It’s Fun to Lose and to Pretend, She’s Over-Bored and Self-Assured

One thing I like about photo shoots is wearing an outfit that is pure fantasy. It could be a sissy dress or lingerie or, well, essentially anything that I wouldn’t wear running errands. I like strutting out of my comfort zone even if I am scared to death.

Clothes can send a message. An outfit can project confidence, it can be reflective of one’s personality or character.

Or clothes can be a costume. They can simply fun to wear without them MEANING anything.

Sometimes I will tweet a picture of me wearing a very sweet pink dress. That will usually trigger emails and messages from men who are, ah, attracted to the idea of… um, the dumb sissy bimbo girl.

And for girls who enjoy that fantasy, please know I am not kink-shaming anyone.

When I get messages from men who respond to pictures like that, they are usually telling (not asking) me I should be their little sex slave or whatever.

First of all, no.

Second of all, a photo or an outfit is not necessarily representative of intention or desire. Regardless of what a girl is wearing, there always needs to be consent. You might THINK or WISH or HOPE I am playing as a dumb sissy bimbo girl but you sure as hell better check to make sure.

I used to tell people who messaged me that no, I wasn’t into the sissy/slut/what have you “lifestyle” and I certainly am not going to sleep with them. It was important that I wasn’t misunderstood. Again, a photo isn’t an invitation to get sexually charged messages.

And YES, I KNOW. “That’s what happens when you post pictures like that.” It IS what happens but that doesn’t mean that it’s okay. People can stop making the choice to send emails or commenting in a certain way. Manners, decorum, consent, these things matter.

Over the years I have modeled and reviewed clothes and lingerie that left to my own devices I wouldn’t have chosen to wear. I mean, I’ve modeled pants for goodness sake (turns out I loved them and I loved how I looked, so there’s that…). I have become accustomed to not becoming emotionally attached to an outfit. What I mean is that I can wear something for a photo shoot, whether for a review or for fun and not overthink what “message” the outfit could potentially send.

I just have fun. For once in my life I am not overthinking.

I tend to wear a lot of leather and shiny clothes. I love how they look and I love the utter power and confidence that they project.

BUT I am also aware of how some people may extract a message I am not sending. If I wear a tight leather dress AND if I intend to convey SOMETHING, that conveyance is essentially complete security of how I feel about myself. My self-assurance is through the roof.

Listen.

Tall girls stand out. T-girls stand out. A leather dress in line at a coffee shop stands out.

All three?? Giiiiirl….

Please understand.

Saying I stand out is not me thinking OMG I AM SO PRETTY EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME. No. It’s more like… I am tall, I am a t-girl, I am wearing a certain outfit… I am not bothering to even try to blend in.

Here I am, world.

Also, my gender presentation is NOT a costume, although what I WEAR might be a costume. What I mean is that I will sometimes wear an outfit that SEEMS to represent who I am, but in reality is all in fun. A pink, frilly, lacey dress does not mean I am a dumb sissy bimbo girl.

The opposite (if such a term is appropriate) is also true. Leather, sky-high stilettos, fishnets do not indicate I am a dominant bitch who is thrilled at the idea of men serving me.

But goodness, aren’t clothes fun? Whether it’s a thigh high platform boot or a pencil skirt I am absolutely in love with what we can wear. Clothes can tell a story… even if the story isn’t true.

Case in point, this photo set.

At least that was the intention.

A common fantasy is a girl wearing very cute lingerie under a long coat. I thought it would be fun to do a shoot that, well, told a story. A girl in a long coat and then revealing not only a sexy outfit… but also her intentions.

Is this my fantasy? That wasn’t the point. This set was about a costume, it was about telling a tiny story, so to speak. It was a peek into my psyche or my daydreams. Not at all.

Ultimately this set didn’t work out how I wanted it to. But that was my fault. Shannonlee shot these pictures at our last shoot after we filmed our videos for En Femme. We had about twenty minutes left before our time in the studio was up… and I was exhausted. I didn’t have time mentally to, well, get into character, so to speak. I had spent over two hours talking about gender identity and femme presentation… important stuff. To make that shift to make-believe was a little abrupt. It required getting out of my comfort zone and honestly? I didn’t have it in me.

So, here are a few pictures from this session. We will reshoot this idea at a future shoot when we have more time to do, well, the outfit justice so to speak. Do I like these pictures? Um. I look tired and I was. I tried to look dominating, I tried to look… disinterested, if that makes sense. I think part of playing the role (and I am playing a role in an outfit like this) of a domme is looking bored with a groveling man before her.

But as I’ve learned (but apparently keep forgetting) that me, well, not-smiling, usually doesn’t work out the way I think it will.

At any rate, I hope you like these shots or at the very least, you like this little look into a failed creative vision that was hampered by exhaustion and a ticking clock.

Love, Hannah