There’s no question that we are complex and unique.
And at the same time we are… uncomplicated.
I identify as transgender, but more specifically I suppose I bi-gender would be accurate. I am either HIM or HER. I do not live as one gender, I go back and forth.
I suppose to some that would sound like I can’t decide on WHO I am, or I am conflicted or confused about my gender, but it’s not for someone else to understand.
Although my gender identity is sacred and personal and important to me, I also view it as no different than other aspects of my life. I like both Mexican and Italian cuisine. I like sleeping in and waking up early. I am introverted and social. I am more than one thing, and I don’t see why I can’t be more than one gender.
This perspective is taking something as potentially complex and baffling to others to a very simplification. Of course I know that gender identity and a favorite food are not on the same level, but when I order pasta at a restaurant no one tries to psychoanalyze why I am getting it.
My gender identity is just who I am. I can’t explain it, nor do I think it needs (or there is) an explanation. There is no deep-rooted trauma, no childhood event that is associated with why I do what I do or why I am who I am. Like writing with my right hand as opposed to my left, both of my genders just feels right.
I get a lot of emails from men and women and those who aren’t sure of who they are, or those who don’t feel there is a name how they identify. Most of us don’t wonder why we are who we are. But there is a level of frustration when it comes to others not understanding or accepting who we are. Many times this frustration can prevent us from coming out. In some cases it’s because we know that others can’t look at gender as either THIS or THAT, but in others (such as myself), coming out is exhausting and requires a lot conversation and questions (which is normal and understandable, I suppose) but it’s overwhelming to discuss something endlessly when there really is no reason as to why I am who I am.
So, my question to you today is what do you wish others knew about you? For those of you who have come out, how did you talk about it?
12 thoughts on “Hannah Asks…”
I wish others knew that whether dressed feminine or masculine i am still me.
Many who don’t know about the feminine side of me talk about how perceptive, non-judgemental and empathetic I am. I believe this is due to being transgender. I wish they could attribute those qualities the same way. I believe being transgender makes me a better person.
I just wish people knew how happy and relaxed I am when I am able to femme dress. The few that know still seem to think it is odd, so I stay hidden. I, like so many others, would just like to dress as I please and be accepted, probably will not happen in my lifetime. Still, I try to enjoy who I am and enjoy each day.
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I always under dress but dress Male in that environment. Otherwise I’ll wear fem top and pants as it’s so much more relaxing and comfortable,
I see no need to discuss either my gender issues or my sexuality with others. It is not their business
Trying to explain why we like to do what we like to do is as hard as explaining why you like Mexican food.
25 years ago I knew someone who was able to sell me a used Porsche. I loved the car and my two sons loved the car. My wife drove it once in the years that I owned the car and said that she did not see what I liked in the car…it had no cup holders which was of paramount importance to her. All I could say is that if I had to explain what I liked about the Porsche…I can’t. I feel much the same about my dressing.
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i totally agree with you, Hannah and with Carolyn. i’m soon to be 65 and those that i have told scratch their head and ask for definite answers. So it’s easier for me at least to hide in the closet and dress when i wmat
In the process of coming out as bigender. I send a message with pictures. Then say I’m bigender, I am a man and woman and am living my life as both. I’m happier than I have been in awhile. And yes (spouse name) is supportive.
After that I get congratulations, proud of you, bravery and the such. Then asked about pronouns and names. Then it may float into am I planning on taking hormones. And only twice has my sexuality been asked about. But I find pictures help along with a quick explanation.
I just subscribe to this site, I love find people like me with the same feelings and struggles. I’m in the late 40’s and since I remember love to dress as girl and feel so comfortable but as well Know the society don’t accept me. I will try so hard to get away but I can’t, so just keep doing when I have a chance and I think I will never be able to live plenty in this life. sorry I have to said hope somebody can listen to me.
Have you looked at the Cross Dressers Heaven site? It is worth checking out.
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I, along with everyone else, just love your thought provoking topics. Like one of your readers I too am 65 and find myself wanting to paint my nails, put on a dress and just be the woman I really am, BUT I too know just how well “society” would accept me. So how does a very intelligent, pretty looking gal like you do it? It appears to me that I really do have to move town, state, country to achieve my lifelong desire. There are many places here in Australia I know that I can move to but I feel that if I were to “come out” I would have to go OS? Any thoughts?. Its just so nice to read here that there are so many people like me,
Thanks again for your stories,
Hugs all Round,
My spouse is the only person that has actually seen both sides of me. There are a limited number of people who know my male self, and are aware that there is also a femme self. Since becoming active with MN T-girls, there are an increasing number of people who know my femme self, but not my male self. I am happy with the situation as it is. It seems to me that there is really no reason for me to “mix-and-match”, since Linda is really quite personal to me. Why? It just is, and I do not spend a lot of time trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of it.
I spend a lot of time as a woman because it feels right and good.If life wasn’t so complicated I would be female FT. Basically-the thought of getting dressed up as a male to go out to eat,dance, go to the movies etc has zero interest to me. In the over 55 condo where I live people see me come and go as a man and a woman. They even have me listed in their phone directory with both first names
“So, my question to you today is what do you wish others knew about you?”
I wish others knew that being trans (bi gender, genderfluid, etc) is a core part of me and no matter how I look: I’m still me. It’s not a phase or for fun. I’ve said ‘being all of me’ and being open about trans stuff – conversation or actually being out – feels like coming up for air, or stepping into the sun from a cave. It’s not that being a guy is being in the dark, but… it’s like living in a black and white film when done of us were born to be in full colour.
“For those of you who have come out, how did you talk about it?”
It was a work thing to do with HR and my colleague of known for years. She’s didn’t know and was looking to contact the group I help run. She was in quite a dilemma and after listening to her concerns, I simply said I help out there because I’m trans too. She asked a few questions about it – in a nice, friendly, nonjudgmental way 🙂 – and that was that.