A Bigger World

I swing madly back and forth between wanting to never leave my house and wanting to change the entire world.

I go between feeling hopeless to being inspired to start a revolution.

I want to give up and then five minutes later I want to keep fighting.

It’s easy to understand why I feel defeated and hopeless. According to the Human Rights Campaign, more than 300 anti-LGBTQ+ bills have been proposed in 2022.

From my perspective, these laws are pushed by people who hate and/or don’t understand people in the LGBTQ+ community. People supporting these laws are those who have already made up their minds about people like me and people like you. I am not the smartest cookie in the kitchen but I do know that once someone makes up their mind about something it is very unlikely they will change it.

Changes in law and legislation comes from activism. It comes from demonstration. It comes from a place that, at it’s roots, is very small and very patient. It needs to build. It needs a leader.

I would like to be a leader. I would like to be a part of protecting who we are. Sometimes I get so frustrated and angry and hurt by a proposed law that I want to organize a demonstration, a march, a… SOMETHING to show lawmakers and the world that trans people are valid and we are human and we should have the same rights as anyone else, whether it is access to medical care or protection against discrimination.

Buuuut I am not that person.

I don’t think I have the demeanor for that. I don’t think I have the skill set or even the time for what something like that requires and demands. I know this sounds is selfish.

I feel frustrated because something needs to be done. I feel reassured (a little) when I see others taking up these causes. I feel less anxious when I see a peaceful demonstration of people, trans and cis, showing the world support.

I do think that if you can make the world a better place then you should try to. And on some level we ALL can make the world a better place. This could be something small like volunteering for a charity or cleaning up litter at a park.

Trans people are often accidental activists. We kinda HAVE to be. If we want a peaceful and quiet life where we can present how we please and live our lives we also have to do the big, hard things that are necessary to protect that. You may have zero interest in politics but you must be aware of what is at stake when it comes to who is in congress.

I know I CAN do more. I know I SHOULD. But I am often paralyzed by not knowing WHAT to do.

…but maybe I am doing SOMETHING.

At the last MN T-Girls event, I looked around the table at the different girls there, girls who have known each other from years of outings and girls meeting each other for the first time, chatting about shoes and family and work and everything else.

A little community… even if it’s just for a couple of hours.

I know I come off as conceited and very INTO myself (the zillions of pictures of myself more or less backs this up) but I don’t see myself as doing much GOOD in this world.

But again, maybe I AM doing something.

The world and the trans community needs every one of us. Some of us can lead a revolution, some of us can bring a dozen t-girls together each month for coffee or shopping or any of the other things the MN T-Girls do.

The goal of the group was to bring femme presenting trans people together to help with experiencing the “real world” and by doing that showing everybody that trans people exist and we are just as valid and normal as everyone else. Most of us are just a hell of a lot taller than everyone else, lol.

If I remember these objectives then I think the group IS successful. I think the group has changed lives (for the better). I hope the group has quietly shifted the heart and mind of at least one person out there who now sees that we are not a threat or perverts.

I mean, that’s how change happens, remember? From small, patient starts. I mean, that’s how WE start. From those small, timid steps in kitten heels in the privacy of our living rooms to strutting in stilettos at the mall.

The world needs leaders who can do the big things that create change… but maybe the world also needs leaders who can organize these small, quiet gatherings every few weeks. This is my place in a bigger world.

Maybe I am doing something.

Love, Hannah

12 thoughts on “A Bigger World

  1. You are doing something. You inspire me. By nature I am I shy person. I know I will never be as pretty as you.

    But because of you, I have learned to experience the world as the real me. I know go anywhere. I dont live full time but I know go to the salon, grocery shopping, even to the doctor as Jodi.

    None of this would have occurred without your blog. You have changed at least one person’s life and I will forever be greatful.

    Thank you,


    Liked by 1 person

  2. “From my perspective, these laws are pushed by people who hate and/or don’t understand people in the LGBTQ+ community.”
    I think it stems from fear which comes from ignorance. What are they afraid of? I don’t know. Silly things, I think. Maybe it also stems from a kind of envy. Why, for example, would there be anti-semitism?

    I believe that the more that cis/straight people get to know us and become friends with us the more that those fears will dissipate. It just takes such a long time. Look at racism. Shoot, it wasn’t so long ago that Emett Till was murdered. I have a 60 year old Black friend who well remembers fearing for his life when as a young boy he walked several feet on a wealthy white man’s lawn.

    I think there’s also fears of losing power and control. Why misogyny?

    Hannah, you do a lot of good in this world through being out and about. Sure, you have one foot in the closet but you have many valid reasons for that. We do what we can, and you do it.

    Five years ago when I started my transition I was truly terrified. About two years ago I was on HRC’s steering committee here in Seattle. That was scary—most of HRC’s members are LGB, very few T’s. I left them after less than a year because I just didn’t feel at home with them. Very recently I was elected Board Chair of TransFamilies. It’s a fair amount of work but it’s certainly for a good cause and these days we have such urgency to expand on our mission.

    I never in a million years thought I’d be where I am today. Like you, I had a career, home, wife/family, all that which is so scary to contemplate losing. I admire that you do what you do and can.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Emma – we have come a long way. I am old enough to remember London UK days when 2 guys could not even hold hands together – or if a guy was found he was arrested – and his name – what he was wearing etc would be all over the national newspapers.
      Today there is so much news about Transgender community – good and bad – I am wondering if they all mean males and females who wish to change sex permanently. I am wondering if the media includes CD people in this Trans community ? The VAST majority of this community are I believe cross dressers as a % of the Trans communbity – wondering how others think / believe this. In all media – I never hear the words cross dressers.
      However I do believe most people today accept our lifestyles.


