Tag: clothes

Saying OMG, YES to the Dress

by Hannah

This side of us can overlap into fantasy territory. Not necessarily sexual territory and it’s not uncommon for a girl like us to be a fantasy for someone else, but the fantasy is often daydreaming about THE dress or where we would wear an amazing outfit.

The degrees that this daydreaming can span can be extreme. We think about what outfit we would wear to simply having a cup of a coffee but we also daydream about what we would wear to a gala.

My adventures (if you can call them that) are the everyday kind. Shopping, having coffee, things like that. Don’t get me wrong, there is magic in the day to day, but this girl fantasizes about ballgowns and black tie parties.

I have dresses for “just in case” situations. I used to go to nightclubs and such but I don’t anymore. BUT if I ever did I have THE perfect dress for such an evening. I can’t imagine the oft daydreamed gala but I still look for THE DRESS that I would wear to such an occasion. I had such a gown but after I lost a significant amount of weight it no longer fit.

I look for ballgowns whenever I visit a second-hand boutique but I rarely find one that fits or that is within my budget. I mean, YES, I could find such a dress if I was willing to spend hundreds of dollars but even I can’t justify spending that much money for something that may never leave my closet.

I look on eBay but I don’t have much luck there either.

So, you can imagine how excited I was when I discovered Queenly. Queenly is a marketplace where you can find amazing dresses for those faaaaancy events we’ve been fantasizing about, whether it’s a wedding reception or staying in on a Saturday. I mean, many of us have dressed to kill just to stay in and binge watch a show. I have.

I spent toooo much time on Queenly looking at everything from bridesmaid dresses to prom dresses to cocktail dresses which is ironic considering I will likely never be a bridesmaid, go to prom, or drink again.

Although I doubt I will ever have a chance to wear a dress like this to an appropriately fancy party I can wear such a gown to a photo shoot. Queenly also regularly hires transgender models for their website so there’s another daydream that I have.

Every once in a while my hubris gets the best of me and I think I have what it takes to do more modeling. Queenly, like other designers, partners with Slay Models which, according to their website, is the premier management company representing transgender fashion talent. We see trans individuals as beautiful. Our strong commitment to developing them as successful models is not about quantifying the model’s gender, it is about their passion and commitment to being the best possible models they can be.

When I heard about Slay I thought maybe I should assemble a portfolio and submit to to them… but then I saw their current models and I was immediately humbled.

Each of these models are wearing dresses found on Queenly, by the way.

After spending a few days on Queenly I found quite a few dresses that fit my budget and really caught my eye. I eagerly wait for the giant box to be delivered.

And! Not only does Queenly have a zillion dresses they also have excellent customer service. I made a mistake with my order and they responded right away and fixed my silly error.

I don’t know about you but prom and wedding season makes me long for beautiful gowns and fancy events. I don’t think I will ever be asked to prom but perhaps I can organize my own black tie event. If I do, I will soon have THE dress for it.

Love, Hannah

New En Femme Blog!

by Hannah

My new blog for En Femme has been posted!

I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah

The Learning Center: Building a Better Wardrobe Part 2!

New in the Learning Center is Hannah McKnight’s latest article on Building a Better Wardrobe – Part 2. Hannah knows a thing or two about clothing and what she looks for to create a look for herself. But when just starting out, it’s nice to have some advice. Or you may be wanting to go beyond that first item you purchased and now you’d like to go a little further.  Hannah is here to help.

As always, Hannah imparts her wisdom in this first part of building a better wardrobe for yourself such as tops, skirts & dresses. Read it now>>

Anti-Climatic

by Hannah

My most recent photo shoot consisted of a corset I was reviewing as well as a few dresses that, for lack of a better phrase, had a story behind them. The stories were more or less along the lines of why I bought it or why it lingered in the back of my closet for years.

My final posting of the shoot really doesn’t have a story. It was a cute dress that I found a cute boutique. It fit, I loved it, the sleeves were the perfect length, the hem was also the perfect length 😉 . So I bought it. Yes, a little anti-climatic.

Here it is!

Love, Hannah

I Get By With a Little Help From My Forms

by Hannah

My most recent photo shoot had a couple of dresses that I had to look DEEP into my closet to find. I have been meaning to wear this particular one for years and years but for some reason or another just never followed through with it. I would plan a day out en femme and sometimes I would end up getting a NEW dress and wanted to wear that one instead or the weather wasn’t going to cooperate and I would need to wear something else.

