Ask Hannah!

If there was absolutely no downside to it (losing family, friends, etc for doing it), would you transition?

I guess I ask because every time I say “I don’t want to transition,” the why’s keep becoming fewer and fewer, and the more most of them start with “I don’t want to lose…”

I have never felt that living full time or transitioning was right for me.

I have never felt I was born with or that I live in the wrong body.

I do not feel that “this is right” when I am en femme.

I have never felt conflicted, confused, or frustrated about who I am.

So, no, regardless of family and friend support and reaction, I can’t see myself ever transitioning.  I am happy in both of my genders.  I don’t want to commit to one… ever.  And transitioning, from my perspective, would essentially be that.  I don’t want to give up my male gender identity any more than I want to give up my female gender identity.


If you are not already, I would encourage you to seek out a gender therapist to talk abut our feelings to help you determine if this is the right step for you.  And yes, most of us lose something, or someone, when we want to live our lives the way we feel is right for us.

I wish it were not that way.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

4 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!

  1. Hannah, you do ask difficult questions. The other often asked question: “Would you rather wake up on the other side?” is one similar, but not quite the same. My honest answer to both is “Yes”, and it has been so for decades, on and off all along through education, career, relationships, and wars. All I know is preying doesnt work on this kind of thing and/or for me (at least).


  2. Transitioning isn’t the only or even best answer for everyone. If you don’t think it’s the right path for you then it probably isn’t. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel wrong or ‘not enough’. Only you know what is best for you regardless of the reasons.
    Personally, my answer is yes even if cost me family and friends because not transitioning would be a death sentence.


  3. For years, make that decades, I kept telling myself that I didn’t need to transition. That I was just a TV/CD/term-of-the-day for guys that dressed up as women at times. But, as time has gone on, the denial has gotten less effective.

    Then came the “I can’t afford to transition” – whether the cost was money, privilege, position, family, or friends, it wasn’t something I could do, even if it was right for me.

    Now, I accept that I am indeed transgendered, and would be better off transitioning. I might lose some things along the way, but I am already seeing the many things that I can gain that I feel it will be a net gain for me. I am trying to get past some family items, and I want to make sure that my transition is a net gain for us, not just me.


  4. Had I been offered a no risk transition back when I was in my twenties I would have taken it with no regards to my future. Now here I sit many years later (many many years later) and I’m not so sure. When I go out as a “boy”, that’s just a costume I wear. I’m not really all boy. Taking that no risk offer back then would have simply been trading one costume for another. What I need to be is me. That is where my inner peace and greater happiness lies.


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