A Tale of Two Dresses

It was the most glamorous of dresses, it was the cutest of dresses.

I spent a Saturday out en femme recently before I met up with the MN T-Girls. When I have a day out planned I think about what I will wear. Sometimes my outfit is determined by the weather or whatever I am up to that day. Sometimes it’s a new dress I can’t wait to wear.

For days I don’t “have” to wear something specific I’ll go through my closet and see what jumps out at me. I used to do this a few days before my outing but I realized that even when I do have something chosen I almost always change my mind. Annnnd I usually choose something a little cuter, a little tighter, a little shorter.

I think I do this because once I begin getting ready my…. hm, my confidence and excitement kicks in. I feel… powerful, I feel beautiful, I feel bold. Practicality and modesty are tossed out the window.

On this particular day I chose one of my favorite dresses ever:

I strutted around all day and felt amazing.

I visited a couple of malls and I popped into White House Black Market. I love their dresses and outfits but they are usually out of my price range. I do own a few of their dresses that I was lucky enough to find at second-hand shops and they always fit well and are very flattering. I started to browse through the clearance rack and saw this dress:

Loved it.

It was a size higher than I normally wear and sometimes one size in either direction can make a significant difference but the material wasn’t stretchy at all so I thought it might look okay.

“God, I hope she does”.

I try not to react to conversations I am not part of but I think going out en femme has conditioned me to be aware of my surroundings. I am not eavesdropping but I need to be listening to people near me in case they are saying something threatening.

I turned and looked in the direction of the voice. A woman smiled and said “yes, I’m talking about you. I hope you buy that dress because you would look amazing in it.”

I flustered a little bit as I doubt I will ever become accustomed to pure kindness and sincerity when I am en femme. Most people are polite of course but someone initiating small talk with me, from girl to girl… it’s absolutely affirming.

Much, much, much better than “passing” could ever feel. The woman had to know I was transgender AND chatted with me, chatted ABOUT me….

Anyway, I am probably overthinking this.

My flustering was also fueled by being complimented. Something I know I will never get used to.

She said that she was telling the salesgirl that she hoped I would buy the dress. I stammered and likely replied that I was thinking about it or something.

So of course I had no choice but to try it on. Annnnd as soon as I zipped it up I knew it would be mine. I loved it. And I wore it out of the dressing room, out of the store, and out of the mall.

Well, after I paid for it, obviously.

The T-Girls and I were invited to a private makeup demonstration and shopping at Cos Bar in a more upscale part of Minneapolis. Since I am habitually early for everything I arrived to outdoor promenade where Cos Bar and other shops were located. I wandered around for a bit and popped into a few stores including a very cute lingerie boutique. I wanted to buy something but when I saw that a pair of panties I was considering was over one hundred dollars I decided that I should be somewhat fiscally responsible.

I passed by a wedding gown shop and as I walked by I could catch a glimpse of a young woman showing off a dress to her friends… I suppose they were likely her future bridesmaids. She looked radiant, her smile showing how much she loved the dress… and it goes without saying it was a beautiful gown.

The daydream of shopping for such a dress with friends popped into my head and I felt a mixture of jealousy and longing and excitement. I’m sure I’ll make that daydream come true someday.

After our evening of makeup and shopping I made my way back to my car. My new dress was super cute but like almost every dress I own, it was, well, tailored to show off my legs. I was cold. It was late. I strutted as quick as could… which isn’t very quick considering how well heels and ice get along.

I passed by the dress shop once again. Since the shop was closed I could linger a little longer without the risk of people inside thinking I was being creepy. My eyes were drawn to this stunning gown.

My daydream from earlier continued into imaging a gala, a ballroom, a black tie affair… an evening of beauty and glamour. An evening where a gown like this would be perfect.

I felt the familiar pangs, the longing, my imagination running wild.

I felt the chill of the air, the cold creeping on my legs, my body shivering.

I reluctantly pulled myself from the glass and went home to dream.

Love, Hannah