I recently received an email from Carla, a beautiful t-girl from Spain. She and a friend recently started a podcast that you may be interested in. It’s called ‘Pink Fog-Trans in Spain’ and is available on Spotify. I asked Carla to introduce herself and she has been kind enough to write a little about herself and share some photos of her. I hope you enjoy her podcast!
Hi everyone, my name is Carla.
How do I pack a lifetime into a short profile? I’m so happy to share my life experience on this wonderful site, so thank you to Hannah for giving me this opportunity.
Like everyone else, I have been cross dressing all my life. For most of it I just thought everyone did it, yet couldn’t explain why no one else I ever knew, spoke about it. So, I didn’t either.
In 2015 I was medically retired from the job I loved in the UK. I had been diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety disorder back in 2005 and eventually I broke. I lost more than half my income and together with my wonderful wife we decided to make a new life in Spain, where we wouldn’t need as much to live on. I was only 53.
Up until then, I had lived with at least one of my children and being able to dress as my real feminine self was very difficult. In Spain, it became much easier and I soon began to experiment. I didn’t have my own clothes and wore my wife’s clothes which proved difficult as she was a lot slimmer than me. There were some clothes that I was able to ‘borrow’ and when she was at work, I would help myself. I hated using her clothes and it seemed like I was intruding. I felt guilty doing so but carried on because I had to.
I realized it wasn’t all men ‘dabbling’ and there was something deeper going on and in 2016 I registered with the website ‘Crossdresser Heaven’. I found that I wasn’t the only one going through this dysphoria but still I hid myself away.
In June 2020, with Spain coming out of the world’s more severe lockdowns, I decided to confess all to my wife. I planned the speech for a few weeks and when I told her, a great weight lifted, or so I thought.
The actual coming out was the easy part and ‘dressing’ was to be negotiated and my feelings went from zero to one hundred very quickly. She showed me how to apply makeup and went shopping with me, even buying me clothes without me being there to choose them.
I fast forward to October 2021 and life is good. I found a Trans friend a year ago in a nearby town, in almost the same situation as me. Our wives support each other, and we go out as a four, both as married couple and as four girls. I went out for the first time in April this year and got fitted for a wig before having an ice cream on the sea front and a glass of wine in a local bar.
Buying clothes is difficult, at least at first it was. Online is great but sizing is an issue. Shoes are particularly difficult due to my wide feet. Now that I can go shopping as Carla, it’s much easier, so I try to shop most when I’m my real self. Cheaper clothes were the starting point and I’m hoping to update my wardrobe to something more in the future. Some of the women profiled on this site look incredible and are role models for me.
Since then, I go out every week and dress at home of a weekend. We have a business, so my wife wants to keep Carla separate from that. Carla gets into a car and drives off and that’s when she comes alive. In September, we went to Benidorm for Pride weekend. Not one piece of male clothing was taken and to spend four days and three nights as Carla was mind blowing.
The depression has mainly gone, although life in Spain helped in some way. I feel so complete when I am my true self and coming out to my close family has helped that. My three sons are completely supportive, in fact more than that, they are incredible young men. I have counseling, which helps as I struggle to see where my journey will end up. My counselor suggested I set up a podcast, which I discounted at first but have now published ‘Pink Fog – Trans in Spain’.
With the incredible support from my wonderful wife, I feel complete. I can’t remember the last time I felt this happy, if ever. What the future holds, it’s hard to predict. I’m approaching 60 and able at least in some part, to be the real person I was born to be. I’m still only ‘out’ to close family and selected friends and long for the day I don’t have to hide myself away.
I’ve finally found myself. I write poetry a lot, influenced by my experiences and I’m a qualified hypnotherapist, and can help people on their Trans journey. I find the profiles of different people on this site so uplifting and since I first discovered Hannah, and this wonderful site, my life has moved on another stage. We all learn from each other and I find the experiences of other ‘girls’ fascinating. I hope you enjoy my podcast and feel free to contact me. Like others reading this, I have found myself and hope you all do to.
Love Carla x