Ask Hannah!

I have been following you for years now and I admire you for what you do here.
But, you said you never wanted to transition but you made this statement about Vanna White…..How could I not want to BE her? Would you transition to Vanna White? Please explain?

Would you transition to Vanna White? Please explain?

I didn’t mean that sentence to be taken so literally, what I meant is that I would love a job where I could wear beautiful gowns and sparkly high heels and get paid for it, lol.

When I look at girls (cisgender and transgender girls), I sometimes think the same thing, that I want to BE HER.

But what I mean is “I wish I COULD look like her” meaning that when I am en femme I had the same body, the same face, the same energy, the same everything.

I don’t feel that transitioning is right for me, and I also know that even if I were to transition, I wouldn’t look like the girls that I admire and want to emulate. As shallow/superficial as I am/appear to be, going through everything that transitioning would require for me to look like the girls I want to look like (estrogen, facial feminization surgery, hair removal, etc.) isn’t a strong enough reason for me to take that steps.

I am completely happy with presenting as masculine when I do, and I love being able to change my presentation whenever I wish (or present somewhere in-between). Transitioning would likely upend significant portions of my life and would alter some relationships I have, as well as some of the relationships my wife has. Wanting to LOOK as pretty as the girls I admire doesn’t feel like a strong enough reason to completely change my life, and my wife’s life.

If I felt anxious or depressed or simply “not right” when in male mode, then I would look at that as a sign that I should consider transitioning, but I don’t. Maybe it’s because I never thought of gender as binary and saw no (legitimate) reason that I have to commit to one gender presentation or obey arbitrary gender norms. If I want to wear something, I wear it. Of course, that doesn’t mean I am wearing a skirt in public when I am presenting as masculine, but I underdress, I wear nightgowns when I sleep, I wear leggings and girl tops when I’m home.

I can’t remember the last time I was 100% masculine presenting, come to think of it. Even when I am wearing a suit, I am still wearing panties and lingerie under it.

I think for many of us presenting as masculine is almost painful and agonizing. Perhaps presenting as feminine isn’t as… hm, accessible for some of us. Perhaps some of us feel that the only way one can wear a dress, wear makeup, and, well, not BE a man is to transition. For me, when I am wanting to wear “girl clothes”, I wear them, even in male mode. When I want to be en femme, I schedule a makeover and pick out an outfit. The itch is scratched, if you will.

I feel I have the life (and mindset) that gives me the freedom and the opportunities to dress and present how I wish, when I wish (mostly). The cost of transitioning for me (financially and otherwise), as well as the impact it would have on my wife and her relationships just isn’t worth it. Again, if I felt presenting masculine felt wrong (for whatever reason) then I would explore that but I don’t feel that way.

Everyone is different when it comes to what is right for them when it comes to transitioning. For me I think I would need to feel these two emotions:

Masculine presenting: THIS FEELS WRONG

Feminine presenting: THIS FEELS RIGHT

I suppose (and not to oversimplify) it wouldn’t be much different than feeling that you are using your right hand when you should be using your left hand.

Love, Hannah