Ask Hannah!

What advice (if any) would you give to someone about coming out to a close personal friend that has only ever known you in male mode? Does dealing with the current world situation mean that maybe now is not the time to even consider this?


This pandemic is impacting EVERYTHING and it is certainly impacting how we process information.  I have days where I just want to get through and I don’t want any new information.  This is not the time to have a giant conversation about something that will forever change EVERYTHING between you and the person you come out to.


As for advice… well, we are all different and have different relationships with the people in our lives.  It’s impossible to come out to different people in the same way, at least in my experience.  How you come out is likely going to be influenced by who you come out.  When I came out to my gay brother I came out in a different way than I did to my now wife.
There’s a few things I would consider before I came out to anyone.


-Have they ever said any disparaging or offensive things about someone who is LGBTQ+?  If they make gay jokes or use slurs I probably would think twice (and thrice) before coming out
-Are they trustworthy?  If you are considering coming out to one person it’s probably because you are trying to control who knows and that’s fair.  I do the same thing.  If this is a person who tends to gossip or has told you anything that they shouldn’t have then they may do the same thing with what you tell them.


-Why are you telling them?  I’ve come out to different people for different reasons.  I came out to my girlfriends because they needed to know everything about the person they were in a long term relationship with.  I came out to my roommate because there was a chance she would see my bra strap under my boy clothes (plus at that point in my life I was exhausted emotionally and was tired of keeping secrets).  I came out to my sisters because I wanted Hannah to have sisters.  


-How do you identify?  Do you just like to underdress or do you plan to transition?  Think about where you are on your (ugh) journey and be ready to explain and answer questions
-Is it fair to come out to them?  If you come out to them and want them to keep this information private is it fair to ask them to keep this a secret?  What I mean is that if I were to come out to my best male friend, is it fair to ask him to keep it a secret to his wife?  In many ways coming out is asking someone to share this secret as well and for me I do not like keeping secrets from my wife.  


Again, there’s no right way to come out to someone.  Just be kind and patient.  

Related reading:

Unringing a Bell

Just One of the Guys

Sharing the Secret

Meeting Your Heroes


Love, Hannah  

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

4 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!

  1. There is no thing as a secret, if you tell one person, they will tell one person, with in a week the train is a mile long, if you desire to wear bra and panties you best find like friends,, in short, no one knows or everyone knows!! CD BILLIE

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  2. Agree with Linda and Billie that the cat out of the bag has no bounds. Admire Hannah.s. courage to convey to her sisters and brother the desire to cross dress. Given her popularity on the internet, it is amazing she handles the topic so well..

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  3. Merry Christmas Hannah, Today I will be wearing a beautiful dress 👗 , here around the house to keep myself calm and happy.

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