It’s Usually a Wonderful World

I know, SO MANY Ask Hannah posts lately!  lol

When I started a website years ago I wondered if anyone would read it or if anyone would care.  When people started to comment and subscribe it was, well, it was thrilling.  It was also incredibly gratifying.  I was never sure if people would relate to what I thought about but as time passes I realize how alike we all are.  Our lives are usually made more difficult by a side of us that is so beautiful, a side of us that makes us so happy.  We have the same struggles, the same joys, the same stress, the same conversations, the same fears, the same frustrations of finding size 12 stilettos.  

I write about everything from makeup, news relevant to our community, fashion, advice, activism, and politics.  I also am a shameless self-promoter.  Whenever I post something I learn what y’all like to read about based on the number of your responses/likes.  This is so helpful!  I want a website that is helpful, that is engaging, that is worth reading.  I also learn what NOT to write about.  

There have been a lot of Ask Hannah posts lately because I have been getting a lot of Ask Hannah questions lately.  I don’t always post the questions on my website, especially if it’s a question I have answered before (such as questions regarding adjusting your voice, for example).  I actually love getting these questions because I do want to help.  I am incredibly flattered when someone asks about my opinion and perspective.  I don’t always have the answer, but God knows I have an opinion.

I want to thank everyone who submits a question as well as everyone who comments.  Your comments, perspectives, experiences, are almost always more helpful than my response so they are very much appreciated.

Every question I get reminds me of how…  complicated who we are is.  One hand, of all the hard things to do in life, crossdressing is the easiest.  It’s simple.  Do you want to know how to crossdress?  Here’s how to crossdress:

-Your wife’s lipstick?  Go put it on.  You are crossdressing

.-Order a pair of panties online.  Put them on.  You are crossdressing.

-Run out to Walgreens and purchase a pair of tights.  You are crossdressing.

I know this isn’t helpful.  I know it’s even a little bitchy, but my point is that by my definition of crossdressing (which is wearing anything that most people think is “for girls”) is easy.  You can buy pantyhose at the gas station if you want to (pro tip, don’t buy pantyhose from the gas station).  Instead we need to look at what we want on a different level.  Usually the questions we have (myself included) are usually pretty basic.  “How do I crossdress?”  “How do I wear makeup?”  “How do I go out en femme?”  All of these questions are, on a surface, very easy to answer, but the simple and direct answer isn’t helpful at all.

Instead we need to dig a little deeper.  No one really is asking how to wear makeup.  It’s easy!  Remember your wife’s lipstick?  Go put it on.  When we want to know how to wear makeup we are really asking:

-How do I know what foundation is right for me?

-Is my skin dry or oily?  

-What shade of powder should I get it?

-How do I contour?

-How do I apply false eyelashes?

These questions are on a different, more specific level.  This is what we’re really asking.  Same thing with almost everything we are wanting to know.  When I wanted to go out en femme I didn’t know HOW to do it.  Part of me told myself to put on my big girl panties, slip on my heels and strut out into the real world.  I mean, it  makes sense, right?  But the questions I wrestled with were:

-What will other people think?

-What do I do if I see someone I know?

-What will other people think?  

-What if someone laughs/points at me?  

-What will other people think?  

-What if someone harasses me (or worse)?

-What will other people think?  

-What if my car breaks down?

-What will other people think?  

-How do I carry a purse?

-What will other people think?  

-Where do I go?

-What will other people think?

-How do I pass/blend in?

-What will other people think?

You get the point.  So many of these questions were eventually answered with “who cares?”.  But that answer didn’t come easily or quickly.  I got to the point where I wanted to go out so badly that I didn’t care about passing (and there’s no such thing as passing), I didn’t care if people pointed anymore.  I just was ready to go out.  I didn’t want my fear to hold me back anymore.  Some of these questions had a practical answer, such as carrying my AAA card in the event of a breakdown and downloading the Lyft app in case I needed a ride, but most of these questions had some connection to worrying about what others would think.  Yes, I know how to call for a tow truck if needed, but what would the tow truck driver think about me?  Again, I decided that I didn’t care.  I needed to go out and thank God I did.  It’s (usually) a wonderful world.

This is just to say thank you.  Thank you for reading, thank you for your comments, thank you for your questions.  Almost every email and comment helps me understand what our community is all about, what we fear, what we love, what we need.  We need each other, let’s keep being there for each other. This life is hard enough and at the very least we can help each one another with finding a dress that fits.

Related reading

What is Crossdressing?

Why Passing isn’t Important

Love, Hannah