A Small Fish in a Big Ocean

Part of living in the world is finding your place in it.

There’s always a place for everyone but sometimes we have to carve out our own niche and create a space that is perfect for oneself.

That was part of my thinking when I thought about what I wanted the MN T-Girls to be ten years ago. When I started to leave the house en femme I wanted places to go and people to know. We all need support and we all need different kinds of support, and the support I needed was less… emotional and encouragement than what a traditional support group offers.

Of course, almost every support group is beneficial and invaluable. But considering we’re all on different journeys and at different points in our lives, not every group is going to be a good fit… and sometimes they are perfect… for a while.

A decade ago there were very few options for a girl like myself. PFLAG was very active in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area, and there was also the now defunct CLCC. Tri-Ess was around then and, as far as I know, is still active today.

A significant motivation for the MN T-Girls was to create not necessarily a support group (though that has happened organically) but to create a social group that would go shopping, meet up for coffee… you know, girl things.

At that point in my life I didn’t feel that I needed someone to tell me it was okay to be who I am, but I wanted friends to go to the mall with.

Here we are, ten years later, and the group is still going strong. We have hundreds of members and have had so many adventures. It’s been lovely. The group has surpassed my wildest and most optimistic expectations. I feel the group does good work, and I feel that our group, well, belongs.

What I mean is that over the last ten years the Twin Cities has seen more support groups and resources flourish such as Transforming Families, Minnesota Transgender Alliance, and Queerspace Collective. We as a community have moved out of meeting in private, and are out in the community… loud, bright, visible, and proud.

It’s wonderful.

I’m proud of the MN T-Girls. I’m glad I stuck with it. I love looking back on all the events we’ve done, whether it was a yoga class, makeup lessons, private shopping events, girl talk and coffee… I feel the group is important and helpful. I feel the group offers something unique. We have our niche.

But.

You knew there would be a “but”, didn’t you? 😉

It’s not a bad but, though. What I mean is that whenever I wander around a Pride event and I see other groups and their booths and the good work they do, I realize that we are just a drop in the ocean.

And that’s a good thing. It’s wonderful that there are so many resources in the Twin Cities for the non-binary community… regardless of your age or where you are on your journey.

These other groups inspire me, they motivate me. They make me want to do more. I would love to support trans kids. I would love to have regular actual support group sessions. I want to keep doing what I do, but do MORE.

Buuuut (and here’s a bigger but) there are other groups, specifically the ones I mentioned a few paragraphs earlier, that are already doing these things and doing them better than I ever could.

I love being inspired and I can’t let that inspiration take over. What I mean is that yes, I am inspired to do more BUT I really can’t. I am stretched pretty thin as it is, and the idea of taking more on is not a good idea. I don’t think adding more to my makeup palette would be sustainable. I don’t think I would be able to commit to more and if one starts to offer a support group or other resources it needs to be something that one CAN commit to. I think I would burn out and let people down… the very people who need support and resources.

I am content with what I do. I am honored and humbled by what I do.

The ocean is endless, there’s room for every fish.

Love, Hannah