I do my best to help girls like us. Sometimes it’s being asked about makeup or where to find heels in their size, but I get just as many questions and emails about the more difficult and emotional and serious side of who we are.
I try to be gentle and direct and honest. Many of us are conflicted or confused or scared about who we are. Many of us are in denial. When I tell others like us that we are who we are, we can’t change (and there’s no reason to), I want that message to be comforting. Yes, this side of us certainly doesn’t make life easier, but knowing that there’s nothing wrong with who you are is the first step towards accepting who you are. It’s the first step we take when we stop resisting what we want (and what we want to wear). Ending the fight against yourself is how you get to embracing and celebrating who we are.
I understand and respect and am honored by the trust that people put into me and what I write. I take every email seriously (except the ones from the guys who keep asking me to sissify them). Sometimes questions come to me through email, sometimes they are submitted through the ‘Ask Hannah’ section. And sometimes the questions come anonymously and really, that’s okay. I understand the fear of being outed and how hard many of us try to not have any trail of our male identity to a website like mine. In many, many ways, caution and paranoia protect us. I totally get that.
I respond to most emails I get with a few exceptions (seriously, stop asking me to sissify you) and most of the emails seem to be from one’s femme email account. I don’t think it’s uncommon for many of us to have multiple email accounts. I certainly do. Some emails are from what is obviously “his” email account. Rest assured your information is safe with me. Some questions are sent to me from fake email addresses though but the questions and concerns are serious and personal. Many messages like this are sent in the very late (or very early) hours of the day. The time of the day when our thoughts are the loudest. The time of the day when most of the world (or your family) is asleep. The time when we reflect and think about… well, everything.
When I get an email that I can’t respond to because it’s a fake email account, it does make me concerned. It’s normal for me to get a message from someone who is pouring their heart out about this side of them. They are truly worried, scared, lonely about who they are. They want help, they want friends, they want someone to talk to. I want to help, I want to offer support and resources but I can’t reply to an email that isn’t real.
Again, I do understand and can relate to not using an email address that can be traced to our male lives. I totally get that so I understand why one would use a fake email.
When I get those emails in the wee small hours of the morning I want to offer resources and ways to connect to girls like us. We need friends like us.
If you are reading this and you are lonely, afraid, or sad and need help I want to help you. And I will, to the best that I am able. If you write to me and don’t provide a way for me to respond then I can’t do anything. And again, I get it. If have written to me and needed help, but didn’t provide a way for me to respond, I would have replied with these resources and links:
-First of all, there’s nothing wrong with who you are and what you want to wear. You are who you are and you are beautiful. The world doesn’t understand us and that’s okay. I don’t understand us either 🙂
-If you are looking to make friends with girls like us, then I recommend creating a profile and posting on the forums on crossdressers.com and transgenderheaven.com-If you need support please find a local chapter of PFLAG.
And the most serious resource I can point you towards is Trans Lifeline.
I hope this helps. As much as I talk about eyeliner and stilettos and shamelessly post photos of myself, I understand and can relate to how our gender identity can cause a lot of pain, confusion, isolation, and fear.
And thank you for trusting me and for reaching out. I wish I could do more.
7 thoughts on “I Hear You”
All great information Hannah. Thank you !!
It is good to have somebody like you, who will listen, understand, and offer non-judgmental advice.
What always comes through is that you make it clear that you are speaking from your perspective. that you’re not speaking as the be all opinion, but that you offer your advice based on what you know through your experience and what folks whom you know have told you about theirs As Linda above states, you LISTEN. And you provide tangible support through the resources such as the links to pages that have been helpful. Likely one of the most welcomed I’ve felt in a very long time apart from my friends. I feel safe here
It’s always good to have a resource from someone like yourself who gets us since just like us you live it.
Our friend Kandi died as well and she’s also a great source of encouragement and fun.
Thanks Hannah for being here
Oh silly me not proof reading
It should say Kandi does as well
Thanks for all you do!
I have always loved your blogs, Hannah. You have always come across as a warm-hearted and generous person. Thanks for what you do for the trans community. Sue x