I love being dressed and time knows no limits. I have noticed real girls complaining about heels, hose, and bras, and can’t wait to get them off while I enjoy every minute I spend in them and regret when I finally must disrobe. Are these articles of clothing really that miserable? I have listened to women from grade school to adulthood complaining about all these clothing items as well as makeup and long hair and shaving their legs while I sit there and wish I could be in any of their places. I have been wearing hose and panties every day, as well as a bra and breast forms whenever I can and have yet to find them intolerable and instead prefer to be in them.
So, Hannah, is it just my clothing fetish or do real girls really not appreciate the pleasures of being female?
There’s…there’s a lot to unpack here.
For starters, all girls are real girls. I’m guessing you are meaning cis-gender girls, though.
I have a family member who has a really cool job and it requires him to travel. And he travels EVERYWHERE. One day in New York, a few days later he’s in Japan. And when he goes to these places he does cool stuff. One day I asked him how amazing it must be to have his life. He said he is grateful to have the life he has, but it’s not as glamorous as it looks. The travel gets tiring after a while, living in hotels, no stability, no real way to plan the rest of his life from one week to the next and of course he misses his family terribly. Listening to him gained a new perspective on something I was originally jealous of. Traveling once in a while is fun, but every week it gets a little tiring. The thrill wears off.
What I am trying to say is that someone’s experience is usually different than how we think it is. Yes, we might wonder why women don’t wear heels and dresses and stockings all the time since they are “allowed to”, but it’s not as simple as that.
T-Girls have a unique, and often personal and intimate relationship with clothes. Stilettos, bras, stockings, corsets, are thrilling for us. Slip on a pair of heels and I am walking on air… for a while. Of course, when I am at home and relaxing I can wear a pair of five inch heels all day and there’s nothing quite like it. But when I am out in the real world, well, it’s not as fun. At a recent photo shoot Shannonlee and I walked miles… on sidewalk, pavement, brick roads, up and down stairs, on gravel… and it didn’t take long for my feet and legs to hurt.
My strutting devolved into smaller steps and by the time I got home I was very happy to slip off my heels… and my bra, my gaff, and my stockings. I was happy to wash my makeup off, my false eyelashes were drooping a little. My earrings were pinching as well. It was getting hot and my wig was sticking to my skin. My foundation was melting a little and my eyeliner and mascara were smudging, despite using a primer and a setting spray. I probably looked a little silly, and I knew it. I felt a little silly.
As much as I loved being en femme, it was a lot more comfortable once I changed. Yes, I wasn’t cute and boy clothes are soooo boring, but nothing pinched anymore.
I dress to the nines because I heart it. I underdress because I love lingerie and it helps me stay connected to my femme side. How I dress is my choice.
But not everyone has that choice. Speaking in very broad terms, society has expectations as to how a girl should look, how a girl should dress. Whether this is a real dress code or not, many people (mostly men if we are being honest) expect women to be in full makeup and wear heels. Of course, that’s easy for someone to say if they have never worn heels or an underwire bra before.
And just as a t-girl can have an emotional relationship with clothes, cis-women can as well… but it’s not necessarily as fun as ours is. Women have been objectified for years and expecting to dress a certain way or to smile for is an example of that. Some women wear nylons or heels because that’s the unofficial dress code, if you will. Or in some cases, it is the official dress code. Most people don’t enjoy being forced to do something or wear something. Everyone should have the choice and the freedom to wear what they want to wear. I mean, isn’t that what a t-girl/crossdresser is all about?
I know we would love to wear what we want, when we want. Guess what! All women want that. If a girl wants to wear pants or a leather skirt or a cape, then they should. But like I said, it’s not always a choice. As hard to believe, women weren’t allowed to wear pants in the Senate until 1998. Sleeveless dresses and blouses and open-toed heels weren’t permitted until 2019. Being forced to wear (or not wear) something takes a lot of joy out of getting dressed. It’s a reminder that you are not allowed to wear what you wish. I’m sure many of us can relate to that.
Anatomy can play a big part in whether or not you’re comfortable as well. Yes, my wife and I both wear bras but my bra supports my breast forms which have hardly any weight at all. Her bra supports her breasts which is not the same thing as supporting forms. Same with heels. She and I can both wear four inch heels but her feet are much tinier than mine. A four inch heel on her creates a much more vertical arch than a four inch heel on me. Of course her feet are going to hurt before mine. Of course she’ll be ready to take them off before I am.
I love smooth legs, but is it a pain to shave them? Of course. Well, maybe pain isn’t the right word, but hair removal is a lot of work. Whether it is taking time to get my brows threaded, having certain parts of me waxed, or shaving other parts of me, it is a time consuming process. And yes, I bitch about it once in a while.
