Is this side of us something we are born with? Can it be changed?
Lady Gaga said we are born this way.
And I agree, we are born this way, but we may not be aware of our identity at first. For me, I realized early on that I wanted to wear lipstick and dresses and I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with it. I didn’t think just because I was a boy it didn’t mean I couldn’t wear high heels.
As I got older I realized the scope of my gender identity. This wasn’t just wanting to wear panties, I just didn’t feel like a boy but I didn’t think I was a girl. I wasn’t either, I was both. I had no problem being a boy but I didn’t always want to be one.
And no, I do not think we can change. We can try to deny who we are, what we want, how we feel. We can ignore it, we can pretend this part of us isn’t there, we can fight it. Many of us struggle with trying to repress this side of us. We can purge, but we all know we will sooner or later buy another dress and we start all over.
If you are in conflict with who you are, how you identify, or what you want, I do not think this is something we can conquer, so to speak. We end up being miserable because we are not being true to ourselves and we spend so much time and energy in internal conflict. That is no way to live.
And no, it can’t be changed. I realize that this side of us is not easy to accept or understand. Our gender identity is not something we should fight. We are who we are and we are perfect.
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5 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!”
And this only makes sense to those who live with such a sense of gender. To the rest of the world it is impenetrable although some are generous enough to accept even when they don’t understand.
This rings so true! With recovery from ortho surgery, and now us all being home together, Haley has been locked away for months now…and it’s starting to really affect me. Becoming Haley physically calms me, puts me in a good spot mentally, but without her I am starting to become agitated. It has almost reached the point that I’m feeling the need to come out to my wife just to maintain my sanity. But, I know this is not the time, nor the reason, to bring all of this tension to the surface. Maybe if it were just the clothes, but it’s also my sexual preferences that are beginning to adapt to the way I feel when dressed. I look forward to your daily thoughts, you seem like a beautiful person both inside and out, and just knowing someone understands makes it seem a little more tolerable. Thanks for being you❣️
I loved to cross dress for years, but I thing that more than a fun activity is a biological necessity; I could not help myself and would go insane if I did not do it for too long. That feeling faded after I started transition; something I swore to myself I would never do however as the post indicates, you can’t cheat nature. I am not suggesting that is also your path, but is something you should honestly consider.
I think the main issue is, society wants to put us in boxes. You’re either male, or female. But like skin colors, cultures, religions or politics, everything is not simply A or B or C, but there are infinite variations inbetween.
I’ve always thought something was possibly wrong with me, but it’s not until the last years that I realized what was wrong was with society. Everything became clear to me when I learned about the “genderfluid” status. Mostly, the idea behind that is, even though our body maybe predominantly male or female, we’re not 100% male or 100% female psychologically. I initially estimated I was possibly 70% male, 30% female, but lately I have realized I’m possibly more 60/40.
I’ve started reading My Husband Betty last week-end – on your advice – and some of the statements in there already annoyed me (to say the least) quite a few times, especially when describing men and women, because it still mostly considers the A and B option, and no grey area. I assume that it comes from the perspective of people that may not have understood that fuzzy line between genders, and also the book was written in 2003, long before the “genderfluid” term appeared.
So to summarize, we’re not wrong, but we’re far from both “ideals” of 100% male or 100% female (that is, ideal to society, since I’m pretty pleased of my own in-the-middle ideal, TBH). Once society accepts genderfluidity, we’ll all be fine and people will be able to dress however they like, and nobody will judge them. Give it probably 15-20 years (the time for all current genderfluid teenagers to come to adulthood…)
As many, I felt different from preschool, without being quit able understand what felt r why. Like most of us, I spent the majority of life oscillating between extreme denial and an ill informed attempt to accommodate my gender conflict. So often, denial fed frustration, self loathing and anger while the half step accommodation left me feeling incomplete.
I waited decades too long before finally allowing myself full expression of what by then I finally could acknowledge…I wanted to dress, and to the greatest extent possible, live my life as a woman. That caveat, as much as possible, represents the significant compromises I still feel obliged to make for my family and those physiologically masculine traits most difficult to conceal.
My personal experience suggests that denial and repression are doomed to failure. Worse these can damage your life personally and professionally. And from my past decade or so, I have learned that it is possible to be true to yourself and your gender identity, even as you may compromise for the benefit of others.
My advice: have hope and take well thought out chances to bring yourself happiness and fulfillment.