Be Careful About Who You Hate…

I am far from perfect but occasionally I do nice things for people.  With how difficult it is to find certain essential items these days I had been keeping an eye out for some Target-y things that someone I knew needed.  I was able to find these supplies yesterday while out running errands and I picked them up for the person who needed them.

Again, nothing heroic, just doing something that they would do for me.

I couldn’t help but reflect on how people need people.  But I also thought about how this person is very Republican and is very anti-trans.


God, I know.  However, I can’t think of a single anti-LGBTQ+ piece of legislation that has been introduced that wasn’t authored by a Republican.  Additionally the person I am referring to has said very hurtful things towards our community in private (and not so private) conversations with me.  And for me personally the way you vote and the party you affiliate yourself says a lot about your values.

Sure, some people vote Republican because of what they claim to be for economical reasons.  Okay.  But when that same party also pushes laws that hurt the LGBTQ+ community, to me that says you support the party that support these laws, or at the very least that you tolerate these perspectives.

But this post is not meant to be political.  I promise.  What I am trying to say is this person, although they do kind things and we are friendly towards each other, we are about as different as it gets when it comes to values and perspectives on… everything, especially gender.  I do know this person thinks highly of me, but I feel that opinion would change drastically if they knew me.  Like, really knew me.

I feel that who we are is absolutely tied to, well, who we are.  Sure, someone might like me as a person, but if they are anti-trans, then their opinion of me doesn’t matter.  If someone knows ALL OF ME, then they need to support ALL OF ME.

That is not to say that someone has to like every aspect of someone else.  I can like a co-worker but hate how they interrupt me whenever I am talking.  I can like a friend but get annoyed at how they are always late when we meet for dinner.

But gender identity, race, nationality, sexual, and romantic preferences are more than personality traits or habits.  This is who someone is.  This is who I am.

The person who I am referring to is affiliated with a political party and has perspectives that contradict everything I am and everything I stand for.  What would they think if they knew who I was?

Well, probably one of three scenarios.

1) They cut me out of their life completely

2) They ignore this part of me

3) They realize that perhaps that their perspectives on gender are not as black and white as they thought and try to understand people like me better and how their actions and words hurt someone they now

In the end, it doesn’t matter and it’s impossible and pointless to speculate.  They will never know this side of me.

But what I know is they hate me.  They would prefer that I didn’t exist.  Sure, they like and respect me, but my God, they would do anything in the world to remove transpeople from society.

We are used to people like this.  It would be hard to live our lives and not have to interact with people with this perspective.  But we as a community have done so for our entire lives and will continue to do so.

I read that you need to be careful about who you hate, because it might be someone you love.  Nothing has ever been more true.

Love, Hannah

17 thoughts on “Be Careful About Who You Hate…

  1. I understand. The few people I’ve discussed this side of me with outside of our community, my closest and oldest friends, have all reacted the same. See 1 and 2. And like you’ve written with your own family they accept our community just not me or yours with Hannah in it. I refer to it as the, Not in my house syndrome. Oh, and they are all very much democrats. Also many people due confuse pandering to buy votes with actual acceptance and support.


  2. “… But Hannah, not every….”

    True and yet such groups remain quiet when discriminatory measures are suggested. They condone such rhetoric through inaction.

    I remember a news story in which certain politicians where trying to whip up hysteria of the Trans Menace (careful you don’t sprain your muscles with the eyeroll).

    The reporter countered – IMHO, rather beautifully – that the issue with that stance is personal experience. “But, Uncle Jack is femme at the weekends and he’s okay” or “But the two old ladies from nextdoor who married last year are really nice…”

    Such personal experiences are what you do when you – or any reader here – when out and being visible. You normalise being Trans and I think that pushes back against prejudice. It might well be why certain folk spew such bile as society is changing…. and they don’t like it.


    1. you make an assumption that all T Girls must be Democrats. I can only speak to my closest group of 5–1 Democrat, 1 non-citizen liberal, 2 Republicans and 1 Libertarian.not everyone is 1 issue driven. did you ever hear of the Log Cabin Republicans? Also-if you come out 100% against the GOP they won’t even listen to you. here in Florida it was a Republican who blocked a “bathroom bill” from coming out of committee.


      1. Or that all T folk are American 🙂 I’ve heard anti Trans stuff from the left, the centre, and the right.


  3. OK Hannah, let’s put everyone in their tribe as that’s what it’s coming down to. We vs, them. Sheeesh. We are all one consciousness. Tribalism destroys us. On all sides of the spectrum, on any issue, everyone is partially right. The trans community, thank God, has progressed since I first stuck my big toe out in public 30 plus years ago. Acceptance then was not killing killed, both figuratively and literally.
    Angel Amore
    You have a very good site Hannah


  4. Whatever happened to the “old” Hannah. You know, the one with the cute cartoons, who could laugh at herself and had a smile and very upbeat view of life. I get so tired of being labeled a racist, trans-phobic, narrow-minded and a deplorable Republican. Those of you on the left need to practice some of “tolerance” you ask for with others, that may have different views from you. All Republicans, Independents or those with differing views than yours are not bad people. Just like all of those on the left are not bad. No wonder there is so much division in this country. It’s time all of us take a good look in the mirror, stop with the name calling /stereotyping and make an honest attempt to get along.


    1. Melanie,

      Maybe YOU aren’t racist, trans-phobic, or narrow, but the politicians you vote for most certainly are. Starting with POTUS and throughout the country.

