Get Over Yourself and Put on a Nightgown

This post is a little… well, shallow isn’t the right word for it, but it is pretty superficial.

I like to write about things that a lot of us can relate to as I think we all have a lot in common, but please bear with me and humor me if these thoughts don’t necessarily ring true to you.  I acknowledge and can relate that this side of us isn’t just about clothes, for many of this is who we are.  This is our identity.  And!  For some of us this is all really about the clothes.  This little entry is all about the clothes.  

I woke up in one of my black nightgowns about an hour ago and I have spent the morning drinking coffee in leggings.  And it’s been wonderful.  This is how I normally start my day and it’s lot more comfortable (and fun) to begin my morning in leggings instead of jeans.  Nightgowns and leggings are so comfy (and cute!) that sometimes I can’t imagine NOT wanting to wear “girl clothes”.  I absolutely believe that if a guy could get over it and just man up and put on a nightgown he would sleep in them every night.  Same with leggings, and skirts, femme jeans, long cardigans, and so many other things.

Femme clothes are a link to my femme side.  BUT!  Even if I wasn’t bi-gender I would still want to wear femme clothes.  I mean, that’s how this side of me became, well, unlocked.  I understood there was just something about me and my gender identity when I was young and I realized that I wanted to wear skirts and lingerie.  I didn’t want to wear boring, ugly boxers.  I wanted to wear cute panties. 

Realizing that this was not, well, common (as far as I knew), I came to the conclusion that there probably was a reason I was comfortable (and excited) about wanting to wear dresses (and everything else).

Of course this brings up the unanswerable question am I transgender because I wear femme clothes or do I wear femme clothes because I am transgender?  ACTUALLY!  For me it’s not unanswerable.  You don’t need to wear femme clothes to be transgender.  If you are a girl then there’s nothing that says you HAVE to wear a dress to be a girl.  I am still transgender when I am wearing boy clothes, after all.  My definition of transgender is when someone wears (or feels) in such a way that is not commonly associated with societal norms for the gender you were assigned to at birth.  I don’t FEEL like a manly man, at least not the manly man that much of the world thinks of when it comes to manly men.  

What does a MAN do (if we look at common stereotypes)?  A man drinks beer, watches football, and yells a lot.  I mean, I guess.  I don’t do these things.  I wouldn’t describe myself as masculine (other than my physical features).  Men don’t do “sissy stuff” like talking about their feelings or even acknowledging them.  Men certainly don’t want to wear cute clothes.  

But I do.  

As someone who is bi-gender I am comfortable in both of my gender identities.  I am not uncomfortable when I am in boy mode.  Of course when I am in boy mode I might be wearing leggings or sleeping in a nightie.  I am always wearing panties and have smooth, shaved legs.  Even as a boy I have my toes dipped in femme waters.  And I suppose that’s, well, appropriate in a way. 

When I am en femme I have masculine features such as my hands and facial structure.  No matter how cute a dress is it still can’t hide these shoulders.  Minimize them, sure, but they are still there.  They’re ALWAYS there.

I suppose in a way I don’t HAVE a gender since no matter what gender I am presenting as I still have features and thoughts and feelings that are always there, whether I am in a suit or stilettos.  I am both but in mornings like this I am neither.  

I remember growing up and watching the girls in my class in skirts and just thinking it would be so fun to dress like a girl.  Doesn’t a skirt look fun?  And when I finally tried one on I wondered why EVERY boy didn’t want to wear one, regardless of their gender identity.  

I guess the point of this rambling is that girl clothes are so cute and so comfortable and I love being who I am.  I love being completely en femme AND I love being comfortable and secure enough to be able to spend the morning in leggings.  

Love, Hannah