      1. Thank you, Deborah. I don’t know but can readily imagine that many trans people — especially those older than… 40? — are crossdressers. The point is that it doesn’t matter. We all have, I guess, different levels of gender dysphoria and hey, if crossdressing helps you who am or anyone to deny you your validity?

        “However I do believe most people today accept our lifestyles.” The word lifestyles makes the hairs on my neck stand up. We are not living a lifestyle. We are living — or trying to live — our authenticity. Cis people may not comprehend gender dysphoria. Fine, but that doesn’t negate it.

        We’re not provided a choice. We are what we are, simple as that.


      2. Emma,

        Definitely agreeing with your reply to Deborah. I was “just a crossdresser” for much of my life. Until I HAD to do something about it. I tried in about 2004, but got caught in gatekeeping. 2016 was more successful, but due to other things in life, I didn’t start all of my transition until 2021, when I was over 60. I had even been invited to a group in the 1980’s – “New Men, New Women of Minnesota”. Oh how my heart wanted to go but my brain steadfastly said “No!”. I suspect that there are a lot of us that couldn’t, or wouldn’t, admit that we needed to transition. Some may never admit it, and there are probably a lot more that admit it but can’t see a way to actually do it. Society has changed a lot since we were young and in our formative years. That upbringing is hard to overcome, at least in my experience. But I am so glad that I did. And I am so glad that today’s youth are much more able to be themselves at an early age.

        And Yes!, it is not a lifestyle, nor is it a choice. I also hear a lot of “You are so brave.”. I’m not brave, it’s just a mix of necessity and determination.


  3. You help us because many times we think we are alone. Getting together helps know that we are part of a growing community of wonderful women inside and out.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hannah, you’re doing a lot more than you think. There’s a reason why I was so excited to finally meet you… you’ve been a role model and hero to me! You provide a tremendous resource with this blog, and you help other ladies find a sense of belonging through things like the MN-TGirls. Thats HUGE!

    Remember, you can’t be all things to all people… running this blog and coordinating the T-Girls may be your strong point. I know I couldn’t do those things (I’m a terrible event planner, and I don’t have the persistence to maintain a blog like yours), but there are things I can do (push for the inclusion of trans voices into decision making at my job, for example). It’s when we, as a whole, contribute each of our talents to society, that society gets better.

    I’m so thankful for what you do for our community ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am straight up heterosexual – but I can relate. Where I live EVERYTHING is run by (supposedly?) straight, middle aged, Anglo, white men (typically hockey players, farmers, and/or University of Saskatchewan educated). They are threatened by anyone and everyone who is not one of them – so they belittle them, undermine them, do everything possible to make life miserable for them. I don’t know what you can do to change them or their insecurities or the damage they try to inflict. Just do not let them try to change you or in any way make you feel inferior because you are not who or what they are. (I don’t think they even want to be who or what they are. 😞) 💞


  6. We all do what we can, when we can, as we can. Like others, I believe that you are doing good things for the community. I don’t think I could plan the events like you. I _know_ I couldn’t write a blog like you.

    What I am doing, and what I can do, has changed over the years. Being full-time now, I’m showing the world that we’re just other humans on this planet. Shopping, eating, going to events. I’m out in the world whenever I step out the door.

    With a wonderfully supportive employer I’ve been part of several events within the company, and with other companies, going over what it’s like to be trans. And I’ve had opportunities to represent the company, just as an employee, not a trans employee, at some very public events. At our “Court of Dreams” as part of the celebration of the 50th anniversary of Title IX in April, and just this last weekend at our Science Dome at the 3M Open PGA Championship. Both were wonderful experiences, from the support of the company and my co-workers to the reception from the public. It’s what I can do, and I hope that it, too, is making a positive change in the world relative to the trans community.


  7. I happened to notice that “Mississippi Burning” is on Amazon Prime (leaving 7/31) and although I’ve seen it before I started watching it again.

    There are so many parallels between how Blacks were treated (and murdered) in 1964 and how trans people are discriminated against and how cis people talk about us, gays, lesbians, Jews, Muslim, and others.

    “There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.” — Elie Wiesel


  8. Good morning everyone – this is how I feel – we ALL are ” activists ” for our CD / TG acceptance cause every time we go out in public as a feamle. So long as we look and act like a lady – others get to see us as just another person in our society. I think I am different – from my many nightclub days – I saw everything – guys dressed in unacceptable female clothes – like being dressed as females – but still with a beard – or guys with outragious make up dressed in French Maids costumes – things like this. No one wants to see a ” drag queen ” look in a public place – especially if there are children around. Thes people do more harm to our acceptance cause than people like ourselves.
    Not everyone can look realistic as a female – but so long as we dress and act as ladies – we are promoting our lifestyle every time we go outside into society.
    For myself – I always tried to blend into society – doing my best to not draw attention to myself – just go about my business like any other female.
    I also fully support most of the Transgender / LGBT etc causes – but again in my opinion – people like this male to female Leah swimmer competing against real females and winning all kinds of swimming records is totally wrong. Also thess drag queens being allowed to read books and do shows in schools with young children being iinfluenced to change their gender is wrong. Especially when media like Fox / Tucker Carlson make jokes of these situations.
    Just my opinion – but this is America – everyone has choices and the freedom to be themselves – but hopefully we do not harm others who take our gender preferences seriously.
    So – WE are ALL ” ACTIVISTS ” – I believe the final frontier of discrimination – and when we can go out anywhere / anyplace dressed in female clothes – we further our cause every time WE do this.
    I used to own the domaine – http://www.translivesmatter.com – but never persued it – was a little concerned about the consequences – and impact to my family if ever my ownership would be discovered.
    I am proud of people like Hannah and Renee Reves and many others – who inspire me to do all I can to make “all Trans Lives Matter”.


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