Ask Hannah!

I’m a married man that crossdresses. My wife knows about it. I’ve been crossdressing for quite some time now and the one thing I’ve always wanted to do is go out in public. My wife is not ok with me going in public all dressed up. I was wondering if you have any advice for that.

Yes, my advice is to listen to her.

Relationships and…what we do and who we are, are not easy.  Some of us have partners that participate and help us shop or put together an outfit or hit the mall with us.  Some of us have a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” policy, some relationships are very tense due to this, and some of us haven’t come out to our significant others.

Telling our partners (mind, I use the term telling our partners as opposed to being caught by our partners) can be a huge weight of our shoulders.  We need to be honest with ourselves and with our partners.  I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s the truth.  And we need to have these conversations when the relationship get serious.  Not after you move in with them, not after you get engaged, not after you get married.  Before.  Before any of that.

Keeping something as big as this a secret is almost suffocating.  But we need to tell our partners.  It’s better to be up front with this than it is to be caught.  Once this secret is out, then we need to conscious of how they will react to this.  They are coming to grips with this, too.

And yes, once you come out to your partner, they will likely set boundaries.  Sometimes it’s not telling the kids or telling anyone else, or not posting photos or not chatting with anyone online or not leaving the house.

Sometimes boundaries can be a small price compared to stress of keeping a secret.  Out of respect for your wife, respect these boundaries.  She is dealing with this, too.  Be respectful of her and her feelings and her request.

If you go behind her back, you run the risk of losing her trust.  And nothing is worth that.

Love, Hannah


One thought on “Ask Hannah!

  1. Hi Hannah. You refer to options of telling our partners and of being caught by our partners and that we need to tell our partners. There is a third option that has applied to me.

    I DID get caught, but was able to mitigate by citing personal circumstances that I won’t/can’t go into here, but have to a degree amid my many blog entries.

    The third option that applied to me was to stop, and after an incident of deceit (not related to crossdressing) came before me following the death of a friend, I realised that I could not criticise them for their deceit when I was, as far as I was concerned, indulging in a form of deceit of my own. That was enough of a jolt to bring things to and end.

    This was all well and good for me, but I know that many others have completely different circumstances. Personally, there was never going to be a way for me to tell my partner about what, for me, was to all intents and purposes, a fetish, and having been caught but able to arguably weedle my way out it, the only other way to find my own peace of mind in everything else in my life was to stop.


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