We ask ourselves why we are like this.
Our partners ask us why we are like this.
It’s just… how we’re wired. We’re just born this way.
I do not think gender identity is a choice. It’s just who we are. I believe this side of us is a part of us when we are born. It may take years, even decades for us for us to realize there is something there inside when it comes to stepping outside of the traditional and societal gender roles. When I was young, around five years old, I remember seeing mannequins at a department store modeling lingerie. Something just clicked for me. A part of my heart, my brain, opened a little bit and I realized that I was mesmerized by these beautiful clothes in a different way than most boys would be.
Yes, a boy is often interested in girls and lingerie is a different and sensual world that most boys aren’t involved in, but moments like that made me want to wear lingerie. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to wear stockings and a garter belt. It was then that I started to pay attention to how I felt, what I thought about when it came to “girl things”, whether it was makeup, a beautiful dress, or how boys and girls were “supposed” to think, act, and feel.
I think many of us think that this side of us might be a fetish. And sure, it might be for some of us, but lingerie, heels, dresses are not sexually stimulating to me. When I am en femme, or even simply underdressing, I feel amazing, sexy, beautiful, but never aroused.
But…why? I don’t know. It’s just who we are. Some people like to link certain events in our lives to this side of us. I have heard everything from an absent father, a domineering mother, unaddressed trauma, repressed sexual identity as reasons why we are drawn to the other side of the closet. There may be some truth to that for some of us, but I don’t think that there is anything inherently psychological connecting me to my gender identity. Sometimes I think I am enlightened and I simply ignore gender norms and do what I want, and where what I choose. Clothes are clothes, there’s no need to genderize them.
I don’t think any of us can point to a definitive reason and say THIS IS WHY I AM WHO I AM. Some of us feel we were born with the wrong body, some of us feel were assigned the wrong gender at birth, some of us… well, we go back and forth like a ping-pong ball trying to find a reason why. I get tired of looking for a reason why I am who I am. Ultimately I don’t think it’s anything I’ll understand and I try not to speculate about it. In many ways, I am comforted by accepting I was born this way.
BUT! When we say we were born this way, could there be a genetic reason for it? What if it’s not trauma, enlightenment, or anything else, but something biological wiring us in this way? Could our genes impact our gender identity?
We are about to enter the OVERTHINKING ZONE, so fasten your garter belts, ladies.
A friend of mine and I have been chatting about this over the last few days and she sent over a couple of articles you may find interesting. Ultimately I can’t say if biological factors influence who I am, or who any of us is. If it wasn’t for spell check I wouldn’t even be able to spell neurologist, let alone be able to make any sort of decision about the link between genes and femme jeans. I suppose you could make an argument for this as well as against it.
However, would I like this to be true? Would I want there to be a connection between my brain and my gender identity? Would I like there to be a biological reason I was born this way?
I don’t know. I really don’t. People fear the unknown, people hate those who are different. I understand this is rather broad and a massive generalization, but there is discrimination and violence against people of different races, different genders, different sexuality. It wasn’t long ago that people who were left-handed were thought to be communists. The trans community is already hated enough as it is, giving people a “reason” to hate on us is something we don’t need. I mean, if this was true haters are going to say things like “See?! they’re genetically different! Their brains are messed up! There’s something wrong with them!” And soon enough there will be talk about “fixing” our brains or conversion “therapy”.
On the other hand, it’s comforting that this is just how I am because of subtle variants in my genes (and subtle differences in my femme jeans, lol). I don’t think gender identity is a choice, and the idea our biology influences that is, well, it’s kind of nice to have an explanation about why we are the way we are.
What do you think? Do you think there is something to this? Would you like it to be true?