But I suppose those were just excuses. The reason I didn’t wear it was because I didn’t feel cute in it. I found the dress on Amazon and thought it looked pretty and it fit like a dream but I just felt a little… frumpy? Like it didn’t fall right? Because of this I just didn’t feel a lot of affection towards it.

So, what changed?
My body didn’t, the dress didn’t, all I needed was to add my forms and a corset.

A dress can FIT, but it doesn’t mean it fits in the right places. Sometimes a pretty dress doesn’t compliment you.

Femme clothes are, for the most part, designed for the cis gender female body. This means a bust and hips. My body is pretty rectangular and sometimes the most gorgeous gown fits like a pillowcase.

I packed this dress into my suitcase for the shoot and honestly? I just hoped for the best. The shoot started and as the afternoon progressed the outfits I brought were worn, photographed, and then (carelessly) tossed back into my suitcase.

There was time left for one more outfit, and this dress was the last one left. I shrugged and changed.

This was the first time I had worn the dress with my breast forms and corset. My body was completely different compared to the other times I tried on the dress.

It fell where it should. The dress fit the body it was designed for. I had the body (courtesy of my corset and forms) that it was designed for.

I am not saying that you need a certain figure or $400 breast forms to look cute in a dress. This is a reminder that clothes sometimes need a little help.

Love, Hannah

I Can Resist Anything Except Temptation

by Hannah

Well temptation and leather. I can’t resist leather. I just can’t.

And it’s silly. But it is what it is. But isn’t all of *this* is what it is?

When I am en femme I feel confident and brave and powerful. It’s not necessarily because of what I am wearing but it’s more of a result of all the mental barriers and fears and insecurities and dysphoria I had to conquer before I could leave the house, before I stopped caring about being read, after I realized there was no such thing as passing, before I stopped trying to blend in.

Not caring is one of the most freeing things one can experience.

Of course, not caring is not the same thing as not being compassionate, kind, or considerate, but you know what I mean.

Sometimes I think I have enough LBDs. or enough bodycon dresses with pretty floral patterns on them, but then you see IT. A dress that you KNOW you don’t NEED but you can’t imagine living another minute without it.

So you buy it and the feeling dissipates… until it happens again.

And it will. And I love that. I love finding a dress that I can’t say no to.

A few months ago I was at a second-hand boutique and I saw a dress. It was my size, it was leather, and I mean, I HAD to get it. And really, it wasn’t that different than the other leather dresses I have, but really, when has logic and reason had a chance against a WANT?

I used to save leather for nights out but I rarely am out late these days. Late nights and bold outfits tend to go together but… well, I don’t care about blending in anymore. Well, I do to a degree, there are some limits to what I will wear when I am out. I might love my thigh-high boots and pink PVC dress but I won’t wear that outfit to the mall.

Speaking of shoes, let’s talk MORE about shoes I wore with this dress.

I didn’t MEAN to buy them. I had no choice.

I mean, yes I had a choice, but I didn’t feel I had a lot of options on the day that I bought them. I was out en femme a year or so ago when the fastener on my heels stopped cooperating. Girls like us don’t have the luxury of popping into Target in a pinch and picking out a pair of heels that fit. I also “needed” black heels to go with the outfit I was wearing. I knew I had only a few places I could go that would almost guarantee where I could find a pair of black heels that would fit so off I went.

There is a chain of shops called Fantasy Gifts in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area (and New Jersey) and they sell lingerie and um, other accessories of a sexual nature. They also, thank heavens, sell heels for people with my shoe size.

Their selection tends to be on the more fetishy side with towering platforms and six inch stilettos. Obviously I heart heels like this buuuut for the day I had planned I was hoping to find something a LITTLE more modest.

Depending on how you look at it, luck was either against me or it was running in my favor because the only option where these heels:

My heart skipped a beat and felt a combination of OMG I HEART THEM and I can’t possibly wear them while I run errands.

But guess what! I could and I did:

I am used to being the tallest girl in town but my goodness I towered over everyone. It was… an experience. A sexy experience.

Like a few other pairs of shoes I own, I couldn’t imagine wearing them in the real world so when it was time to plan my outfits for my most recent photo shoot I thought they would perfect for my newly acquired leather dress.

