Hello Hannah, I love your blog and posts. For me, your words comfort, inspire and provide hope of fearless living.
I’m a 55 y/o straight married man. I adore women’s clothing and wear many accessories daily at home. This is a practice I’d love for many years. I just love combining women’s attire as my expression and fashion, particularly skirts, nail polish & shirts.
My wife does not have any issues in my choice of clothing and often encourages me to dress as I please. I struggle with the notion of going in public in my favorite skirt although it would be so fulfilling. Will you please provide me with advice on overcoming the fear of being stares at and judged for just being me? I do wear nail polish without a care in the world.
It sounds like you have a wonderful wife. 🙂
The truth is that you can’t stop someone staring at you.
You can’t stop someone from judging you.
Almost anyone who falls in the transgender spectrum (which includes you), is going to be stared at. Most of us stand out. I stand out for two reasons. Number one, I am obviously trans. I am tall, I have very masculine features, and my voice doesn’t help. People will stare or at least do a double-take when they see me. Seeing a trans person in public is becoming more common, but many people at the mall haven’t seen a transgender person in real life (as far as they know).
Secondly I stand out because of what I wear. Not many girls at the mall are wearing heels and a dress, but I am. So, I stand out because of that, too.
I can’t stop someone from staring. So why worry about it?
You also can’t stop someone from judging you. No matter what you do, people will judge you. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it is what it is.
You are powerless to stop what others think of you. But you will also likely never know what people think. Sure, they might be staring at me, but are they staring at me because I’m transgender or because they love my dress? Or they giving me an evil eye because I’m transgender or because I can strut in heels better than they can?
I don’t know. I haven’t asked anyone what they think of me.
Whether you are in male mode rocking a skirt or glammed up head to toe, who we are will never be okay. Let ’em stare. You can’t stop them.
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
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Again I’m impressed, Hannah, with your response. After reading the question, I had no idea what I would answer. And then your words. So spot on. And they come at the right time, because next week I will go out as Louise for the first time. I’ll remember your words.
Totally Hannah. If I look at it from a cost-benefit perspective, I ask “What’s worth more?” Going to my grave having never lived the way I wanted to, -or- Not being approved by an onlooker who seeks to confirm his sorry take on human gender identity?
It appears to me, you are more than ‘half-way’ there as to ‘going out’.
I would ‘bet the ranch’ your wife will support you, as well as join you in a ‘social outing’. My wife truly enjoys ‘our shopping and dining dates’. Wife really likes it when I help her pick out clothes, as ‘I have GREAT TASTE in choosing womens clothing.
The only real impediment right now is the VIRUS, and restricted social venues.
In the long run, very few persons ever examine the persons around them, as they are too neurotic (and constantly self examining their own behavior) to actually be focused on you.
If you have not read my story, google: Femulate March 11, 2020 and Femulate January 27, 2020. I am age 66.
Things are working out quite nicely on all fronts.
BTW, this is one month to the day from my ‘robotic surgery’ for the prostate. The results were just great. I drove myself home (42 miles) almost exactly 24 hours after the surgery. I used only two 350mg Tylenol for the post recovery pain.
Wife is wondering when ‘we can go out’. Yet there are few places to go….
Hopefully, soon the world will be SAFELY opening up again.
Do have your plans in place.
I wish you and your wife all the best.
Thank you Velma
Thank you all for your replies and encouragement.
Today I went for a walk in my skirt. 🙂
One little step at a time. How did that venture feel?