Or! If you live across the pond, let’s talk about trousers.
I am forever a dress and skirt girl. I do wear leggings in boy mode and I’ve modeled, ah, non-pants for En Femme.
Truth be told, I admire my t-girl sisters who wear pants and jeans. In a way, I feel they are more confident and secure in their femininity than I am, even if I am wearing a bright floral dress.
I feel that femininity is rooted to how you feel and not exclusively about your clothes. I think what we wear is connected to, well, what we are trying to accomplish, in some ways.
Not that there’s always an objective, mind you.
When I choose my outfit for the day, I base my decision completely on what I want to wear AND where I will be going. I might WANT to wear a tight black leather dress BUT if I am simply running errands I will PROBABLY choose something else. Instead I will consider what won’t look tooooo out of place with where I’ll be.
Please note that this isn’t trying to blend in. I am not trying to do that. And! This isn’t the same thing as trying to stand out. If I wanted to stand out then I would absolutely wear a tight black leather dress at the grocery store.
I’ll wear heels (obviously) and a cute dress that is probably too short. I’ll likely be overdressed for the mall compared to most girls, but this isn’t the same thing as being completely out of place.
I think I could blend in better than I do. I mean, I don’t blend in at all because I am usually overdressed, but I could choose an outfit that would help with minimizing my physical presence. What I mean is that I am a six foot tall transgirl. Tall people, especially tall feminine presenting people tend to be noticed. Transwomen that are “clocked” also tend to stand out. Considering I am both I would have to try very hard to blend in.
Please remember something. Standing out is not the same thing as being so beautiful that everyone notices you. I don’t think me standing out has anything to do with whether or not anyone thinks I am pretty.
If I needed to blend in, I would absolutely ditch the heels and colorful dress. I have femme jeans but like my leggings, I wear them in boy mode.
If clothes and makeup and shoes are a big part of who I am (and they are) then I really want to, well, give in to that. I have to wear pants and look unassuming in my male life so when I have a chance to take a little time off from the masculine parts of my life (whether physical appearance or the the responsibilities HE has), then I want to wear what I want, and toss any thought of blending in to the wind.
When I am wearing a dress and stilettos and winged eyeliner I feel very femme.
Please remember another thing. These things are absolutely not necessary to be femme. These things help me FEEL femme. Everyone has their own perspective on what helps them feel femme… which is kind of the point of this post.
I talk to a lot of t-girls about a lot of things and one thing we usually chat about is, well, clothes. Not to say we are shallow but these conversations are often about where one bought their skirt, for example. Sometimes we talk about why we selected the outfit we did. Sometimes it’s because the outfit was perfect for the occasion or for the day, but often the reason is the outfit is very connected to how someone feels or wants to feel.
Again, sometimes the outfit has a goal. It’s meant to accomplish something.
And sometimes that goal is to blend in.
I mentioned before that a girl wearing a dress and heels is usually overdressed if they are running errands. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. You can’t really be overdressed. What I mean is that not a lot of people are shopping for groceries in stilettos and a bodycon dress.
I mean, I’ve picked up a few groceries in stilettos and a bodycon dress. But if the goal was to blend in at the supermarket I would absolutely choose a different outfit.
Blending in helps some of us feel more feminine. They’re dressed like most of the other girls at the mall, the store, the office, the restaurant, or wherever their day takes them. The are wearing what most women are wearing. Their clothes, although are likely very cute and flattering, aren’t contributing to them standing out.
They are secure and confident in their femininity and don’t necessarily feel that you need to wear strappy heels or a pencil skirt to be femme. Their body language and their confidence is all they need.
And honestly? That’s admirable. I feel femme when I am dressed up but I know a lot of how I feel is because of the very traditional feminine clothes I am wearing. The pink dress and matching heels are my armor.
Clothes have a lot to do with how I feel. When I do wear, well, anything other than a skirt or a dress for a photo shoot I am surprised by how… feminine I still feel. I think a lot has to do with how different femme slacks feel compared to boy pants, but I also couldn’t help thinking that this is how most women dress each day. I still felt connected to my femme side… it was just in a very different way than I had felt before. It was completely and happily unexpected.
Even when I was growing up I couldn’t understand why on earth a girl would choose to wear pants when they could wear a skirt. As the years went by I started to get it. If I was full-time I feel pretty sure that there would be days when I would absolutely opt for pants or jeans or leggings. Time and experience shaped my thinking and perspective.
But these days my perspective is influenced by how they can still help someone feel femme… whether it’s because they are blending in or, to be honest, it’s how they want to dress, dammit. It’s our choices to wear what we please, no matter what it is, that is freeing. The confidence that we can present how we feel is the strongest confidence we can have… whether it’s a dress or pants or anything else.