Ask Hannah’s…Wife

We know what it is like to be us.  We know how complex, stressful, conflicting, and wonderful it is to be who we are.  Sharing this side of us is not easy and I do my best to write about what our partners may be feeling, thinking, or worried about when it comes to being in a relationship with someone like us.

Most of the questions I get are about making this work within a relationship.  Much of what I write about is about being considerate of what our partners may be experiencing.  The truth is that every relationship is different and there is not a roadmap as to how to make this work for every couple.

Talking to other t-girls and their partners gives me a lot of perspective on how this side of us affects their relationship.  How this works, how it doesn’t, and what someone is feeling.  There are many things that these relationships have in common but there are also elements that are as unique as every relationship.

My wife and I talked a lot in the early days.  I learned a lot then, and now years later I am still learning and listening.  Some things she felt then but couldn’t voice them at the time.  One thing that was always there was a feeling of loneliness when I came out to her.  Who could she talk to?  Who could she confide in?  Who would understand?

Many of our partners felt, and feel, this way.  The internet wasn’t helpful and in many ways added to her fears.  There are resources for those who have partners who are transitioning, but not many resources for those who are married to people like me… and probably you.

Seeing this lack of resources, my wife has offered to answer some questions.  My wife is many things, but it’s her gentleness, honesty, and realistic perspective that I feel are among her strongest traits.

If you are transgender, and especially if you are the partner of someone like me, please add your questions to the comments before.  You can post anonymously or you can email me at hannahgotta(at)

I assure you confidentially if you send an email.  Names and email addresses will not be posted.

I can’t promise every question will be answered, but every one will be read by her.  Questions will be taken for about a week and her responses will be posted at a later date.

Love, Hannah


3 thoughts on “Ask Hannah’s…Wife

  1. So, we you are dressed as Hannah does your wife see you as a man in a dress or does she treat you like a woman? Does she address you as Hannah and does she use proper pronouns? And do you see each other as lesbians while you are dressed?


  2. My wife and I have been looking for a support system like this. I am glad you are starting this. The thing that I didn’t understand when I came out to my wife about my crossdressing is she said she was betrayed and lied to. We have been married for 20 years and she has known about it since the beginning but allows me to go out to support groups and dress in private but does not like it. Every time I try and talk to her about it she gets mad and we start arguing. At one point she said she felt like she was competing with my crossdressed self which I didn’t fully understand. All I really want her to know is that my crisscrossing feelings have always been there and what she does as a women has little to do what causes me to want to do this. It makes me feel great when I can be myself and dress who I want to be. I just wish she understood it better. I am looking forward to seeing the comments and questions. Thanks,


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