      As Hannah accurately notes, the trans hating bills across the country never seem to be introduced by anyone other than Republicans, are they?

      Which POTUS allowed transgender individuals in the armed forces? Obama. Which POTUS objected? Trump.

      Funny, I don’t remember any white nationalists in the Obama White House, but Stephen Miller is a trusted advisor in the Trump White House, one of those pushing to separate families at the border.

      The same White House that is completely putting the country at risk because of the Corona virus. Do you know the irony? The individuals greatest at risk during the pandemic are older people, the ones who tend to vote for Republicans and watch Fox News. They listen to POTUS and believe him, and put themselves at risk.

      This POTUS will go down in history as the worst President ever. EVER.

      Yet I imagine you are ready to give him four more years to spread his hate and mismanagement.

      And you can’t understand why there is division in this country? 40% of the people think Trump is doing a good job and the other 60% realize he’s a despicable human being who is unqualified to be POTUS.

      Hannah, keep up the good work. Your blog is daily reading.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry Melanie, you make my point, completely.

        From your response to Tanit below:


        Do you know who violates that idea every day?

        The POTUS that you voted for.

        He’s referred to Mexicans as rapists and drug carriers.

        He’s mocked a reporter with a disability.

        He’s referred to “shithole” countries that have predominantly people of color.

        He was a birther who alleged Obama was born in Kenya.

        As noted in my original post, he banned trans people from the armed forces.

        He keeps calling, on advice from white nationalist Stephen Miller, to call the corona virus the “Chinese” virus, which has led to abuse of people of Chinese descent.

        Today he said that if states want help from the federal government they have to be “nice to him”. So governors have to kiss his ring to get the PPE they desperately need or to get him to act?

        The list of his racist comments are long.

        While you write that “we shouldn’t jump to conclusions about people”, POTUS does it every day to get votes from people like you.


        Do you really want to know what happened?

        Eighty thousand people in three toss-up states, in our system that was created to protect slavery, voted to elect Trump, who lost the overall election by over 3 million votes. From day one he has put his bigoted, racist views into action, starting with the ban on Muslims and continuing today with calling the virus the “Chinese” virus.

        And we are a worse nation for it.

        That’s what happened.

        Hannah’s just too polite to say it.

        I’m not.


  5. Hannah, I have a long-standing friendship with someone broadly similar to that whom I went to school with. We usually get together with others once a month and then his political soapbox comes out and he usually ends up bitching about “special interest” legislation that eventually gets to Trans folk (and other things). I cannot tell him that I am one of “those” that he bitches about so I suck it up and try to mitigate the rant with some form of light disagreement or misdirection. I know that this is a cop-out for our community but as I value his friendship of many years and as I know in my heart that he would probably not accept the “real” me, this would hurt me immeasurably. Unfortunately, this is one of the things that tear at the “duality” of my fragile existence…😢

    Melanie: I agree wholeheartedly with you. What really pisses me off more than just about anything political though is when legislation that I despise is labeled as “common sense” and then is attempted to be force-fed to me. If I disagree, then I obviously don’t have any “common-sense” ergo, I am stupid. Some willingly drink the Kool-Aid, others not so much…😉 Stay safe!


  6. Tanit,

    You make a valid point about “common sense” and being forced to accept something that goes against your beliefs. I agree with you totally. The thing that upsets me the most is when people judge others by how they dress, present themselves, talk, look etc and try to force their view on life on others. The good Lord made all of us in His /Her image. I get very frustrated and angry when someone is denigrated and put down because they happen to wear clothing that “somebody” has decreed is not “appropriate”. It’s who you are on the inside that counts, not what you choose to wear on the outside. If I choose to dress as a lady (I’m 70 yrs. old) and present as one, that’s my business–just as long as I don’t purposely go out to hurt anyone in the process. Life is too short to carry the baggage of bigotry and hate around every day. It will rot you from the inside. Live and let live, treat everyone with respect and try not to jump to conclusions about another human being, just because their views differ from yours. It’s a beautiful world out there, if you let the light in and love one another.
    Take care. . .Melanie


    1. Mark Twain wrote about arguing with fools because onlookers might not be able to tell the difference. After this, I’m done.

      Many Republicans, including Trump and the Trump Administration, are anti-trans in words, actions, and deeds. This has been proven time and again (they used to target gays, but when that became politically unpopular, they moved on to kicking trans people).

      If you vote Republican and/or for Trump, you are therefore voting for anti-trans actions and legislation.

      If you (and the others) are going to whine that your feelings are hurt when people point this out, there is a simple solution.

      Stop voting for (white male) Republican candidates that use anti-trans actions and words to attract votes.

      Otherwise, quit pouting that members of the trans community are treating you unfairly. The politicians you support are undermining our rights as trans people.

      If you don’t understand that, there’s nothing else I can write to persuade you.


    1. You are so very right, Kassie. It is so hare to believe there are people out there filled with such hate and anger. Take care and be safe, Melanie


  7. This topic i very interesting to me.

    The very person I came out to was a hardcore republican friend. She kept saying negative things about the LGBT community in particular transgender people.

    I finally got fed up and told her she was talking about me. Since then we have become very close. Her views have changed dramatically. She enjoys meeting me for lunch or a drink when I am dressed as my true self.

    She i still a avid republican. Sometimes all it takes is knowing someone that is in a community you don’t agree with.

    For instance I don’t understand belonging to an organized religion. Yet some of my closes friends that I respect dearly do.

    We can have differences and still love each other.


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