It seems like forever since I’ve been en femme.
I mean, I underdress, I wear nighties, I wear leggings… but head to heels? It’s been ages. I have tried on my new dresses and stilettos of course, but we all know there’s nothing like the whole presentation.
But that changes tomorrow. I am doing a photo shoot for En Femme’s new summer line. I have my first makeover in months scheduled, I have a lot of new outfits to wear, and I should be excited.
I mean, I am. Don’t get me wrong.
But given everything that happened here over the last ten days, I am exhausted. I am emotionally spent. I am tired all the time. What happened in Minneapolis is awful. What happened to George Floyd was wrong and heartbreaking. What happened to our city is beyond belief.
Right now parts of my life seem a little more shallow than usual, and I am feeling guilty for booking a makeover and modeling. I think I am a good ambassador and voice for our community, but I am wanting to do more for more people.
But I suppose I don’t need to save the world. I don’t have to help everyone. No one can. I think we need to find how we can make a positive impact on others in the world, we need to find our strengths, our causes, our passions. I don’t know how to help rebuild a business or dismantle systematic racism. I can’t stop my neighbor from being racist.
But I can maybe help someone feel less alone when it comes to their gender identity. Maybe I can make someone look at our community in a more positive light. Maybe what I do is enough, especially if it makes me happy and I am sincere in what I am doing.
I am still processing everything from the last ten days. We are still living through a pandemic. This year is draining me.
But tomorrow I am getting a part of my life back, a part of me back. My other half. And in some ways, it’s a start.
Take care of each other.