Well, Now What?

I think there is unmatched ambition that comes with youth. There’s this amazing and naïve optimism that we have… a fire that burns hot… until the world succeeds in beating it out of us. Worn down by responsibilities and heartbreak we develop a slow resignation that we are powerless.

But that’s not true.

We can change the world but not in the way we once hoped. When I think about what I would like to be different I usually think of things like financial stability, safe housing, and access to medical care. I think about education and teaching people that although you may not be able to relate to someone, it doesn’t mean that aren’t deserving of kindness and empathy.

I think about the resources that our planet has and what we can do to take care of them.

I think BIG. I think on a global scale.

And I don’t know where one would even begin.

The planet’s population is tip-toeing to eight billion each day. Each person has their own world, though. Dreams, fears, needs, feelings, ambitions, and challenges. We all need something. On my best days I realize how blessed I am and that I have a home and stable relationships and safety. Things that are out of reach for too many people… especially considering the resources, such as wealth, that many people have that they will never spend.

When I remember that the world means something different for every person, I start to think about how that one world, that one relatively small world, may need help that I could offer.

I can’t change EARTH but perhaps I can make a difference in one’s world. We all could.

This is all sounding very altruistic and perhaps a little arrogant but over the last few months I have been… oh, I don’t know, mentally preparing for the rest of my life. I feel like… showing my gratitude for a life that has given me so much… to both of my gender identities.

What I mean is that in my male life I had The Life Goal. It was imagined when I was 22 years old. And last year I accomplished it.

Not something I ever expected to happen, if I am being honest.

After the metaphorical dust settled, I couldn’t help but think “Well, now what? What will I do for the rest of my life?” If life has a turning point it was this.

I suppose I am thinking about quality of life. I am not quite fifty and I will never be as young as I am as I type this sentence.

See? I’m older now.

And older again.

This will continue to happen.

I am thinking about my health, my relationships, finances for the future. I feel I am on square one. Like I accomplished The Life Goal and I got it out of the way and… well, now what?

I can live better. I can eat better. I can take care of myself and strengthen relationships. Things that I am ashamed to say had some level of neglect as I focused on The Life Goal.

But.

That desire to change the world is there. Sometimes it’s reality that convinces us that the world is too big, too messy, too broken to change. And I suppose from some perspectives that this isn’t incorrect. But that optimism from our youth that I mentioned earlier? It’s kind of there again. Or it’s still there. Like that small glow of hope in the corner of Pandora’s box…

Of all the things that life gives us, sometimes it’s a perspective that comes with experiences that I treasure most. I can’t change The World. I can’t solve every problem I think the world has. I can’t assert my values on an entire planet. Regardless of one’s intentions, that is not unlike a dictatorship.

If I remember that to each and every one of us, “the world” is one person’s own world. One’s world is filled with dreams and ambitions and insecurities. Changing The World isn’t likely going to happen, but perhaps I can help one world.

The MN T-Girls was born from a desire to make friends. I am often ambitious and have a tendency to have an inflated sense of self-importance but even in my most arrogant thoughts I didn’t think this little group would last ten years. Nor did I think it would be, well, beneficial to anyone. I just wanted to meet other t-girls to go shopping with. What once was intended to be a social group has evolved into a very unique support group and has given girls like us a chance to meet others, to leave their home, to empower them as they rediscover the world en femme.

It’s scary to go out en femme. But it’s easier when there are others with you.

I get emails from girls like us wanting to join but aren’t ready to present femme in public quite yet. We will be there when they are ready. They may also not be ready to meet others like themselves. Again, we will be there when they are ready. I am often asked if I will meet them individually. But I always decline.

Why? Why do I decline?

A number of reasons.

For starters, I am a busy girl. And a busy man. My schedule is usually filled a few weeks in advance. I am rarely able to do anything, regardless of what it is, on short notice.

Secondly, I don’t meet up with people I don’t know. That’s just not safe.

And finally, most invitations and requests to meet someone are usually at a hotel. Not only is that not safe, I know what you are asking.

Of course, meeting someone at a hotel isn’t always for Sexy Time. It could be someone traveling for work or someone checking into a hotel for privacy reasons. I get that, but I am still not going to do it.

I suspect many people asking to meet one on one are completely innocent and sincere. They just want to talk to someone like themselves. They may want the support and company while they shop for a dress. I get that. I really do.

The MN T-Girls will sometimes go shopping so there is that opportunity for girls looking to expand their wardrobe but it’s not always easy to shop with a dozen or so others. Again, some aren’t quite ready to do that.

I have started to entertain individual and personal shopping trips with others. I have a friend who meets up with clients to shop for makeup. She is skilled at her craft and offers guidance on products and just general support while she helps them select the right foundation and other essentials.

I’d like to do something like that.

I envision something along the lines of meeting up with someone in a public space, such as a mall, and helping someone shop. Or try on wigs. Or offer support while they meet with a clerk for a bra fitting.

I think this could be helpful. It’s not changing THE WORLD but it could change ONE WORLD.

What do you all think?

Love, Hannah