Ask Hannah!

I am a member of the website The other day one of the girls posted that her wife was asking her about drag queens vs. crossdressers. I’ve read in numerous places authors saying that “drag queens are an affront to women” Drag queens are way overboard in everything they do. Hair makeup and dress. No cis girl would make themselves up that way.

Anyways I made that comment and I have taken a beating from other girls on the forum. I made the facts known that 90% of drag queens are gay men and that flip side most cross dressers are hetero. I know that there are exceptions as I have a friend that is gay and when he dresses for drag shows he dresses very contemporary. Just curious as to how you feel on the subject?

I am not a drag queen so I have to be clear that I can’t comment with any sort of authority on drag.

But since you asked…

I think there is a certain element of social commentary on (some) drag. I think exaggeration IS the point in some presentations. Extreme makeup and 7 inch platform heels are not something you see a lot of people wearing… but much of drag is about performance. Being a spectacle.

I don’t think drag artists are trying to communicate a message of “this is what women look like/should look like.” If there is a message when it comes to drag, I think it’s a social commentary relating to ridiculing what society THINKS women SHOULD look like… in a very extreme, satirical way.

But I also think drag is meant to be fun. I don’t think drag is an affront to cis women, but perhaps this question should be posed to cis women.

I personally don’t think drag is supposed to REPRESENT cis women, and I don’t think drag is supposed to REPRESENT trans women either.

I am trans, but not a drag queen, but I think drag DOES fall under the transgender umbrella. It’s an odd Venn diagram.

When most people think of drag, this is the image that they think of:

This is Trixie Mattel, and she looks amazing. Like a lot of drag artists, Trixie is a persona, a character. She is a performer, an artist. To your point, most cis girls don’t look like Trixie, but I don’t think most PEOPLE, regardless of gender, look like her.

But that might be the point. To stand out. Standing out and performing has gone hand in hand since forever. Whether it’s David Bowie or Katy Perry or Lady Gaga or Madonna or Boy George or countless others that have strutted across any type of stage.

Farrah Moan is also a drag artist.

Farrah’s makeup is more dramatic than the makeup most women wear at the mall, but in my opinion her look is more “real world” than Trixie’s. I am not throwing shade at anyone, but I think both queens are going for a different look.

I think both Trixie and Farrah both show different aspects of drag. There’s the EXTREME, obviously traditional drag look that Trixie rocks, but there’s also the EXTREME feminine look that Farah has.

And my God, I would love to look half as good as Farrah does.

Are most drag queens gay? Maybe? In my experience every drag queen I have met (when the subject of sexuality has come up) is gay (or at least in a relationship with someone who identifies as the same gender as they do) but I haven’t met every drag queen in the world.

Are most crossdressers straight? Sure, I guess? Like gender, I don’t think sexuality is as binary as most people assume it is. I am bi-gender, so I am at any given moment, male OR female. Sometimes I am one, sometimes I am the other. I prefer to think of my gender in terms of presentation. Yesterday I was a boy all day IF I base my gender identity on what I am wearing. In a few days I am going to be a girl since I will be en femme.

If sexuality is based on current and previous relationship status, then yes, I am straight. I am married to a wonderful woman and all of my romantic partners have been women. So, based on my history, I am straight.

This is not to say that I am not straight or anything. I have never felt any sort of attraction to a man. What I am saying is that I never spent time wondering about my sexuality. Like my gender identity, I am rarely comfortable when it comes to aligning myself in any sort of definitive or absolute way. I tend to vote Democratic but I am not a Democrat. To most of the world I present as male, but I don’t limit myself to just one gender identity.

Again, are most crossdressers straight? I don’t know. When I talk to or exchange emails with men who identify as a crossdresser and marriage is discussed, almost every single one of them says they are married to a woman. So, if sexuality is based on who one is married to or who they are in a relationship with, then yes, I suppose most crossdressers are “straight”. But in a more accurate, specific way, I would say that in my experience, most crossdressers are in a heterosexual relationship.

Of course, I also get emails from crossdressers who tell me they are 1000000000% straight but they sometimes fantasize about having sex with men when they are crossdressed. Guess what? Wearing lingerie did NOT change your sexual identity.

I think there is too much emphasis on committing to a sexual identity. I don’t think ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ or ‘bi’ are that important. I do like ‘queer’, however. It’s vague and inclusive for gender and sexuality. I also don’t think there is a connection between gender and sexual identity. What I wear has absolutely nothing to do with who I am attracted to. Wear what you want, present how you please, sleep with whoever you wish (if it’s consensual), love who you love.

Love, Hannah

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2 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!

  1. Thank you for this post Hannah.

    To add to the statistics, I am happily married, and have been for a long time and fill in all those many surveys in life as being heterosexual. But beneath the surface and to a male confidante with which there is deep level of intimacy, I declare myself as bi-curious. Even he doesn’t know I am a crossdresser – or since the pandemic struck – was a crossdresser.

    I suppose, just because I can’t, it doesn’t mean to say that I am not a crossdresser per se!

    (Just for the record, I know a former drag queen and is gay! – Just saying!)

    I have always had an open mind, particularly relating to sex, and have come to the conclusion that anything consensual between parties, irrespective of gender is perfectly fine – sex is a form of pleasure – to be enjoyed, but then again, not to the extents of being unfaithful – I’m NOT OK with that.

    But to get back to your blog entry, you’re right – there IS too much labelling going off these days, people keep to pigeonhole others in their own, often uneducated and sometimes arguably ignorant view point. I take great issue with it (having to keep a lid on the extent of my response), particularly when (closeted as I am), people in the household seek to comment – when I don’t feel it is necessarily – whether they think or conclude that someone on TV is of a particular orientation with an element of a slanted sneer at the same time on some occasions.

    Why do they feel the need to point it out? Why does it matter? Let people be!


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