We call ourselves different things as we live our lives. Its not uncommon to identify as a crossdresser only to find that transgender is a better fit. Or bi-gender. Or genderqueer. Or agender. Or… uh, something else. At first these are the names we say to ourselves. We think to ourselves “I am a crossdresser” or wonder “perhaps I am transgender”. But as we accept and embrace who we are we start to feel the pull of coming out. We come out to different people for different reasons, and one reason is that we are just exhausted from keeping this side of ourselves to ourselves.
There is a lot of hesitancy to come out as… well, anything, because we are conditioned and taught that thinking, saying, doing, or wearing ANYTHING even REMOTELY “feminine” is BAD. We are taught words such as “sissy” before we learn the word “transgender”. The insult, the bullying, takes roots before anything else. Is it any wonder we think twice (or 100 times) before we come out?
We identify in different ways at different points in our lives and in our (ugh) journey, but once we start to come out (if we choose to do that at all) we are at risk of being called different things. Words like pervert, freak, and worse. These words sting, at the very least. It hurts even more when these words are used to intentionally hurt us. Perhaps the most hurtful, fatal thing we can be told when we are en femme is “I can’t even look at you right now”.
How painful that phrase is.
But we continue to be. We continue to be who we are, wear what we choose. The world might think of us as one way, but we don’t let that stop us.
How beautiful is that?