I don’t like calling people out when they comment on a post, so please understand that this is not meant to shame or, well, correct anyone.
I mean, sometimes I do want to call someone out but only when they say something completely unhinged or offensive.
When I disagree with something that is said, I can usually see their point or at least understand a little where they are coming from.
Fetishization and sexualization of transwomen happen. It has always happened and will probably continue unabated. A lot of physical attributes are fetishized, whether it is a girl with red hair or a girl with a penis. Some people are very into very specific things. Oftentimes these interests can influence one’s perception of all people with those same physical characteristics. What I mean is that a transgender woman can often be perceived as, well, whatever narrative that person wants, whether that perception is sexual or meant to further a political agenda. If someone hates transwomen and wants others to join in their hate, then they will demonize her. We see this happens all the time. This fear-mongering works often enough for it for people to keep trying it. We see this with so-called “bathroom bills” and with transgender athletes being banned from everything from high school sports to the Olympics. The tactic is usually ALL TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE SCARY AND WILL HURT YOU.
Of course, this isn’t true.
On another part of the spectrum is ALL TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE SEXUAL OBJECTS. We are a fetish for some and it’s not uncommon for some men to assume that, well, ALL TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE SEXUAL OBJECTS. The idea that a woman, whether she is transgender or cisgender) is just living her life and isn’t existing to please men is baffling to some guys. This personal opinion is enforced by my experience of getting emails and messages from men who constantly attempt to engage in sexually explicit conversations and seem genuinely confused that I don’t want to discuss their fantasies.
Where does this perception come from? Are women to blame?
Of course not.
But this leads back to the comment that got me thinking about this. The comment was for a post that focused on what you probably shouldn’t say to a t-girl. The comment was Since most people, esp. men don’t see us as typical men or women and I guess the only time most guys have seen Trans. women is on the internet …I guess some blame can go towards some Trans girls…
I do agree that it’s likely that most men have only seen transwomen (as far as they know) on the internet and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was in an adult video. It’s the last sentence here that I disagree with. We are not to blame if men form their opinion about us based on what they see on the internet. Yes, some transwomen do post adult and spicy content. I am not innocent of this as I also post photos that are pretty risque. But women are allowed to post whatever they want, wearing whatever they want. Although I have a pretty low opinion of men (sorry boys) I do think that men can absolutely control themselves. The argument of “I can’t help getting hard when you post sexy pictures” is complete bullshit. While you may not be able to mitigate what arouses you, you sure as hell can control what you say. Men are CHOOSING to write the messages and comments that they write. Men absolutely know what is appropriate and suggesting that they are helpless in their reaction is just victim blaming.
It’s not *that* different from men thinking that what a girl is wearing is “asking for it”.
Again, I am not calling out the commenter and I think I get where they are coming from. I mean, it’s not unheard of transwomen turning to sex work for an income, especially when they are discriminated against when it comes to securing traditional employment. All of us need to eat, afterall. I don’t feel there’s anything shameful or wrong if someone chooses to be a sex worker. There are more shameful things to be, in my opinion.
Men should know that just because some girls make erotic content it doesn’t mean that ALL women want that kind of attention. Men have women in their lives, whether it’s their mother, sisters, girlfriend, wife, daughter, friend, niece, or colleague. They probably don’t think that all women in their lives are the same as the women in adult videos. The fantasy in adult entertainment clouds their perceptions and distorts how they think of women. I know girls who make adult content and when they are not on camera they are doing normal things. When the video stops, they peel off their latex catsuit and go to their part-time job and think about what they will do for dinner. Normal, everyday stuff because they are normal, everyday people. They leave the fantasyland and slide back into the real world.
Women are not to blame for how men think of us. It’s men who have this mindset. Men are (or should be) smart enough to know that women are people and aren’t here to please them.
Again, this is not meant to call out the commenter. Rather this is a reminder for men to stop thinking with your little head.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
I wonder if the commenter was thinking about how so many of us started to explore our gender non-conformity by posting provocative pictures online, hoping for some kind of affirmation of our femininity. That kind of activity can be both validating and self destructive at the same time: making someone feel like they have the option to come out while also feeding the stereotype of trans women being just sex objects to fetishize. I think that’s only part of the puzzle, but possibly what the commenter was trying to speak to.
The bigger question is how we change that. How do we transform our culture into one where we don’t feel like posting clandestine pictures on the internet is the only way to interrogate our own gender identity? Yes, we need to call out men thinking with their little head. But I think it is even more important for trans women to just be out in the world. We need to normalize our existence in the everyday lives of cisgender people. When we become an ever-present part of their reality, we will become routine. We want to be routine. We want to be no big deal. Because when we’re no big deal, we won’t feel like our only option is to fetishize ourselves for validation. We can just wear normal clothes and go to the grocery store and be validated by the fact that no one found anything odd about our presence.
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That mentality is ancient, carried generations after generations. Women are to blame for not listening to men, not doing what a man tells them to do, not behaving as a man tells them to, or dressing as they expect them to, as if they were the all mighty wise and perfect beings and women should follow their lead. We are seen as a mere object useful only when they need us. They see their mothers only as the person who has to take care of them, dress them, feed them and when they get married they transfer that responsibility to the wife who then has the obligation to serve them and give them heirs, but she can’t be independent, have her own mindset or be part of the decision making process for many things on her own family, house or even life. I’m generalizing, not ALL men are like that, but I mean, does 9 out of 10 sounds about right? In my opinion, if anything is to be blamed on women at all, that would be continuing to raise their sons with those old ideas and stereotypes and not with a renewed mindset. But then again even if they are trying to change that, It’s not easy as there’s most likely also a husband with that retrograde mentality and so as a father, he reinforces that mentality and behavior towards women. Things are changing, very, very slowly but they are, thanks precisely to strong and brave women doing their part, but it is not easy to change decades of human behavior and mindset. We certainly won’t live enough to see a world where all that has finally changed for good. Hopefully the newer generations will.
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