Ask Hannah!

Hi I’m a straight guy look to date a Trans women. I’m sick of the same old thing with women. I’ve decided that I would like to date a trans women. I don’t know how or where to do so. I’ve been on the dating sites and I hate it. I have not let my family or friends know, but am just so in love with trans women. Do you have any pointers for me this is all new to me I have never been with a trans woman or guy.

It’s easy to misinterpret anything that is written or said.  I want to be as gentle and as kind as possible when it comes to any Ask Hannah! question.  I recognize that it takes a lot of courage and nerve to ask for advice and the last thing I want to do is make anyone feel bad or silly when they need help and guidance.  One of the reasons I have a website is to educate others when it comes to everything from relationships to walking in heels.  I would never claim to be an expert on anything and I am honored and humbled when someone asks for my advice or perspective on something.  

Of course, I also want to avoid embarrassing anyone when they need help.  I take no joy in humiliating anyone or calling someone out.  I do get a lot of emails and Ask Hannah! questions about relationships and that includes asking about dating t-girls.  To be honest, I usually just delete them without replying as they tend to be crass in nature.  However, I thought it might be helpful to gently and kindly touch on a few things you wrote in your question.  

If identify as straight, you are (presumably) attracted to women.  Transwomen are women.  Being attracted to a woman, cis or trans, simply means you are attracted to women, or at the very least, that woman.  If you are attracted to a t-girl, it doesn’t mean you aren’t straight.  Does that make sense?  Also, dating or, in your words, being with, a transwoman is certainly not equal to being with a guy.  I do cringe a little when I get an email or comment along the lines of “I’m not gay but you are beautiful”.  Like everyone else on the planet, I am more than my anatomy, I am more than my genitalia.  

You write that you are sick of the same old thing with women.  Why do you think dating a transwoman would be any different?  Be careful to avoid generalizing anyone.

I understand you may be hoping I could direct you to a dating site or something similar.  I am sure Google could assist with searching “dating trans women”.  The help I am (kindly and sincerely) hoping I am providing is perhaps some perspective and clarification.  I hope you find happiness, I know it’s painful to be lonely.

Love, Hannah

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6 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!

  1. Interesting question indeed and Hannah you answered it quite well.
    There is no doubt guys dating or just being friendly to T-girls is a whole new world for many including many of us t girls
    Now I’ve myself never have even considered such but I myself find myself attracted to Tigris so yes that becomes confusing as well and well not sure what it means but I guess we all have different taste


  2. good answer to this gentleman’s inquiry. Some days and weeks, I’m Androgynous and others, androGynous, but always a guy. It depends partly how lonely I am. more likely to be the latter for some time now. Yet, I’d actually prefer to be mostly the former. Both elements are always there in spades. Once years ago en femme for months a pleasant fun manworking at a motel was attracted to me; I still wonder what he thought about me. It seemed light and appropriate and I’ve never felt that girlish since. He treated me like a lady with dignity, and I responded as a dignified funny witty woman would. In my current relationship which is broken and not healthy I remember and the honorable attention he afforded me, yet I know for sure there’s not a gay bone in my body; just a desire to give and receive love, affection, humor and companionship with a good woman. It was a road not taken. I had both excitement and fear going further. I do not regret how I handled that. THAT’S WHY YOUR ANSWER IS COMPREHENDED SO WELL.


  3. I love this answer… but there is one difference between a cis woman and a trans woman…

    Experience. There are things a trans woman will never understand that a cis woman will… and definitely vice versa. An example MAY be sexual expression… one thing about a trans woman that a cis woman might not ever experience is male puberty… the rush of testosterone, the exploration of a man’s body, the feelings of a man…

    I can’t claim that every trans woman has experienced those… many begin transitioning before male puberty, and others may have never had a male puberty, but those who have gone through a male puberty have likely experienced things a cis woman never has… that may create empathy for men in some ways… Even as I transition, I’m firmly on the “I’m attracted to women” camp, but I’d assume that some trans women know a little bit about male sensations, how the body works, and therefore may know more how to physical connect with a man. I can see how a man might be attracted to that. Someone who understands their body intimately, and knows exactly how to pleasure them, or more psychologically, how they think.

    Let me be clear that this isn’t to silo anyone… many men and women experience life, growth, puberty, and socializing differently. I also believe that the environment you experience puberty under is just as essential as what you are experiencing hormonally. I’ve never felt that hyper-male puberty that many of my friends experienced… Instead, that’s around the time I began questioning my gender. I can get very personal here, but I’d just say that as I transition, those memories and experiences likely won’t go away.

    Not sure if this makes sense, but I just want to explore that the romantic/sexual developmental experiences of a trans woman might differ quite a bit from a cis woman… and that’s a difference worth considering.

    Liked by 1 person

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