I don’t like calling people out when they comment on a post, so please understand that this is not meant to shame or, well, correct anyone.
I mean, sometimes I do want to call someone out but only when they say something completely unhinged or offensive.
When I disagree with something that is said, I can usually see their point or at least understand a little where they are coming from.
Fetishization and sexualization of transwomen happen. It has always happened and will probably continue unabated. A lot of physical attributes are fetishized, whether it is a girl with red hair or a girl with a penis. Some people are very into very specific things. Oftentimes these interests can influence one’s perception of all people with those same physical characteristics. What I mean is that a transgender woman can often be perceived as, well, whatever narrative that person wants, whether that perception is sexual or meant to further a political agenda. If someone hates transwomen and wants others to join in their hate, then they will demonize her. We see this happens all the time. This fear-mongering works often enough for it for people to keep trying it. We see this with so-called “bathroom bills” and with transgender athletes being banned from everything from high school sports to the Olympics. The tactic is usually ALL TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE SCARY AND WILL HURT YOU.
Of course, this isn’t true.
On another part of the spectrum is ALL TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE SEXUAL OBJECTS. We are a fetish for some and it’s not uncommon for some men to assume that, well, ALL TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE SEXUAL OBJECTS. The idea that a woman, whether she is transgender or cisgender) is just living her life and isn’t existing to please men is baffling to some guys. This personal opinion is enforced by my experience of getting emails and messages from men who constantly attempt to engage in sexually explicit conversations and seem genuinely confused that I don’t want to discuss their fantasies.
Where does this perception come from? Are women to blame?
Of course not.
But this leads back to the comment that got me thinking about this. The comment was for a post that focused on what you probably shouldn’t say to a t-girl. The comment was Since most people, esp. men don’t see us as typical men or women and I guess the only time most guys have seen Trans. women is on the internet …I guess some blame can go towards some Trans girls…
I do agree that it’s likely that most men have only seen transwomen (as far as they know) on the internet and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was in an adult video. It’s the last sentence here that I disagree with. We are not to blame if men form their opinion about us based on what they see on the internet. Yes, some transwomen do post adult and spicy content. I am not innocent of this as I also post photos that are pretty risque. But women are allowed to post whatever they want, wearing whatever they want. Although I have a pretty low opinion of men (sorry boys) I do think that men can absolutely control themselves. The argument of “I can’t help getting hard when you post sexy pictures” is complete bullshit. While you may not be able to mitigate what arouses you, you sure as hell can control what you say. Men are CHOOSING to write the messages and comments that they write. Men absolutely know what is appropriate and suggesting that they are helpless in their reaction is just victim blaming.
It’s not *that* different from men thinking that what a girl is wearing is “asking for it”.
Again, I am not calling out the commenter and I think I get where they are coming from. I mean, it’s not unheard of transwomen turning to sex work for an income, especially when they are discriminated against when it comes to securing traditional employment. All of us need to eat, afterall. I don’t feel there’s anything shameful or wrong if someone chooses to be a sex worker. There are more shameful things to be, in my opinion.
Men should know that just because some girls make erotic content it doesn’t mean that ALL women want that kind of attention. Men have women in their lives, whether it’s their mother, sisters, girlfriend, wife, daughter, friend, niece, or colleague. They probably don’t think that all women in their lives are the same as the women in adult videos. The fantasy in adult entertainment clouds their perceptions and distorts how they think of women. I know girls who make adult content and when they are not on camera they are doing normal things. When the video stops, they peel off their latex catsuit and go to their part-time job and think about what they will do for dinner. Normal, everyday stuff because they are normal, everyday people. They leave the fantasyland and slide back into the real world.
Women are not to blame for how men think of us. It’s men who have this mindset. Men are (or should be) smart enough to know that women are people and aren’t here to please them.
Again, this is not meant to call out the commenter. Rather this is a reminder for men to stop thinking with your little head.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 