I love how these photos turned out. I think it’s obvious how the stilettos and the leather just… awakens something in me.

Love, Hannah

Life is Short. This Dress is Shorter.

by Hannah

Sometimes the world feels overwhelming. Often life feels overwhelming.

I try to be optimistic, or at least I try to not let the bastards grind me down, but God knows that isn’t always easy.

It had been a stressful couple of days. I can’t even remember what was happening in the world at the moment but it was worrying. Work stuff was frustrating, and I was just in a baaaaad mood.

I had to run to Target and I saw a cute dress. I was in such a cranky mood that I barely stopped to appreciate it. I did see it was my size but you know the feeling when you’re in a bad mood and you just want to… I don’t know, stay in the bad mood for a bit? Like you don’t want to cheer up quite yet? That was me.

The dress had very thin straps. The type of straps that at one point I was convinced my shoulders were too masculine to wear. But I got over that. The dress was also pretty short, probably too short for someone with my body. I like showing a little leg but this dress? I would be showing a LOT of leg.

I picked up a few groceries and went home.

Eventually my mood improved and of course I started to think about that dress and how I should have bought it. Even though I was feeling pissy I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I was reminded that life is short and the time that we have is not a promise. I may live for another five decades but the life that I have, the things I am able to physically do, could all change in the blink of an eye. The day is coming when I can’t strut in heels. There will be a time when I can’t do THIS anymore.

So, I decided to take my own advice and to buy the dress.

I went back, found the dress, and wore it for my most recent photo shoot.

The dress was even shorter when I was all dolled up… breast forms and shapewear can do that. I probably should have purchased the next size up buuuut I didn’t. The length is fine in the sense that it conceals the parts it needs to conceal… as long as I don’t sit down.

This is, at the risk of being crude, my “f____ it dress”. Not because I want to be… ah, sexual while wearing it, but more like “life is short, the time we have is running out, so, f____ it, wear the dress.”

I may be too old to wear this, but in a year I’ll be even older. I might wear this dress for Pride later this month. A year ago I never thought I would wear a dress this thin, this revealing in public but again, life is short… who knows when I will have the chance to wear something like this again?

Love, Hannah

New En Femme Blog!

by Hannah

My new blog for En Femme has been posted!

I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah

The Learning Center: Building a Better Wardrobe

New in the Learning Center is Hannah McKnight’s latest article on Building a Better Wardrobe – Part 1. Hannah knows a thing or two about clothing and what she looks for to create a look for herself. But when just starting out, it’s nice to have some advice. Or you may be wanting to go beyond that first item you purchased and now you’d like to go a little further. Hannah is here to help.

As always, Hannah imparts her wisdom in this first part of building a better wardrobe for yourself. Read it now>>

The Glimpse

by Hannah

I am TERRIFIED of ‘the glimpse’.

I am ENTHRALLED by ‘the flash’.

I don’t want anyone to see the glimpse of my panties or the strap of my camisole when I am in boy mode. I usually don’t think of it like this, but I suppose I plan my boy clothes much more carefully than I acknowledge. If I am spending the day helping a friend… oh, I don’t know, move furniture or something else that requires a lot of bending over, I will make sure I wear a shirt that is long enough to go past my waist lest it rides up slightly revealing a pink, lacy glimpse of my panties.

I am a proud t-girl. But I am also terrified of being outed as a crossdresser.

Perhaps this is a little naïve but I am hopeful that most people in my life know that being transgender is very much about identity. Or at the very least, being transgender isn’t a sexual thing in their mind.

But crossdressing? Oh, that’s a different story. I think it will be viewed as a fetish or a kink for the rest of my time on the planet.

I was in grade school when I first heard the word ‘crossdresser’ and it was explained to me that crossdressing is when a boy wears girl clothes. This is a very simplistic but also a fairly accurate definition. However, it’s the connotations with crossdressing that are potentially troublesome.

Now, I think crossdressing is the best thing ever. But I think most of the world looks at it as a kink or at the very least, a little weird.

And it is a little weird. But weird isn’t bad. Perhaps ‘uncommon’ is a better adjective for it. I never thought crossdressing was wrong but I always knew it wasn’t something most boys did (even though everyone totally should).

