dresses and anything else you can name for as far back as I can remember. Well, maybe wearing isn’t the right phrase, perhaps “trying to wear” is more appropriate. I recall being as young as four and searching the closet for my mom’s high heels. Even when I was young, I didn’t think there was anything “wrong” with me, I just liked what I liked. But I somehow knew my wardrobe preferences should be kept a secret.
Until perhaps fifteen years ago, terror and crossdressing went hand in hand. I was terrified whenever I worked up the courage to go to Target to buy panties at the chance of someone bumping into me. I was terrified someone would open my closet and see my stilettos. I was terrified all the time of being caught.
After I came out to my girlfriend, whom I later married, the fear went away for the most part. The person whose opinion really mattered knew all about me and I didn’t need to hide anymore. I slowly started posting on forums, such as crossdressers.com, soon photos appeared and, well, now I have this website.
The fear faded as I grew older and started to realize that it was unlikely I would be “caught”. As far as I know, I have kept this a secret from everyone that I haven’t come out to. I don’t have any fear going out at all, either. I don’t think Hannah looks like male me unless you were close enough, but then again, I may be fooling myself. But I really don’t think I am.
Having this blog and posting photos does open up the chance of being “caught”. Am I afraid someone in my male life would see it? Not really. I don’t think this is the kind of site you just stumble upon. I think you’d find my site if you were looking for a site like mine. And if you’re looking for a site like mine, well, you probably understand the importance of keeping a secret.
The other day I was thinking about our fear of being caught. It’s true, I don’t want to be caught, but I was thinking if there’s anyone in my male life that knows about me that I don’t know of. It is entirely possible that someone has seen me in the mall carrying a Victoria’s Secret bag or at Ulta picking up foundation. It is possible someone has found my site, either on accident or on purpose. If someone has see me and are respecting my privacy, then I truly appreciate it.
If someone does know about me, I really wouldn’t mind if you let me know that you know. Unless of course you think I am weird or doing something wrong, then you can keep pretending that you don’t know. But if you know me, if you know the male me, you can tell me. I don’t like keeping secrets, but we all know how important it is to keep this secret. If you know the male me and want to meet Hannah, let me know. She would like to meet you, too.