Hannah, you always say that you keep your two sides separate – he stays in his lane, Hannah stays in hers. But obviously, that’s not 100%, right? I mean, you wear panties, like you mention in today’s post about pink Wednesdays, even though it’s a HIM day. And you keep your body shaved all the time, I think I’ve read. Maybe there are a few other things, too … nails? eyebrows? possibly a bra or bralette on a work day? or stockings under the boring socks? You’ve said that you lost a lot of weight, which will have given you a more slim figure, but maybe the corsets have trained that figure in a more feminine way, as well?
Other bits of Hannah might also be transferring over to the other side. Being feminine, after all, is more than wearing a dress and shaving your legs, there are behavioral aspects, as well. How you sit, how you walk, the expression on your face, and even more subtle things like whether you interrupt other people when they’re speaking, and how you present ideas in a meeting.
So my question for you is, if all those things are going on, even when Hannah isn’t present, is that something that others have noticed at all? Perhaps on a subconscious level? Certainly it’s possible that people could notice changes, without ever putting two and two together to figure out that he is a crossdresser, but even so it seems like you might get some kind of reaction.
And if so, is that a positive or a negative? I’ve heard of CD’s who modified their behavior, for example, maybe even without intending to, but with the result that they get along better with people, including their wives, and sometimes find that they are better at doing the things that their male self might have struggled with.
I know I’m a nosy parker for asking all this, but after all, you DO have an “Ask Hannah” invitation hung out there.
Our life/lives are very nuanced and strange but they make complete sense to us.
Endless questions when we come out. Why? How? When? Hannah is WHO I am, but not who I always be. This makes little sense to many others. We are often perceived as contradictory but we comfortable with this seemingly teetering balance.
If we, as non cis-people, are looked at a little closer as individuals, these contradictions and exceptions to absolutes begin to subtly glow between cracks.
When I say I keep both of my gender identities separate with no overlap it makes sense to me. AND when it’s pointed out that this isn’t exactly correct like in this question, well, that’s true from a certain perspective.
It’s absolutely true that some attributes, whether physical or otherwise, manifest themselves in HIS life and HIS appearance.
Some of the physical differences are welcome in both of my gender presentations, however. Hannah has nicely arched and shaped eyebrows. The majority of masculine presenting people have (or would prefer to have) thicker, bushier eyebrows. Unattended, my eyebrows grow wild and curly. I’ve always been self-conscious of these fuzzy caterpillars that rest below my forehead. Groomed eyebrows do contribute to a more traditional femme appearance when I am presenting as Hannah and yes, these are HIS eyebrows as well. But I actually like HER eyebrows on HIS face.
Generally speaking, I wouldn’t do anything for HER that HE would be uncomfortable with having.
I keep my body smooth and hairless for Hannah obviously but I actually HATE body hair. Left to its own devices, like my eyebrows, my body hair is thick and, well, EVERYWHERE.
Of course, when I started in shaping my eyebrows and shaving my legs (and everywhere I could reach) I was nervous about someone noticing and, well, making the connection. After over ten years of shaving I’ve never had anyone comment or “figure it out”. I’m sure it’s been noticed but since no one has said anything either people don’t CARE or they know it’s none of their business why I don’t have hairy legs.
Of course, in my male life I am known for being active in running and cycling so that connection might also exist for some.
Ultimately I don’t care if someone sees my hairless arms. It’s unlikely (based on my experiences) anyone will say anything and sure, they could be thinking a LOT of things and wondering MANY things because of this but unless someone comes up to me and tells me what they are thinking I won’t ever know. And really, I don’t care. If I am ever asked I suppose my response would be that I just don’t like body hair and leave it at that. If follow up questions persist then I think I would be a LOT bitchier.
We are paranoid and protective of our secrets. We are, and rightfully so, fearful that someone will figure out who we are based on one little clue or evidence. However, I don’t think people will likely think “hey that guy has shaved legs I BET they are a crossdresser.”
If anything, my appearance might make sense in retrospect. If I were to come out to someone they might ask if that’s why I shave my legs but I don’t think many people will jump to that conclusion.
There are also behavioral traits. In your example, how I sit. Hannah has better posture (a corset helps) and sits cross-legged. HE would benefit from her posture while sitting but he hasn’t picked up on that yet, lol. HE does cross his legs while sitting on occasion but I don’t think that has much to do with my gender identity. I noticed that HE started doing this when I lost a lot of weight for some reason. SHE and HE both walk differently. He rushes from one space to another. Hannah takes her time (usually heels require that). Hannah holds her head up (sometimes to be more aware of the people in her surroundings) while he keeps his head down or looks straightforward. Essentially I don’t feel there are a lot of similarities between he and she when it comes to walking or anything like that.
And we BOTH have a bad habit of interrupting people but Hannah is getting better at this than HE is.
It’s also true that in male mode I am wearing panties or working from home in leggings or sleeping in a nightie. I am wearing femme clothes while presenting as masculine. HE wears femme clothes because HE is a crossdresser.
I am sure I could create a gender Venn diagram that shows a separation AND an overlap of my crossdressing AND my gender identity.
If I were to oversimplify who I am I would say HE wears feminine clothes, lingerie, leggings because HE, well, who knows why. But presenting as feminine (makeup and wig and name and pronouns) is because this appearance is a reflection of one of my gender identities. When I am wearing a nightgown I don’t think of myself as Hannah. I am HIM in a nightgown.
There are many crossdressers that wear femme clothes but it’s not tied into their gender identity. They are dudes who like panties. There are also many that identify as trans but NEVER wear femme clothes in male mode.
Again, we are complicated but I think we all make sense to ourselves.
I have lost weight and yes, I suppose a slimmer figure might be associated with a more femme appearance. I do wear a corset in girl mode but I don’t think I wear it enough to reshape my body after I take it off.
When it comes to non-physical traits, there are some things that HE has adopted from HER. In the early days my wife and I would have girl nights and we would talk and drink wine. I would feel more vulnerable and more open and I would talk more about my feelings more. It felt… safer somehow.
This has led to HIM sharing his thoughts and emotions more. Opening up was and is incredibly freeing. It’s nice to not keep things inside… whether it’s related to identity or being able to communicate with coworkers and other people in your life.
Likewise, Hannah has always been more patient, more thoughtful, and kinder. These are GOOD things. I would like to be these things. HE has learned to adopt these characteristics into his world. HE is a better person for it. These are things that help in his everyday life, both personal and professional. As you said, presenting ideas in a meeting. By being more thoughtful and careful with my words I feel I’ve become more effective in what I am expressing, Hannah’s patience and kindness has led to HIM listening more and being more empathetic.
I feel being more empathetic, kinder, patient, and honest as been enormously beneficial in all aspects of my life, in both of my genders. I am grateful that SHE has taught me these things.
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!