Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah.  Really have enjoyed reading your advice.  I love to dress, but have to keep it an absolute secret.  How do you approach that?  Try to just ignore feelings, or do things like wearing panties under clothes?  Any thoughts would be appreciated.

If there is one thing that over thirty years of crossdressing has taught me, its that this…desire, need, urge, call it what you will, will never go away.  This is who you are.  You cannot outgrow this, you cannot quit this,  you cannot deny this is who you are and what you want to wear.

I don’t think ignoring this part of us is useful.  Nor do I think it is effective.  I  believe if this is who you are, then you should let yourself be yourself.  I understand that this needs to be kept a secret.  I keep this a secret from almost everyone in my life but I still feel I can be myself.  I know some t-girls who dress up just a few times a year.  Sometimes they take a vacation and spend time as their other selves in a different city.  I know some girls who just check into a hotel for the weekend and dress up and never leave their room.  You just have to find a way to make it work.  It depends on how far you want to go.  For some, wearing a skirt while watching television is all they want.  There are those who just want to underdress.  For some, they want everything from the tips of their false eyelashes to the point of their stiletto.

Of course, you’ll want to consider who you are keeping this a secret from.  If you are married or in a committed relationship, I don’t think you should be deceptive.  I hope you can find a way to tell your significant other about this part of you.  It will, of course, likely come as a shock, but you will inevitably get caught, regardless of how careful you are, or think you are.  I hear stories on a fairly regular basis from crossdressers who were caught by their significant other and not only did they have the discussion about crossdressing itself, there was the additional issue of their partner being lied to.  If you told her you were on a business trip when you really spent the week visiting a different city and trying on heels, she will likely feel betrayed and deceived…because, quite honestly, you lied to her.  It will takes years for a relationship to recover from feeling deceived, if it recovers at all.  I think many partners are hurt more about being deceived than about the dressing itself.  I may have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but one thing I did right was telling my wife about myself after only a few months of dating.  I had to.  This is who I was and she deserved the truth.

I hope this helps!  Be safe and be honest.

Love, Hannah