If ‘the glimpse’ outed me it would probably trigger an awkward conversation, one that I didn’t plan on having, or wanting to have. When I’ve come out in the past it’s always been on my terms, something I initiated for a variety of reasons. It was my decision. But being “caught” (for lack of a better term), whether it’s being seen at the mall en femme or a visible bra strap would almost certainly start a conversation I don’t want to have at the time or with that particular person.

I know you can see the top of my stocking. That’s on purpose

But just as much as a potential glimpse terrifies me, I love a subtle flash.

I am not talking about anything dirty, mind you. I don’t mean a flash of my panties or certain parts of my anatomy. I am referring to a quick tease of a subtle, intimate, attention to detail.

The flash of a stocking top from a short dress or a slit skirt, for example. Of course, there are some limits as to what I am comfortable with. I heart dresses that show off my legs or again, a flash of my stocking, but if a dress is so short that my stocking tops are visible when I am simply standing… well, that’s TOO short. If the slit of a skirt teases a stocking top when I am strutting across a room… now that is hot.

As much as I love bright pink PVC dresses and rose gold platform stilettos, I am equally drawn to subtle femininity and tiny attention to detail. I love when the light pink of my high heel matches perfectly with the light pink of the flowers on a dress. I love wearing a necklace that compliments my earrings. I love when my makeup artist chooses an eyeshadow that goes really well with the color of my top.

I am overwhelmed (usually in a good way) of all the options that femme clothes offers. SO many dresses and skirts and heels and accessories. I love how we can wear a cute t-shirt and leggings OR heels and a retro-style dress to the mall and still look amazing. I love how we can choose the boldness of a leather skirt or the subtlety of quiet attention to detail.

My point is that I think it’s ironic how I have all the confidence in the world as a t-girl but nothing but fear as a crossdresser.

So… why?

It comes down to being outed. If my friend sees panties peeking out and asks about it (I mean, please don’t ask why someone is wearing a certain style of underwear) then an awkward, unwanted, and uncomfortable conversation takes place. I COULD be dismissive and ask them to mind their own business or overly simplify that I just like to wear panties but these options seem a little rude and… insufficient.

Listen.

It’s important for me to be understood in all aspects of who I am.

I understand that crossdressing is one of the most misunderstood things in the world as it is mostly associated with a kink. And let’s face it, very, very few of us want certain glimpses into our friends lives… particularly when it comes to what arouses them. I really, really, REALLY don’t want to know what my friends are into, if you know what I mean. And I don’t think my friends want to know these things about me, either.

If I were outed as a crossdresser I would want to discuss it. I mean, no I wouldn’t, but I would feel the need to clarify it. I would want to dispel any notion that what I wore had nothing to do with fetishism (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Since it’s important to me that I am understood (as much as gender identity CAN be understood) and since I have a tendency to overexplain (I’m sure you’ve picked up on this by now) it’s very likely a conversation about crossdressing would lead to a conversation about gender identity and Hannah.

Annnnnnnnnnd I really don’t want to come out to anyone in a scenario like this. My gender identity as well as who knows about me (and her) is something that I like to completely control. I will come out (and have always done so) on my own terms, to the people that I feel needed to know.

This… glimpse into who I am is revealed at my choosing. I hope we all have this choice.

Love, Hannah

“A Dress!”

by Hannah

This is going to sound very silly but for a long time I didn’t really think about where clothes came from.

I mean, they came from a store and I knew that someone sewed them using fabric but as for the PERSON who designed them? Never gave it another thought.

Until the movie ‘Clueless’ came out in 1995.

I’ve always noticed tags on clothes and sometimes they had a name on it but I assumed it was the brand and for the most part I was probably right. Occasionally I would see the name and it was the name of a person but again, I never considered who the person was or why on earth there was someone’s name on the dress I was quickly trying on before my mom returned home.

In the movie the main character has a quick conversation with her dad when he sees her wearing a dress.

Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.

Again, this sounds very silly but it was a lightbulb moment. Of course someone had to design the dress.

I am not much of a brand girl. There’s not many designers that I really care about or seek out, but it’s still something I notice (and avoid if I think the designer is a horrible person).

This little scene from the movie popped into my head when I saw this dress at a thrift boutique. I took it off the rack because it was kind of cute and it wasn’t a color I had a lot of in my closet. It was a Calvin Klein dress and it fit like a dream. I’ve had this dress in my wardrobe for years and I thought it was time to wear it for a photo shoot. So I did!