And! Being who I am is expensive. I’ll buy a bra to treat myself, my wife buys one because she needs one. She’ll pick out a cute one, sure, but I don’t really NEED one, despite me thinking I do 🙂
To paraphrase the common saying, the gender is always easier on the other side of the closet. Have you ever had a girl say to you (in male mode) how lucky men are? They don’t have to shave their legs, look a certain way, dress in a certain style, color their gray hair… society has different expectations of someone based on their gender presentation. It looks easier (and in my experience, it is) to present as male.
As for whether this is a fetish or not, only you can answer that.
But I do know that looking a certain way takes a lot of time and a lot of work. I don’t think it diminishes the joys of being a girl or as you said, being female. I think a girl like me dresses for different reasons that some girls. I dress how I want because I can, but some cis-girls feel they must present a certain way. I think most people like looking cute or attractive, and for many people how we dress and our physical appearance can be impact our self-esteem and our confidence. But goodness, how I choose to look takes a lot of time and work.
We can’t forget that although a girl like us may wear the same things as our wives and sisters, we don’t always have the same experiences that they have. I know some cis-girls who would love to wear more dresses but they hate how some men (I know, I know, not all men) will comment or look down (or up) their dress. If I was constantly being leered at or catcalled when wearing a skirt I would want to stop wearing them too. I am sure we have all heard stories of girls getting sent home from high school because the tank top was distracting the boys. Christ. No wonder some girls don’t want to wear certain clothes.
Walking a mile in heels is not the same thing as walking a mile in every women’s shoes, if you follow me.
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6 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!”
I think it’s fabulous how you are able to fluidly switch between genders. But how did you work things out with your wife to be so understanding of your need to Feminize?
And yes, everyone should have the choice and the freedom to wear what they want to wear.
Feminization training should be mandatory in the life of every male.
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Neither of us look at gender identity as being needing/wanting to be feminized.
My experience as a child was similar. I remember my sister complaining about wearing skirts and pantyhose for her job as a bank teller yet at the same time I yearned to be out and about in her lovely clothes. I was lucky the we were the same size and got gussied up in her clothes as often as I could.
I would contend that despite women’s complaints about feminine clothing, they are generally so pleased at the way they look and, by extension, they way these clothes make them feel about themselves, that they are willing to put up with the inconveniences of being skirted. Further, they love the compliments they get, mostly from other women. Whenever I check out online user reviews of the ruffled floral flounced midi dresses that are a staple of my style, I have seen a pattern. So many of the respondents write about how many compliments they got on the dress and also how pretty and feminine the dress allowed them to feel. More than anything, I believe women dress feminine for the approval of other women. This is what I miss most about attending MN T-girl events— there is a definite sense of sorority when everyone in the room is in a pretty dress. When this virus is gone, you can bet I’ll be back! Everyone should have the opportunity to wear whatever they want without being questioned on their motivation.
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well stated Hannah well stated
I particularly love this post. When I first started dressing and as I started dating women I would wonder why they hated wearing bras when I would sleep in one as long as there wasn’t a woman in the bed with me… I kept my secrets until I got married.
Hannah, you hit this answer right on the head.
Interesting to note that I now actually need a bra as I sport a “natural” set of 38 D breasts. BY “natural” I mean they are not implants nor herb induced.
As soon as my breasts grew big enough to feel their weight and hurt when I walked down a stair case briskly, I new they needed to be supported properly, then my bra drawer took on a whole new twist.
No longer are “cute bras” adequate. I find myself wearing a full cup normal boring non sexy comfortable (no underwire) bra that fits properly, like a “mom bra” LOL.
I donated all of my old bras that were all different cup sizes, I can’t use them anymore, I need bra’s that fit.
Even though I can hide them under a baggy shirt its best that I even wear one to work otherwise too much jiggling looks weird and they begin to hurt by days end.
Shaving my entire body and all the skin care etc, yes that is a regular thing for me too as I live in female mode every second I am at home with my wife, but even shaving my legs and arm pits gets irritating (no pun intended).
Pantyhose I used to love…. but I hate wearing pantyhose now, I only put on a pair if we are going out with me dressed. Stockings are easier to get on but still a pain, thank goddess for “stay ups”! If we are out dancing hose stays up better hmmm.
Around the house I will usually go bare legged in a blouse, skirt and flats with light makeup unless I am going to really pretty myself up for my wife. She likes it when I look completely done.
Shoes: I have over forty pairs of shoes, thigh high boots and outdoor boots only four of them are flats, only five pairs are less than three inch heels. Guess which ones are wearing out first?
You might have guessed it, my skyscraper shoes mostly still look new.
You know Hannah, I think that the deeper one goes into their femme side persona and the more we live it out, the more reality sets in. Ironically our mindset turns more to match a genetic woman’s attitude towards these things.Which in more irony makes me feel much more feminine and less like a man in femme clothing.
I like where I am after all these years, it wouldn’t be possible without a supportive wife, but wow the changes in attitude are remarkable.