Stay Positive

This side of us is beautiful.  

This side of us is a refuge from the rest of the world sometimes.  At least it is for me.  When my boy life is getting stressful there’s nothing like scheduling a makeover, wearing a pretty dress, and spending the day wandering around a mall or a museum or siting in a cafe.  Being en femme helps me slow down, reflect on life, and find some peace.  It’s a lovely break from my boy life.  A little staycation, in a way.

When we are en femme we are simply living our best life.  We are experiencing the same world that our boy selves live in but it’s a different experience.  The mundane, the typical, the everyday becomes an adventure.  We have a gender identity that we need to acknowledge, that we need to care for.  It’s a little work sometimes but goodness it’s worth it.  Not to belabor the metaphor, but it’s rather like planning a short vacation.  Yes, it takes some planning and it can be expensive but god it’s worth it.  We need it.  We come back to our boy life refreshed, happy, and have likely gained a new perspective on whatever was causing us stress and anxiety in our boy life.

We want the world to love us when we are en femme.  We love this side of ourselves, we love the clothes, the heels, the makeup, the EVERYTHING.  We want the world to smile back at us as we wander through it, we want the cashiers, the baristas, the salesclerks to be just as happy to see a t-girl in the real world as we are to be in.  BUT!  We know that’s not realistic and we have accepted that.  Most people will be indifferent to us, but we’ll take that. 

We live our lives for ourselves.  We dress for ourselves.  We spend $80 on a makeover for ourselves.  We practiced strutting in stilettos for ourselves.  When we are en femme we are in our own little lives, our own beautiful lives.  We don’t want to be bothered, harassed, pointed at, or anything.  Just… just leave us alone if you can’t be kind.  Don’t burst my little bubble or dull my sparkle.  When someone is cruel they are going out of their way to do so.  And why would anyone spend their energy to be mean?  Why have that hate in your heart?

Not only do we want the other mall goers to leave us alone, we want the WORLD to leave us alone.  It’s disheartening to see our community as a political topic.  As an “issue” that divides people.  To be controversial.  We just want to use the ladies room in peace, not to be a hot button political issue about who can use which restroom.  But here we are. 

T-girls have always existed.  We have always been living our lives and doing what we have been doing for years and years and years.  I don’t recall seeing stories on the news when I was growing up about girls like us and the controversies that we see today.  But we existed then just like we will always exist, it’s just very… popular to use us as a political weapon.

And, well, it sucks.  It’s frustrating to have this beautiful side of us, this essential side of us to cause so much hate and fear.  It’s really not fair or right.  We just want to live our lives in peace, we do not want this.  Maybe it’s because our expectations are low (or perhaps we are cynical) but we know we can’t ask the world to love us, but it’s not toooooo much to ask to be left alone.  Keep laws that hurt us off the ballot, stop letting medical professionals discriminate us, stop preventing transgender kids from playing a silly sport.  Stop making us a controversy.  

Again, perhaps I am being cynical but I know that we won’t be left alone in my lifetime.  And I have accepted that.  Perhaps I shouldn’t accept that, though.  Maybe I need to do more for our community beyond just wandering around a mall in a dress.  But… that’s kind of what I think we want.  To be able to wander around a mall in peace, without controversy.  To be able to live our lives in peace, to spend the day in a beautiful gender without anyone caring.  To use the ladies room without worrying we’ll end up on the news or in jail.  

It’s a shame, really, that a beautiful part of us is used as a weapon.  We never set out to be a controversy, we just want to get a coffee or dine out or shop for a skirt IN a skirt.  Life is rarely easy, sometimes it’s a fight, but this side of us shouldn’t be a war with anyone.  

Stay positive girls.  

Love, Hannah

6 thoughts on “Stay Positive

  1. Hannah your so right, we just want to get out in the world an truly nobody pay us attention unless of course it’s a compliment.
    Other than that yes just let us be us.
    I spent half a day with a Tgirl friend of mine not long ago and we just enjoyed being out. Shopping eating lunch together and we were just two girls enjoying the day, just as it should be.
    Let’s hope things will continue to get better


  2. Very well said and so true. I need my female time as it really is like a mini vacation from my normal busy male life. it is what keeps me stress free and a happy person to be around.


  3. I usually agree with you, but today I would like to voice a mild dissent.

    First of all, shame on the (Republican) politicians who use trans bashing as a wedge issue. As it’s no longer politically viable to bash gays, they have moved on to their make believe world that trans athletes are everywhere and the most important thing in the world is the purity of bathrooms. As with their huffing and puffing about drag queen story time, it’s more about performance (and getting on Fox News) and less about actual legislating. More reason to vote the bastards out–and any person on the trans spectrum, or gay–who votes Republican ought to be shamed of themselves.

    But in the world I live, the people I interact with don’t care what the Republican bashers think. On the whole, the people I meet are courteous, and polite, and professional (like the waitress and staff at the restaurant at our transgender group lunch today).

    And when I take off the wig and dress–which is the way I spend 95+% of my life–I become part of the privileged class, a white male. I’ve never been arrested for DWB (driving while black). I don’t face other sorts of racial injustice. I’m not a woman who has to fear for her personal safety. Most of the time, I’m at the top of the pyramid.

    That’s not to say there isn’t violence against transwomen, because there is. But that is usually driven by social and economic issues (like working in the sex trade), and NOT because of what some white male Republican said on Fox News about trans athletes.

    Yes, crossdressers and trans people shouldn’t be whipping boys for Republican politicians, but at the end of the day, we are pretty far down the totem pole on the injustice scale, relative to many others in society.


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