When I add something new to my constantly overcrowding closet I think about what occasion I could wear it to. This dress would be perfect for a wedding or another formal event that Hannah will likely never ever be invited to, but reality usually doesn’t stop me from buying an outfit.

At any rate, that’s the story behind this dress. I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah

Review: Lara Underbust Corset

by Hannah

If you’ve spent more than a minute on my website you will likely realize a few things:

-I heart clothes

-I overthink

-I overthink about clothes

I tend to associate a lot of memories, meanings, and emotions with a particular piece of clothes. Well, femme clothes. I have a lot of neckties that I absolutely have no idea where they came from. On the other hand I have an incredibly beautiful floor length ball gown which fit perfectly before I lost weight that I will never ever get rid of because it was one of the first dresses my wife bought for me.

I am enamored with certain items because of their beauty, even if they aren’t, well, practical. My six inch rose gold platform stilettos? I’ve worn them like twice but my goodness they are magnificent and will forever have a permanent spot in my closet.

Lingerie is a perfect example of pragmatism versus beauty. Tights are more practical than thigh high stockings held by a garter belt, but I chose stockings almost every time.

For years a corset was a perfect example of something that was visually stunning but not something I felt could be worn for long periods of time. But that was because I was wearing them wrong and I didn’t have a proper corset. My introduction to proper corsetry started with my Dita Black Satin Corset from Glamorous Corset.

It’s a stunning piece of lingerie and my goodness did I learn quickly that it required proper training as well as commitment. I had never heard of seasoning a corset before but I learned. Corsetry requires an insane amount of dedication and at first it was kind of intimidating but I quickly realized the benefits of following through.

While preparing for a photo shoot over a year ago I decided to wear my corset which I rarely did for long periods of time. This would be the first time I would wear it for more than several hours and it would be the first time I would wear it outside of my home when I would be getting in and out of a car, going up and down stairs, and doing a lot of walking. Again, it was intimidating and there was a learning curve but it didn’t take long to see the benefits of a proper corset and the results of the hours I put in seasoning it.

Since then I have worn my corset every time I present en femme. Yes, it’s a stunning corset but its equaled by the practical benefits of it. A perfect balance.

I was thrilled when I was contacted by Glamorous Corset asking if I would like to review their Lara Black Cotton Corset with Hip Ties corset. Yes please!

A corset takes dedication and it also requires accuracy. Measurements are absolutely key.

I sent in my measurements and within a few days I received a black velvet bag with the Lara corset in it.

Although I’ve been wearing my first corset for a while and I am very much used to it, I was still taken aback by the beauty of it not only in terms of appearance but also in construction and design of it. I love small, subtle attention to clothes, whether it is a small fabric rose on the front of a pair of panties, and in this case of the Lara I was drawn to the side ties of it. This is a steel boned corset which helps create a more defined (curvier) figure and helps with my posture. I couldn’t slouch if I wanted to.

My second impression? Yes this is beautiful but I have a certain affinity for my current corset and I couldn’t imagine wearing the new one in place of it. This thinking would change.

I spent about a week seasoning it and was quickly reminded that although I am used to A corset it doesn’t mean I am used to ALL corsets. When seasoning one you should wear it for about an hour at first and over time wear it a little longer as you progressively adjust the lacing. A quick reminder if what you’re wearing hurts (be it a gaff or a corset) you’re wearing it wrong. I wear my current corset for up to 14 hours at a time and I naively thought this new one wasn’t going to be as much of a learning curve as it was.

After thirty minutes or so I was very much aware of what I was wearing. It was a relief to take it off however over the next few days as it adjusted to my body it became more and more comfortable and by the end of the week I was wearing it for up to ten hours (in boy mode).

This was one of the items I wore for my most recent photo shoot and although one of my first thoughts was that I would continue to wear my Dita corset I realized that my Lara would now be my go-to corset.

Photo shoots can require a lot of creative movement and posing. This could be reclining or balancing on one stiletto. The Lara moved with me and complimented my figure with every gesture. The seasoning and expert design of it paid off.

I was a LITTLE concerned about stealthing (essentially subtly wearing a corset in public) but this wasn’t an issue as shown in the photo below.

This is a stunning corset. It marries beauty and practicality. It demands commitment. And isn’t that what this side of us is all about?

Love, Hannah