Inside my Husband’s Closet

When one person in a relationship has a gender identity that, well, isn’t cisgender, it usually leads to a very complicated, often challenging, partnership.

I think this is something we can all relate to. Whether you have a partner that wears panties or you are the one that does, you likely know that this element of a relationship rarely makes things easier.

If your husband likes to wear lingerie during intimate (or non-intimate) moments, well, there’s a lot to unpack there. But there’s also the aspect of what else that brings into a relationship. Often times our partners feel their needs are being neglected or are unimportant both in and out of the bedroom. Often times our partners feel we are not being completely honest about ourselves. Often times are partners are correct.

In many cases, it’s not the crossdressing/gender presentation itself that is the issue (I get a surprisingly amount of emails from spouses and partners who support their significant other’s wardrobe preferences), but the actions that can come from crossdressing/gender presentation, such as little white lies (or big lies), not respecting any boundaries our partners have requested, or spending more money than we should be on new outfits. Often these actions can be attributed to the Pink Fog, but not always.

As I mentioned, our partners can often feel alone and neglected in all this. We might not mean to isolate our partners, but sometimes we are so tangled up in pink that we are not aware of how our actions may cause our partners to feel.

It’s easy and common for our partners to feel alone. Another factor that adds to this loneliness is that our partners are likely very reluctant to seek out support, let alone even know where to turn to. My wife has amazing friends and they tell each other everything. However, in the early days of my journey I was very lost in the fog and trying to figure things out and I was far from an attentive partner. My wife experienced a lot of emotions and thoughts that she had to go through alone. I mean, how do you call your best friend to talk about how your husband wear panties?

There are few resources for our partners. Ultimately our gender identity is our responsibility and it’s our role to know ourselves AND to remain committed and devoted to our spouses. Many of us need help doing that as well, which is one of the reasons I go to therapy on a regular basis.

Given that there aren’t as many resources for partners of people like myself (and possibly you as well), I am always happy to see a new book that is meant to help couples where one of two isn’t cisgender.

I was really happy to get an email from author Cheryl B. Thompson who just published a book titled “Inside My Husband’s Closet”. From her website:

“Inside My Husband’s Closet” is the story of the first year after my husband went into the closet, hiding who he was from everyone but me. He requested I join him there and not discuss his decision with others.

Having been an ally to others in the LGBTQ+ community for many years, I thought I would understand what lay ahead. I did not.

Ms. Thompson and I have partnered to do a little Q&A session. This is similar to a post from a few years ago when I gathered questions from readers and provided them to my wife. She wrote replies which were posted here.

If you have questions about, well, anything related to relationships and gender identity, please either post them in the comments of this post or send them to me directly. I’ll compile your questions for a week or so and Ms.Thompson’s responses will be posted in a future update.

Ms. Thompson’s book is available through Amazon and her website also has resources and information that I feel is helpful.

Love, Hannah