Coffee with The Tea Time Girls

The MN T-Girls has been a significant part of my life for eleven years but I usually don’t wonder if it’s as impactful to anyone beyond myself. I know I am wrong but I’ll get to that in a parargraph or two or three or eight.

What I mean is that when the group started, it was done so with the intention to make friends. I wanted to meet others like myself so I had someone to go shopping with or embark on other adventures. That was the root of it. Over time the group has grown into our own little community and the girls in the group have made friends with others in the group.

Obviously making friends is enriching, not only for myself but for other MN T-Girls. I have learned that we all have our own milestones and wishlists and some of the activities we’ve done have been life-changing for some of the members. If there’s one thing I like to hear about the group it’s that it is has given others the courage to go out into the world en femme.

I know how life-changing it has been to experience life in stilettos and it warms my little heart hearing others experience the same thing.

I suppose it is a reminder that sometimes a significant life change can be traced to a small action. My life is fulfulling and I have had amazing adventures en femme. These adventures and this life are all a result of having the courage to strut out into the world. I am grateful when I hear that others credit the MN T-Girls in a small way with their happiness.

It’s imporatant to be honest with yourself and to try to be objective as much as you can. I think it’s important to have friends who are honest with you and to help keep you grounded. I have a good friend in my male life who is very funny and whenever I need a reality check he’s always happy to knock me back to earth. He does this in a gentle but effective way. Sophie, my friend and producer of Wishlist, is also there to tell me which of my ideas are unrealistic or straying too far from what Wishlist is meant to be.

I need these perspectives. I am grateful when people tell me things I haven’t considered. I know I can trust them.

The MN T-Girls is something that I spend a lot of time thinking about. I think about our adventures and what we should do next. But I also think about what the group IS and perhaps what it SHOULD be. I know that members are all on different points in their journey and are looking for different things in terms of support and friendship and resources. I want the group to offer something for everyone.

But I know it can’t. I know it shouldn’t try to be more than what the group already is.

For two reasons:

The MN T-Girls exists, at it’s core, to be a social group. We go out into the world and do things. If the group had a slogan it would be “Tall Girls Doing Stuff”. Of course, supporting each other happens naturally but I tend to think of support groups as others gathering together to have helpful and emotional conversations. Whenever I think about events that focus on other aspects of who we are, I hesitate. Some of these potential events concentrate on elements of transitioning, such as how to change one’s name or the medical aspect of gender-affirming surgery. I feel that the MN T-Girls should, essentially, stay in our lane and remain tall girls doing stuff. I think that we are unique when it comes to other groups in the Twin Cities. I feel there is value when it comes to helping others feel comfortable with doing everyday things en femme, which is a key element when it comes to living one’s life. Whether you are transitioning or not, I am certain we all want to feel comfortable \being a tall girl doing stuff.

The other reason is that there are other groups in the Twin Cities that do things that we don’t do, but in a better way than I ever could. I believe in commitment. If you are going to do something then you had better be prepared to give it the time, the attention, the resoures, and the care it needs. This is true when it comes to a relationship but also when it comes to creating a support group.

I feel that the MN T-Girls is successful mainly because of the consistency. Except for the two pauses we took during the pandemic, we have met once a month, every month, for almost eleven years.

But I know I don’t have the time that it would take for the group to be more than it is. I would love for us to meet more often, to offer a wider variety of resources and events but I don’t have the time to do so.

Fortunately, as I mentioned, there are other groups that do. Namely the Aliveness Project. The Aliveness Project has a ton of amazing resources for the queer community from support groups to HIV testing, and one of those resources is the Tea Time Group.

From their website:

Tea Time is a peer support network for trans femme-identifying individuals living in the Twin Cities and Greater Minnesota. The mission of Tea Time is to offer safer spaces for trans femme folks, a highly vulnerable and stigmatized population. Tea Time offers various resources such as access to HRT injection supplies, a free PrEP clinic, and safer spaces including online spaces to discuss issues related to stigma and shame, issues around medical transition, sexual health, peer support, family issues, etc. We offer safer spaces for trans femme folks to learn how to live and thrive through a network of peer support and care.

Tea Time meets every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month from 5:30pm -7:00pm at The Aliveness Project located at 3808 Nicollet Ave, Minneapolis, MN 55409.

Some of the events they hold include name-change clinics, clothing swaps, and other workshops for girls like us.

I had the pleasure to meet two of their members this past weekend to share resources and to discuss ideas to strentghten our community. We also discussed colloborations such as joint events between the two groups.

I am impressed with the resources they offer and much of what they do are events that I had always wanted the MN T-Girls to explore.

However, as I mentioned earlier I feel that the MN T-Girls offers a social/public aspect that I feel is important for our community and that groups such as Tea Time offer these resources in a more effective way than I ever could.

If you are in the Twin Cities and especially if you are a member of the MN T-Girls, I encouage you to look into Tea Time.

Love, Hannah