The Thrill is Never Gone

As much as I care and write about deconstructing gender roles and fighting (in my own way) for transequality, I still, and will always, want to look as femme as possible.

And this is a really good time to reassert that there are no standards one must meet in order to be a girl, to be cute, or feminine.  A girl wearing stilettos is just as feminine as a girl wearing flats.  A girl with a $70 makeover is just as femme as a girl without makeup.I don’t (and no one does) need to wear a cute dress to identify as a girl.

Okay, now that THAT’S out of the way, I absolutely love and aspire to look as cute and as femme as possible.  Although a girl doesn’t have to have a certain shape, I love the hourglass figure a tightly cinched corset gives me.  I love wearing cute heels that match my outfit perfectly.  I live for the cupid bow on my lips, the seductive look false eyelashes give.  I love sexy lingerie under my dress.  I love it all.  

Although I don’t really know WHY I am wired the way I am, I do know WHY I wanted to wear what I wear all those years ago.  When I was young I was simply fascinated by beautiful lingerie, I imagined it would be (and it is!) so much fun to wear a dress.  I was drawn to this beautiful and in a way, forbidden, world and jumped in as soon as I had the chance.  Trying on my sister’s dress, the first time I wore a bra, the new perspective that stilettos gave me (I was so tall!).  

No matter how many times I go out en femme, no matter how many dresses I own, no matter how many makeovers I have, I still get that thrill, that joy, that happiness that I had the very first time I did, well, any of this.  I’ll never get used to this, I’ll never get bored.  The thrill will never be gone.
And I know you know what I mean.  

A photoshoot takes a lot of time and a lot of planning and a lot of coordination.  The day of the shoot is exhausting and I am spent after a day in front of a camera.  Photoshoots require a lot of moving around from location to location, changing clothes (and finding places to change), hoping no one kicks us out of where we are taking pictures, and trying not to look tired as the day passes.  Once the day is over and I am back home I tell myself that’s the last shoot for a while, but as soon as Shannonlee sends over the first preview shots then my imagination gets reignited and I start fantasizing about another shoot.  MN T-Girl events take a lot of planning and like a photoshoot, I am depleted after the event.  But the next day I am just as excited for the next adventure as I was for the last one.  

I do what I do, and I wear what I wear because, well, I have to.  I can’t ignore, deny, or repress this side of me.  I must acknowledge and accept and embrace who I am.  To do anything less would chip away at my soul (wow, that sounds dramatic but it’s true).  But I do what I do, and wear what I wear because I absolutely love this world, this beautiful world of delicate lingerie, skyscraper stilettos, beautiful gowns, and flawless makeup.  I love who I am and I love who you are too.  

Love, Hannah