K.I.S.S.

Anyway, Monday’s post prompted a few emails about how pointless it is figuring out the WHY of who we are.

And I agree. I mean, it’s why I wrote these two pieces.

Some emailers were kinnnnnda angry that they wasted their time reading the post because, again, there’s really no real, satisfying reason we are who we are and they were upset that they were forced to read something that angered them.

I have… questions about these emailers but as I am wont to do, I digress.

My point for Monday’s post was that although there’s no need to analyze again and again for a reason we are who we are, we might need to find a way to, well, explain who we are to those who, well, hate us.

Perhaps this is optimistic, but I don’t think we are predispositioned to hate others. But I do think we are hardwired to be wary of things we don’t understand. This wariness can lead to violence and hostility, but I think those responses are choices. True, we may respond physically to something we deem as a threat, but transgender people are not a threat just by existing.

I mean, that’s all we want to do, right? Just exist? We just want to go about our silly little day doing our silly little errands without being harrassed (or worse). I am not at the mall to indoctrine anyone into my “lifestyle”, I don’t even want to talk to you, lol. I just want to find a cute dress or a good book and maybe have a coffee and go home.

We, as non-binary people, have been put on the defensive. We are attacked and demonized and pulled into a debate we don’t want to have. But this is where we are and we are, not to be overly dramatic, fighting for our survival. We can’t let bigots define us, we need to take control of the narrative.

And we need to do this in a simple and direct and concise way.

The more people fear us, the greater the likelihood there is of violence. The more we are demonized, the more likely it is that the violence could be viewed as justified. We need to somehow get through to the general population. We need to simplify our message (the message of I am not hurting anyone and I am allowed to do what I want with my life) into easy to understand and easy to relate to terms.

I have little interest in explaining myself to myself or to anyone. I have little interest in understanding myself or caring if anyone elase does. But I think I need to find a way to succinctly and directly, well, disarm an attacker if it ever comes to it. I watch trans activists on talk shows or whatever and there are so many layers to who we are that they do their best to explain gender ideology. They are attempting (and bless their hearts) to discuss that gender isn’t binary and other seemingly complex and unfamiliar topics to the audience.

But we live in a world where so much is competing for our attention. Our attention spans have been fried to the point where something that takes more than ten seconds to explain is almost overwhelming. If I have a coworker who is just droning on and on about something and over explaining something I am SCREAMING inside and begging them to to get to the point. Tell me what I need to know. Tell me the crucial bullet points. Tell me enough so I can choose for myself the follow up questions for additional information that I might need. Tell me the building is on fire, not the color of the carpet.

Instead of a twenty minute lecture about gender identity and how gender binary is a social construct, perhaps just saying who I am is of no business of yours.

But, you know, in a polite way.

Sure, there would be pushback but I think most people would struggle with giving a reason WHY who I am is any of their business. Simply responding with “why is it your business?” repeatedly may cause someone to keep trying (and failing) at giving a reason or perhaps realizing that how someone lives their life is really, in fact, none of their business.

Dig your heels in, stick with the simple. We are under no obligation to give a graduate level thesis about gender identity to any random idiot on the street or online.

Kiss.

Kiss It Simple, Sexy.

Love, Hannah