God Bless the Wing Girls

According to the Urban Dictionary, a wing man is a friend that you can bring to a bar or party in order to find women more easily.

This past weekend at Pride I met a few wing girls. They didn’t visit the MN T-Girls booth with the intention of romance, though. But they all had similar stories.

I have a friend who is just now accepting that they are trans and she needs to meet others like her.

These girls are not much different than a wing man. Their goal is not to help their friend hook up, though. They are helping them find support and friends.

So we chat about the group and how our mission is to be a social and support group for other transfeminine people. Sometimes the wing girl was just scouting out different booths on behalf of her friend. Sometimes she would wave her friend over who was watching shyly further away.

Girls like us need girls like us.

But I think girls like us need cis friends, too.

Besides my brother, I’ve only come out directly to cis women. I say directly because when I came out to my siblings they in turn shared my revelation with their husbands. I knew that would likely happen and I suppose I could have asked them not to out me but from my perspective if I trusted them with my gender identity then I could also trust them to treat the information as confidential.

Aaand as far as I know they have.

My point is that, for the most part (and certainly not in all cases), cis women understand (as much as they can) us.

Buuut perhaps understanding isn’t the right word. Perhaps being able to relate is more appropriate. Many cis women can relate to wanting to look cute, wanting to feel beautiful. Being drawn to a pair of shoes.

Of course, this makes women sound very shallow and superficial and I don’t mean that at all. I mean, I have guy friends who are absolute fanatics about the newest Air Jordans or whatever and sleep outside of shoe stores so they can buy them on the first day.

Sometimes my wife playfully teases me and doesn’t understand why I choose to wear a bra and high heels when I don’t have to. Expectations and standards for men tend to be very low. Society, by and large, expects women to wear certain clothes and shoes and to present themselves in a certain way.

Don’t believe me? Look at the dress code standards that some corporations have for their employees and review the differences between men and women office attire. Of course, this has evolved and gotten more progressive over the years but not by much.

My sisters don’t really “get” this side of me (and that’s fine) but they can nod their head in agreement when we discuss how expensive foundation can be. Again, they don’t understand me, but they can relate to me.

I love talking to my t-girl friends for a lot of reasons, and one of the biggest reasons is that I don’t have to explain every nuance of who I am and why I wear what I choose to. They get it. I get them.

We accept each other unconditionally. Our conversations go beyond the whys and get right to the important stuff (like dresses and makeup, lol).

I love compliments by other t-girls because they can relate to how much work presenting en femme can be. And I love compliments from cis girls. Although they may not be able to specifically relate to how much work can go into contouring a traditionally masculine face to a face that appears to be more feminine, many can relate to just how much effort goes into looking like how one wishes to present.

So, to the cis girls out there who are looking for ways to support their new girlfriend, thank you.

Love, Hannah

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