Hubris and Humble

Hi!  How are you?  Anyway the other day I received a comment through my website suggesting that all the photos I post of myself on my website could come across as a little egotistical.


And yes!  It could.  And it probably does.


I am not trying to call anyone out here and I normally wouldn’t address something like this so publicly however the person messaged me anonymously without an email address to respond to.  I deleted the message and I would like to say that I moved on with my life but I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  That’s not to say I spiraled into a pit of… I’m not sure what kind of pit, possibly despair, but I didn’t feel like I needed to change anything in terms of what I post.  The comment was gentle and I believe it was just a bit of well-meaning criticism.  And that’s good!  I appreciate that.  


But I thought about why I post so many pictures.  I completely understand how it looks when I include a picture with a post that isn’t specifically about a photo.  For example, I recently wrote about the infamous and essential LBD.  This post had quite a few pictures of me in various black dresses  The post was not only about the dress itself, but also about its significance in my own life and gender presentation.  I think that our style represents our confidence and how we feel about ourselves, such as moving from trying to blend in (by wearing black) to being secure about standing out (by wearing bright colors).  I also think posting about dresses and not including photos of dresses is kind of boring.  I am a visual person and I tend to get bored of posts without pictures if there’s an opportunity to do so.  Yes, I could pull pictures from Google but it’s not the same.


Another recent post that comes to mind was about shopping recommendations from a few businesses.  The first of these two featured highlighted En Femme and The Breast Form Store.  Most of the pictures in the posts were of me and it was with the intention of being helpful but I admit I could have missed the mark.  Firstly, I wouldn’t recommend a business that I didn’t personally like.  I wouldn’t recommend a dress that I wouldn’t wear.  I think showing that I wear heels from The Breast Form Store lends a lot more credibility when I mention that they fit well and that they are comfortable.  I also wanted to use photos that were different from the photos that are on the respective websites.  A model wearing a dress against a plain background is one thing, showing someone wearing the same dress at a mall is another thing.  One of the reasons I do what I do for En Femme is that they wanted more pictures of their clothes in the real world.  Someone modeling their outfits in an appropriate setting, whether out shopping or at a party.  


I also use my own photos instead of the shots that are on En Femme’s website because the girls modeling the outfits are just too beautiful.  I can’t look like the models that En Femme uses. 

When I look at those girls I get really discouraged and back into the pit I go.  There’s no way that dress could look that good on me (and it doesn’t, lol).  I try to present crossdressing and presentation in a realistic way and photos are one way of doing that.  From what I can tell from comments and emails most of the girls who follow my blog are like me.  Happy to be go between gender identities and presentations with no plans or needs to transition or take hormones.  We rely on thigh pads instead of estrogen to give us curves.  I want to show what a dress looks like on me because most of my readers ARE like me.


I know how it looks when I post a lot of photos.  I cringe a little when I do so.  I never think that I am THE MOST AMAZING t-girl in the world.  I get down about myself a lot.  I swing between hubris and dysphoria in a matter of minutes.  I admit I do post pictures because I am proud of the hard work I put into how I look.  Whether it’s staying in shape or mentally being confident enough to go somewhere en femme that I never thought I would have the courage to visit.  


I wanted to chat about this because quite frankly if one person is thinking this then it’s likely many people are thinking the same thing.  I try to stay humble and my website makes me look more confident and secure than I really am.  


I do appreciate the comment more than this is likely suggesting.  I am a lot more self-aware than my writing suggests I am.  After I post I reread it a few minutes later to see it from fresh eyes.  I will rewrite and edit something if I need to.  Some posts take days to write as I need time to process and consider what I want to say.  My response to the aforementioned email is very different today than what I would have likely written a few minutes after receiving it.  I try not to react to something quickly as I get older.  


SO!  That is that.  If you’re tired of me I get it, I get tired of me as well. 

Love, Hannah

11 thoughts on “Hubris and Humble

  1. Good morning my LOVE, we both know it’s not worth getting into a pissing contest, but I bet the the person who doesn’t like your photos is a crossdressers wife,!

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  2. I feel that you are too hard on yourself. Post all the pictures you want – this is your website, visiting it and reading/seeing the content is a personal choice that is forced on nobody. And in my opinion, you can stand tall beside anybody.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hannah, I understand why you might worry about being “egotistical” but please take comfort in knowing that you are anything but. First of all, those of us who have struggled with gender issues since childhood are quite adept at overthinking things, particularly in a way that ends in a self-shame cycle. Secondly, taking lots of pictures of ourselves in pretty outfits can feed our (already) self-negative sense that we’re being selfish. I often wonder if my picture taking is evidence of narcissism. Well, maybe, but maybe it’s also just a celebration of finally being able to express how I’ve always felt. Also, I suspect that worrying about being selfish or narcissistic is likely a sign that one is not selfish or narcissistic (I’ve know some truly selfish, self-obsessed people before, and they seemed never to have such worries).

    I love when you post links to other resources and model their products. You give me great ideas! I’ve been in near total social isolation for months now, but I’ve used it as an opportunity to really explore Alice, my femme self. Some days, there’s nothing more fun than to play dress up all day, try on all my pretty outfits, and, yes, take pix in each. In fact, I have same dress you’re modeling above from En Femme–it’s a great dress and I look fabulous in it! I’m going to emerge from this pandemic a stronger, more confident femme–like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon–and you’ve played an important supportive part in that. Thanks for all you do! Alice.

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  4. It’s the little imperfections you exhibit, that I can relate to, in your pictures and your writings. You are able to capture the essence of what it is like to be a heterosexual family man, who also, so happens, to have this persistent need to express a built-in feminine side to their personality. I find it easier to believe that there are more of us who are taller or have larger features than the t- girls used in modeling. Thank you for telling it the way it is.
    Carrie

    Liked by 1 person

  5. hello Hannah, you must not look like those models . You are at least ‘natural’
    No hormones i think??
    You look very good. and by the way , most of the genetic girls do not look each day loke models . Love Kathleen.

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  6. You look amazing Hannah! I don’t look nearly as good as you, and I LOVE posting pictures on my Alicia Social Media! Obviously, I haven’t seen the persons message, so I’ll take your word that it was likely well meaning, but well meaning or not, if someone told me to show less of myself, I’d want to tell them to Bite Me!

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  7. Hannah, Stop selling yourself short! You are every bit as beautiful as the models en femme uses! You should be proud to post your pics. I know I would be if I even looked half as good as you! The person who sent that message is maybe just jealous or in that pit of despair themselves. Anyway keep up the good work I always enjoy your post pics included! 😊

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  8. Hannah, I think showing us your pictures may be not so much narcissism ( which you deserve) as it is celebrating yourself. For me the joy of looking good, going where I want and being my genuine self leaves me feeling giddy in the best possible way. Like the opening of the old Mary Tyler Moore TV show when she’s flinging her hat in the air with a big grin. Being and acting who we ARE is enormously empowering. After the struggle most of us have gone through to get there, it *should* be celebrated. Even more so when you’re trying to help others through the struggle, as you are doing so well. Thank you.
    Rianna Regan

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  9. Anonymous messages have no validity.. People hide.. With no chance of rebuttal Please keep posting your pictures. Many of us live vicariously through you. Thank you .

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  10. Nope, anonymous persons should never get the ability to make you feel less about yourself. You are gorgeous, beautiful, inspiring, intelligent, and uplifting to a whole community!! Can the anonymous say that? I’d bet my house they can not. Be you, proud and beautiful and inspiring, everyday!

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