When I first searched for ‘crossdressers’ online all those years ago, I was dismayed and a little shocked at how prevalent crossdressing was associated with fetishism. There didn’t seem to be a lot of connection to wanting to feel and look beautiful, just a lot of people dressing up for, well, sexual reasons.
Of course, I didn’t feel like my wearing lingerie was anything sexual. Yes, I felt beautiful in a sexy bra and panty set, but I didn’t dress because it aroused me.
Over time I learned more about myself and started to meet other girls like me, girls who wanted to feel beautiful and they helped remind me that perhaps those who fetishize this are perhaps not as representative of us as I initially thought.
And then came Twitter.
I get likes, comments, and followers from a lot of wonderful and beautiful girls. Some of my followers are “chasers” (men who like girls like me because they fetishize or are attracted to a girl like me), and, well, that’s fine. As long as someone is polite (or at least leaves me alone) I don’t mind who follows or comments.
But I also have a lot of, well, sissies. People who identify as a sissy tend to get aroused by being humiliated for wanting to or dressing like a girl. Ultra femme and revealing clothing is pretty typical and seems to be a huge part of this fantasy or kink.
Don’t get me wrong, wearing a super femme outfit is fun, and I have a couple of dresses like this, but I don’t feel aroused or embarrassed.
I will never criticize someone’s sexual fantasy or kink (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone and is 100% consensual). But when I see someone online who dresses because they seem to think that dressing as a girl is humiliating which in turn arouses them, it makes me reflect that in no way do I feel that presenting as female is demeaning. At all.
Perhaps Iggy Pop said it best.
Of course, I could be totally wrong about this fantasy, so if I am, please let me know in the comments.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
I believe you are quite correct about the fantasy element of crossdressing. One cursory search of Twitter (or really any social media platform) and there they are. Which of course if people aren’t hurting themselves or others isn’t a problem. Let it ride, if that’s your thing go for it. For us it is of course something much deeper and more emotionally connected than that. It takes all kinds to make the world go around, or something like that.
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Wonderful post. Yes , dressing en femme gives me encouragement to do more; it energizes me! It encourages me to lose weight, take better care of myself and others, and to just be a better person. I am thankful I can do it. Life is great!
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Great thoughts Hannah! I totally see this. Individual sexuality is a coherant part of us all regardless of how we identify ourselves. That leads to the truth that these identities are representive of larger parts of the individuals, not only about their sexuality (what turns them on and so on). Feeling beautiful and authentically so is the larger context. The arrousal aspect perhaps is only a sporadical inclusion. If not, I would not need to feel like “me” at 5:00 a.m. when I start working from home on a Monday morning, looking forward to what would be another manic week.
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I wondered if you had any thoughts about this? My wife doesn’t know about my little Hobby and nor can she. Tried it once and she did not like it. With this covid-19 and being locked in the house together all day everyday, I’m almost grieving for Jill not being able to express herself. It’s almost like a death. Does anybody else feel that way? I used to have two to three maybe as much as six hours a day to myself. I do not now. It’s almost like that side of my personality died.
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android
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All I can think about is to put on your panties and go for a feminine walk-enjoy!
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I’m going to get some hate for this, but I’m always super uncomfortable with the term “sissy.”
I think of “sissy” as a term that bullies called me (and others) back in elementary school… Alicia is anything BUT a sissy.
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I agree with you. I was called this too many times to count growing up. At school and at home as well. Understanding the need for labels and categories that many people have, quite honestly, the word “sissy” can go to the garbage bin for eternity and I would not miss it.
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I agree with what you are saying and I too just feel so right in being dressed as a pretty woman. I like a lot have gone looking for all the information one can find to see what platform you fit. Yes, I too love the feel of being sexy and ‘enjoying’ one’s self but that is not the reason. All I want to do is dress as a woman, which brings me to the point that it is only the society we live in that will not accept it. I now feel that because a ‘male’ does not fit into the category of wearing daggy male clothes and not a dress we are unable to conduct ourselves correctly. I mean that the sales of dresses, skirts, blouses & lingerie would increase 100% plus if males were accepted in wearing it! As for the term ‘sissy’ I would take it as a complement as I would then be seen as a female which is how I feel.
Love Petra
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I love Iggy Pop even more now.
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Hannah, Although I fundamentally agree with you that there isn’t anything shameful about dressing (or being) feminine, sexual arousal related to crossdressing is inherently complicated. Because, for most of us, as we experienced gender confusion in early adolescence, we were also forming sexual arousal patterns and powerful images and memory traces were being imprinted along with our first orgasms. It is possible, (and I believe not all that unusual), for a t-girl to experience some arousal related to feminine clothing — especially early on. What you are writing about here is a perceived “hierarchy” in the T community. So-called fetish dressers are often perceived as somehow “less than.” Although I don’t think that was the point you were making, I just think there is often not a clear-cut distinction between fetish dressing and “gender confirmation” dressing.
As far as the humiliation thing, I tend to think that is an attempt by the crossdresser to deal with the trauma of the lack of acceptance in their life (you are fortunate to have an accepting spouse) and their gender dysphoria — also of course a very complicated psychological phenomena.
Once again, thank you for your thoughtful posts and your leadership in the T community.
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I certainly don’t mean to demean anyone, and the fetish line is a tricky one. And thank you for giving me the benefit off he doubt when it comes to the point I am (badly) making. If dressing is a fetish, wonderful, you go girl, but I suppose I would prefer to not see anything sexual whether or not dressing is involved).
Love, Hannah
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